I was right there where you are for many many years. I just needed the booze to live. I couldnt get enough distance between me and the alcohol. I would quit for a day , a week , once for two years. The thing was stopping drinking actually was worse than drinking. I was mad and unable to handle even the smallest problem.. I would be explosive and sad and all over the map with emotions.

I finally decided i needed some help and found i needed some help. My last drink was june 9, 12 and my first aa meeting was june 10. I finally found a solution. I finally found hope. It took some effort but I finally have found a way to cope with the bad and even the good which I was always boozing over.

You deserve to be happy! Cmon! lets go

1is2many

Hello icoi,

Acceptance is the foundation stone upon which you can build a better life. If you are an alcoholic, you cannot drink safely, no matter what the circumstances may be or how long you have been sober. Even if you are not yet too far down the road to alcoholism, your drinking is likely to bring you there pretty soon. Remember too that alcoholism is a progressive condition so it will get worse with time. Once you accept the reality of where you are, you can start working on a solution to the problem.

Since you are going to an AA meeting this week, it may be useful for you to look at the AA suggested programme of recovery. My suggestion to you is to go to many meetings over the next three months and to listen to what other people have to say. Some of what you will hear will be less than useful, some will be downright wrong and if you listen carefully to people who have recovered from alcoholism, you will also learn precisely how they have beaten the problem. If you copy what they have done, you too will achieve long term sobriety.

Going on vacation with friends, dealing with family tensions and depression are all part of life and you can learn how to handle those and many other issues without resorting to alcohol. You wont do it with one AA meeting but if you stick around for long enough you will learn how to open the door to freedom.

You are not alone, icoi! My weeks of sobriety would end when I got complacent and let the demon convince me that I could handle 'a' glass of wine or 'a' beer. And maybe that's all that happened that first time. But then next time it would escalate, then again and again.......
Then the blackouts and the hangovers and missed time from work started all over again.
I don't have the answer yet. I am still fighting the demon, and today is only day three of the latest sober spell. But joining this group has had an impact on me that I did not have in any previous attempts. And they have convinced me to look into AA.
Good luck and best wishes to you. Just look that evil demon straight in the eyes and say "NO MORE!!!"

Thanks for all the kind replies. I am in counseling and going to AA tomorrow, and another meeting on Tuesday called celebrate recovery. I know I need some outside help this time. I can't do it on my own.

Get or read step one in the 12&12. 3rd page towards the bottom. Read it over and over. Relating to your story, you will know what part I'm talking about .

I wish you all the luck. Glad you are adding aa to your list. It saved my life.

I have just joined this group and I experience what you did most years. I can stop for a month and then something happens and I convince myself I can drink again. I have no control of when to stop. I stopped on Sunday after a bad night out. No harm was done but it was a wake up call.

I wish you all the best and it is good to read your story as I know I am not alone on this.

Thanks for sharing.

I talked myself out of sobriety hundreds of times, because I was emotionally weak, but I found my strength in the 12 steps of AA and I have never been happier!

God Bless!

Just my exp. I had to get done and go to any lengths to stay sober.
The main objective was I couldn't handle the pain.
I choose a 12 step program took direction and did put into action and it has worked for quite a few years.

Reality is it has nothing to do with your friends, vacations etc...

Hope you find what you're looking for.

Keep making the effort to impose YOUR will, and not the bottle's. You cannot beat this 'demon' at it's own game (I tried for decades), but you can REFUSE to play the game. I believe that is wherein lies the secret to continued sobriety. Just don't play. It comes down to simple motor action, and risk vs. reward stuff. Stay on course, and you will gain the strength you seek. Hope you're 6 days in?

Thank you so much for all the thoughtful replies. I am 10 days sober and feeling great.

It truly is a demon and I need want to play his game anymore. I cannot handle alcohol safely and responsibly, so I will stay away. I feel like it will get harder. A lot of people don't believe that I have quit for good (even my mom.) Friends who I've told still ask me to go have drinks.

It won't be easy but I know I'm making the right choice: my health, happiness and my life.

Thanks again and I'll keep you posted!

I just took it day at a time and finally it became easier to stay sober. 12 step program, Smart Recovery and self help books were my main tools. If I can do it so can you.