I went through an outpatient treatment program and was treated for things that predisposed me to addiction, Issues I didn't even know I had, like ptsd for example.

That was 7 years ago. Currently, the support of AA and the 12 steps keep me sober.

God Bless!

Hello TaylorSky,

You have asked a very important question. Once you understand the answer to that question you will have a good chance of knowing what you need to do in order to achieve long term sobriety.

Many people drink because they are sad, depressed, happy, had a bad childhood, are dealing with some problem etc. and drinking helps them up to a point. Something will happen to a percentage of those people and their reason for drinking will change but it is usually a change that they fail to recognise or to see coming. It looks like you have experienced this change in your relationship with alcohol and this would explain why you have been unable to stay sober.

The change is two-fold with part of it occurring in the mind and part in the body. You were fine but you end up having a glass of wine and wonder why it happened or why you drink at all, knowing where drinking has brought you in the past but I will return to that in a while. The other problem that you may recognise is that one glass of wine usually leads to a lot more and if you are unable to obtain more alcohol there may be a feeling of restlessness and irritation. Is this how you react?

The reason that one glass leads to many more for some drinkers is that they have developed an abnormal reaction to alcohol and this is a change that occurs in the body. One drink produces a strong craving for more and after that it is like a dog chasing its tail with each drink increasing the craving. Once someone undergoes this change they can never go back to controlling their drinking and their only safe option is abstinence from alcohol. The next question to ask yourself is are you one of those people who keeps drinking when you intended to have one or two drinks? Do you drink a lot and still feel that you want more? If the answer is positive to either question you may have developed an abnormal reaction to alcohol.

You are questioning why you drink at all and understanding the answer to that question is the key to recovery. For some people drinking changes from the reasons listed above where alcohol helps to deal with life and now drinking becomes an OBSESSION. Someone who has undergone this change will find all sorts of reasons to justify taking a drink. You almost made day 1 but you ended up having a drink and you dont understand why. The reason may be that drinking has become an obsession for you. This obsession for alcohol can become so strong that it will overcome all other thoughts. The bad things that happened before as the result of drinking will be pushed out of the memory or else you may say, what the hell Im going to drink anyway. Genuine promises may be made to other people and to yourself but those promises will be broken. People who have developed this obsession for alcohol are said to have little or no defence against the THINKING which leads up to taking the first drink.

The solution to the problem involves finding some means of changing the thinking so that the obsession for alcohol is removed. Now you know so your next question may be: What can I do to change it?

Hello Taylor Sky. You could be right. When I started drinking, it was first to "fit in." I started getting into trouble with drinking in my early 20's. That didn't deter me and when I moved out on my own, it was like "Yeah! Nobody is going to tell me what to do!" I started drinking 1 1/2 glasses of wine every night. Then I'd add "just a splash" more. I thought it was very "adult" and liberating to sit and enjoy alcohol in my own home. Well, those "splashes" added up until I was putting away two full bottles of wine a night -- sometimes more. I built up quite a tolerance and dependency.

I would drink because I was happy. And sad. And stressed. Then just because...

It happens. Good luck to you!!

I only would drink on days ending in y

im no expert on this but when you feel like having a drink instead try going somewhere for a walk or drive, call someone, do anything to take your mind away from drinking

Hello TaylorSky, my experience is that I drank the way I did because I am alcoholic. There is no logic in this but there is a genetic link. It does not mean that all my family are alcoholic but some are and it goes back generations.

Because there is no logic to why I drank like I did I would search for reasons to fit to it but came up with very little and it did not stand up to close scrutiny. I thought I was going insane and I was! The mental component of this illness is mighty powerful. My thinking got me drinking and I was powerless to stop it as the drinking progressed.

Nothing really bad had ever happened to me, I was well blessed but it made no difference. I spent too many years fighting it but it got worse so in the end I turned to AA and it was a life saving decision in my case.

I thought I was happy too but my mind was filled with a lot of negativity that I had gotten so used to that it felt normal. I don't think I was necessarily "unhappy." I just wasn't living life to the fullest potential and needed to reset my brain into being grateful and positive rather than ungrateful and negative.

I drank when I was happy, excited, sad, lonely.........there was always an excuse. I tried to figure out why I drank everyday....what is the problem?? I could never pinpoint it.......until I realized that the reason I drank every day is because I'm an alcoholic.

Now I know that I am happy, but still struggle here and there with the drinking.....because I'm still an alcoholic. But, now that I am happy and have found purpose in life, it's a whole lot easier to not drink.