Hello xzanth,

While it may be somewhat true that Step 5 can be done with anyone, doing a proper Step 5 requires that it should be done with a person who understands. In my opinion at least, a random person at a bus stop would not fit that criteria. Neither would it be advisable to do it with an anonymous person over the internet as it is a deeply intimate experience that requires face to face contact with another person.

If you cannot get hold of your sponsor, it may be that you need a different sponsor. However, there are various options for doing Step 5 and one good one, regardless of whether or not you believe in religion, is to do it with a member of the clergy. Such people will more than likely have heard it all before and nothing that you say is likely to shock them.

Remember that Step 5 should not be attempted until Steps 1,2, 3 and 4 are completed satisfactorily. It is not about dumping your wreckage on another person. The objective is to discover things about your own personality that you would like to improve and these character defects are listed and analysed in Step 4.

Step 5 is serious business and it should not be taken lightly or done in a half-hearted manner. It is a complete baring of the soul and as such it should not be rushed into or done with the wrong person.

It is my understanding that Step 5 is an extension of Step 4 - the personal inventory, in which we delve into our past and start to identify our character defects (hence the 3rd column described on BB page 65).

When we admit "the exact nature of our wrongs", we are not reciting a list of all the bad things we have done - a dirty laundry list as it were. Rather we are acknowledging our nature itself. Our character defects, our resentments, jealousies, fears, selfishness and other faults.

The average Joe at the bus stop may not realize the gravity of this step and may not be able to steer one to a deeper "fact finding" on one's character defects.

The 12 and 12 explains the importance of having outside help. "We shall want to speak with someone who is experienced, who not only has stayed dry but has been able to surmount other serious difficulties. Difficulties, perhaps, like our own!" (pg 61) Because if all our lives we had more or less fooled ourselves, how could we now be so sure that we weren't still self-deceived?" (pg 59)

We need someone who has "been there, done that" to guide us through this very important and vital step in our recovery.

I don't recommend just telling some random your step 5. I recommend getting a new sponsor, one that will KNOW you. Great Sponsorship is a great relationship.

They say choose tight lipped person

I'm preparing to do my 5th step with my sponsor as we are planning to sit down and get through it next week. I have been working on my 4th step for a while now, but everything I have done on it, I have shared almost everything with her already of what it consists of. When we sit down to do it, it will be a very thorough step. I took a back to basics class which actually gave me a better understanding of what my fourth step should consist of. I have also come to learn that when you do your 5th step, it should be done with someone trustworthy. I myself would never suggest to anyone to share it with a random stranger. We don't know what that person will do with that information...eek that's a scary thought.

I heard someone share in a meeting once, how when he first came into the program over 20 years ago, he did his 5th step with his sponsor and later found out that his sponsor spewed it all out to others, nothing he shared was kept private with that sponsor and it was passed on to others in the room and it got back to him that all his stuff was put out there for everyone else to hear. That thought alone is enough to scare someone right away from doing that 5th step.

To PJ54, your description on this is a great explanation of how to proceed with step 5 and how delicate this can be for someone. Thanks for sharing that.