So if you know you should quit, what are your terms?

I don't think it is a viscous cycle. i think that until you decide you want to quit anything he does will be be a reason for you to drink. Because when you are drinking, everything is a reason to drink.

What's your next move?

I would hope that if you do quit he will join in on your road to sobriety....I would also like to know what the terms are that you will use to stop? Because for me I had tried so many different times and ways that I finally was where they call it incomprehensible demoralization....where I had no choices left....I decided I needed help....I asked in Prayer God Help Me! He sent his help and I am sober along time now.....many 24hrs at a time which is one way that you do not fail....one day at a time keeping the plug in the jug you do not drink and the caboose is not what kills if run over by train but the engine is which is that first drink analogy!

The only terms I had were to quit drinking and live, or keep drinking and die! As you can see, I chose to live!

God Bless!

I don't want to be mean and I may not know what I'm talking about because I have never dealt with an addiction - other than smoking and I quit this morning. I don't believe in trying. You either do or you don't. And I did. But, my boyfriend is an alcoholic. He's a semi-ex at the moment because he really screwed up and I kicked him out and told him to call me when he gets sober and stays sober. But I'm not going to be dating anyone else.
I think you're being a coward. I think you need to woman up and look at your own actions independent of anyone else's. You need to understand who you are hurting - yourself, your husband, your kids if you have them, probably most of your family and friends. And you need to realize that YOUR actions are the problem. Step up to the plate. You need to quit for you. I don't think it can work if you are trying to do it for someone else.

Timid compromises about how and when to quit are not going to lead to any measure of success when dealing with the gorilla on your back, so to speak. One can come up with all sorts of imaginary scenarios where they can slay the dragon. This is one problem that has to be dealt with with immediacy. Deal with it, before it deals with you unpleasantly.

Yes, you can always go and buy more. That is why it is so important that you stop drinking for yourself first. Sounds like you are starting to get tired of all of the bs that goes along with living a drunken lifestyle. Hugs

Most alcoholics cannot stop drinking on their own terms.

The fact that you had that reaction is a sign of how alcohol controls your brain.

There are lots of methods that help, Smart Recovery, AA, and Allen Carr's book. I suggest surrounding yourself with people want sobriety. It rubs off.

Sobriety is incredible.

My father quit. He went to AA and wife went to Al-anon. For 22 years he drank iced tea or whatever - no alcohol! My Stepmother drank and it had no affect on my father's sobriety. He made a decision and never wavered.

I have seen several men in our yacht club stop drinking because of doctor's orders.

Stop before you have health problems from drinking - do it for yourself. I never drank - saw what my father went through and wanted a sober life for myself and my two sons.

Don't worry about your friends - they should want the best for you.

Boy, Your in a mess. He's drinking because he's most likely an alcoholic too. This doesn't sound like a real relationship at all, and I don't think it ever could be until you both get honest about your drinking, and stop blaming each other, or anything else for it.
This yelling match came about because somebody messed with the thing that is most important to you. The alcohol!!!
Your right, this is a cycle that your stuck in. It won't change until you decide to put the cork in the bottle, and get help. Your husband might join you, and he might not. You don't have any control over that, but you do have control to take responsibility for yourself. If things get better for you, it could attract your husband. I've heard this happen many a time.
Just give some recovery a try. What have you got to loose, except hangovers, senseless arguments, resentments, anger, hurt feelings, etc...
Wish you all the best. James

I personally told my husband it was his business if he drank at home. He really never drinks to excess or even everyday. I did ask him to lock up our alcohol in the house. Yes i could go buy some, but that wasn't where i was getting into trouble it was drinking alone at home and mostly hard liquor so having open bottles in the house kinda triggers me uf i have access to them. I just wanted me at home alone to be the one place i wasn't tempted

I totally agree with XJ.
If you "know you need to qui drinking" then quit. Everything after that statement that starts or includes a "but" is probably an excuse.

I got sober 5 years ago. My husband still drinks. Sometimes it annoys me; I've learned to let it go. its his deal; not mine. If I waited till he diagnosed me as alcoholic; I'd still be drinking. if I waited till he stopped, for it to work for me to stop; yep I'd still be drinking.

I love him. I don't need to control him or him me. And I can't control my alcoholism on "my own terms". I needed support and guidance. For me that's been AA.