Alcoholism Support Group
Alcoholism is the continued consumption of alcoholic beverages, even when it is negatively affecting your health, work, relationships and life. If you think alcohol is causing you to lose control, it's time to seek help. Our group is a safe place to vent, check in, get back up if you fall, and reach sobriety.
I can't move forward. I feel like my shoes are glued to the floor. June... shit hit the fan, and I have been stuck since. Alcohol is my cop out.
Everyone here has such great advice. I have good books to read that I think have some answers for me. I'm afraid to read them. I have God. I'm afraid to pray. There are good, caring people I can call, but I'm afraid to call them. I have meditation CDs that I'm afraid to listen to. I love sports and I know exercise will be part of a cure for me, but I have no motivation. People in my life love me, and I have many friends who care about me, but I keep pushing them away. I have a great life. I am successful in my career. I have nothing to really stress about. I am healthy physically. I walk around with charisma and a big smile on my face. All I want to do is get freaking numb. WTF is wrong with me? I don't understand it at all.
These feelings come in waves. Funks. I am happy 80% of the time, really happy, and then "the thought" enters my mind, and I get dizzy with anxiety. My eyes tear for no reason. I shake. I can't even wrap my brain around the emotion. I can't cry to release it. I feel like I need someone to just dig at me with chisel until they break me down. I want someone to just hold me and tell me they love me, but I am too proud and too callous. (I know, pity party) I don't really know wtf is wrong in my head. I can't stop thinking.
I need to figure out my enemy, so that I stop numbing myself every time I step onto the battlefield. If the "best way out is through" then wtf is "through"? And how do learn to do all of it for ME? I have to stop waiting for an epiphany that may never come.
I am 16 days sober today and I don't know what to think. I am treading water right now. I am trying to do little things that everyone says I should do, but it's like I have some mental block against getting myself well. "One day at a time" is great, but I have to be able to see a vision of my future beyond tomorrow.
Just a vent. Is there anything meaningful here at all or am I just being glum and fatalistic? Do i just need to yank my head out of my ass and conjure some willpower? What is the secret that I am missing?
I am pitiful. Thanks friends for listening to me whine.
Everyone here has such great advice. I have good books to read that I think have some answers for me. I'm afraid to read them. I have God. I'm afraid to pray. There are good, caring people I can call, but I'm afraid to call them. I have meditation CDs that I'm afraid to listen to. I love sports and I know exercise will be part of a cure for me, but I have no motivation. People in my life love me, and I have many friends who care about me, but I keep pushing them away. I have a great life. I am successful in my career. I have nothing to really stress about. I am healthy physically. I walk around with charisma and a big smile on my face. All I want to do is get freaking numb. WTF is wrong with me? I don't understand it at all.
These feelings come in waves. Funks. I am happy 80% of the time, really happy, and then "the thought" enters my mind, and I get dizzy with anxiety. My eyes tear for no reason. I shake. I can't even wrap my brain around the emotion. I can't cry to release it. I feel like I need someone to just dig at me with chisel until they break me down. I want someone to just hold me and tell me they love me, but I am too proud and too callous. (I know, pity party) I don't really know wtf is wrong in my head. I can't stop thinking.
I need to figure out my enemy, so that I stop numbing myself every time I step onto the battlefield. If the "best way out is through" then wtf is "through"? And how do learn to do all of it for ME? I have to stop waiting for an epiphany that may never come.
I am 16 days sober today and I don't know what to think. I am treading water right now. I am trying to do little things that everyone says I should do, but it's like I have some mental block against getting myself well. "One day at a time" is great, but I have to be able to see a vision of my future beyond tomorrow.
Just a vent. Is there anything meaningful here at all or am I just being glum and fatalistic? Do i just need to yank my head out of my ass and conjure some willpower? What is the secret that I am missing?
I am pitiful. Thanks friends for listening to me whine.
Ride it out, white knuckle as necessary, pray, go to AA, get a sponsor. It works. Help others as you can. It helps you.
The ups and downs will stabilize though and you will learn how to deal with them better. Trust that. Just give it time.
"Sceptical and Fatalistic - People believe failures are inevitable and their goals are unachievable - Generating a negative, pessimistic, expect the worst approach".
Sound familiar? Try thinking the complete oppsite. I will too. Let's be optomistic and not pessimistic for the rest of the nite. If you can't move your feet - step out of your shoes.
There is no secret. You are doing great. It is ok that you are not feeling well. As long as you are not drinking or using you are doing what you are supposed to do, this is," going through it." There are so many joys that come from being sober, but there is no quick fix. Your 1st year is the hardist. Your feelings have been numbed. EVERYONE goes through how you are feeling. Try to be patient with yourself. Never put yourself down. Sobreity is very hard in the beginning. You are making one of the biggest life changes you will ever make. You will never regret it! And with time you will be answering a post to help someone else out. You will see.It took me 3 years to get and stay sober. Now i have 5 years. It is the best 5 years of happiness i have had. You will never regret it.
Best of Luck and keep posting!
Pam
It is complicated! You have all these feelings and thoughts zipping around in your head...you're glad to be sober yet afraid of this new way of being.
Something that really helped me was to shift the way I thought of myself, or rather, I changed my identity. The Drunken Broad became the Teetotler Broad.
The 'one day at a time' didn't always work for me but knowing I was different and better from NOW ON helped.
My new identity became that of a non drinker and I began to play that role. Eventually behaving like a relatively calm clear headed gal became more comfortable and less of an effort to pull off.
The numb is a killer silently slinking up on us. As bad as I feel sober is nothing compared to what I feel like in the moments after I wake from a binge...peace & heartfelt smiles.
That part needs attention.
Sit with it for as long as it needs. Do nothing.
The only thing I'll add for now is that you probably should make a strong commitment to one approach ot the other, because if you try to waffle between the two, it'll really mess up your head.
It's sounds corny but sometimes affirmations work. Tell yourself "I am worthy." "I love and trust myself." After a while you will start believing that and you won't need that shield of fear.
"I am too afraid to try-what will happen if I succeed? What then? so I will fail...
I am too afraid others will see I am no longer a screw up and they will expect too much from me."