I think that it helps to connect with other people who are trying to, or who have suceeded in finding God. This is why AA can be helpful- because you would be in a group setting with others who are seeking the same thing.
Also, even though you don't adhere to a particular religion, you could try church anyway. Call it "the beginning of your journey"- you don't have to buy everything they are selling. There are some large non-demononational Churches that are very accepting, and you would not be singled out as a newcomer. This can help you focus your mind, and once again...you can treat it as a starting point.

If you're trying to do this all by yourself from home, it can be more difficult - especially at the beginning.

appendice II, Big book page 567;

Among our rapidly growing membership of thousands of alcoholics such transformations, though frequent, are by no means the rule. Most of our experiences are what psychologist William James calls the "educational variety" because they develop slowly over a period of time. Quite often friends of the newcomer are aware of the difference long before he is himself. He finally realizes that he has undergone a profound alteration in his reaction to life; that such a change could hardly have been brought about by himself alone. What often takes place in a few months could seldom have been accomplished by years of self discipline. With few exceptions our members find they have tapped an unsuspected
inner resource which they presently identify with their own conception of a Power greater than themselves.
Most of us think this awareness of a Power greater than ourselves is the essence of spiritual experience. Our more religious members call it "God-consciousness."
Most emphatically we wish to say that any alcoholic capable of honestly facing his problems in the light of our experience can recover, provided he does not close his mind to all spiritual concepts. He can only be defeated by an attitude of intolerance or belligerent denial.
We find that no one need have difficulty with the spirituality of the program. Willingness, honesty and open mindedness are the essentials of recovery. But these are indispensable.

Don't rush things, go to meeting's, get a sponsor, and let him/her take you through the steps.

i'm on the same path. i try to give thanks everyday. it amazes me everyday how i can choose to create a problem in my life. i am so conditioned to feeling depressed or creating my own chaos. i also read books that motivate me. i would go to a non-denom. church like jacker suggested if i had more energy and discipline. i just like to rest at home when i am off. i want to take a yoga class.

For me being sober is an awakening,
i feel like i have woke up in a strange world i dont recognize!

and everyone else has been here ages and its all normal to them,
and all my feelings are new and experinences, and i got big financial mess to sort, and relationship mess.

crazy, but lot more interesting than drunk.

i dont get higher power, i guess one day i may, i will let you know if i do!!

Dont sweat it ashley, your hp is with you now. Look at your hands, tell your fingers to move, watch them for a bit. How in the world is that actually possible-a thought producing movement in your lovely hands? Take a deep breath, there is your hp, it is moving through you, you need nothing more than you have right now.

Hi Ashley,

I have had a spiritual relationship with God since I was a child. I developed a more personal relationship with God during the years of learning more about Him.

I believe His promises and teachings through doctrine. I have faith and trust in Him.

You do not have to believe in a certain religion to be close to God. He is already with you. Your prayers are reaching Him and are powerful.

Look at the world around you. It was created by God.

YOU were created by God and He has a perfect plan for your life.

WE are never perfect but God is.

Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, For they will be filled... (Mat.5,6)

I'm just sharing my experience. We all have different ways to come to God and be close to Him. Actually, He comes to us.

Relax, don't worry. You want this closeness with God. I believe you already have it and He knows this.

Peace & ease

Hi Ashley,

Good news!! - The whole point of the 12 step program is to connect you to a power greater than yourself.

Therefore the whole point of the first 103 pages of the big book is to show you how to get connected to a power greater than yourself.

From the book (pg 45):-

"Lack of power, that was our dilemma. We had to find a power by which we could live, and it had to be a Power greater than ourselves. Obviously. But where and how were we to find this Power?

Well, that's exactly what this book is about. Its main object is to enable you to find a Power greater than yourself which will solve your problem"

In my early recovery I spent a lot of time trying to connect to a power. I also spent a lot of time arguing and debating because I did not (and still dont) believe in a Christian god. What I didnt do was work the steps so I got nowhere.

When eventually I accepted that the best way to get a spiritual awakening was to follow a spiritual program, I worked the 12 steps.

I had a spiritual awakening as promised and now live a spiritual life and a life completely different from the one I hd before.

Becoming connected to God is a spiritual awakening/experience and Step12 starts "Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps....."

Not A result but THE result of working the steps.

The 12 step program is by no means the only route to a spiritual experience but it is a tried and tested method that has worked for millions of alcoholics.

I tried lots of different ways to try and get spiritual when I first came to recovery, none of them worked for me but the 12 step program did.

Act as if is what I was told. If you're not sure what God is first off take everything you know about God now and write that on a piece of paper. On another piece write down everything you would like God to be. Now throw away the first sheet and pray to the God on the second sheet. I would also suggest that you get your morning coffee or whatever whenever that you sit and talk to that God as if God was sitting across from you. Ask questions, gripe be thankful talk about what is going on in your life. Then listen for answers. In church at meetings at counseling where ever the answers will come if you listen closely. If you do that long enough eventually the you will have that spiritual experience it may be a slow awareness that something is different or you may get the burning bush experience. May God Bless you and show you the way.

hey Ashley... in my (not always) humble opinion your having the beginning of that experience now. just look at how much more open you are. seeking direction. asking very good questions. i know others see it too. sometimes God sneeks up on us. that's what he did with me. pardon my grammar... i'm using my phone to type.

Thank you all so much....I really appreciate you taking the time to help me figure all of this out and I will take your advise...I am not currently in AA but am considering it....I think if I keep praying and working on my relationship with God, it will come....I am trying to focus on the postive and be grateful for all that I do have.....
again, thank you all:) And I will not give up in my search!

It took me a very long time to actually really feel that I had any solid connectedness with God. I was ignorent of anything to do with God when I first approached A.A.. The only things I knew of God were through religious encounters growing up, which was nothing. In A.A. I learned that there is a differance between religion and spirituality. Religion is man made, and has many differant interpretations. Some good, and some not. Spirituality I have learned is our inner most part of who we are. To grow it needs to be nurtured, and fed. It's how we grow. I beleive that we do this by becoming good people. God works through his creations I have learned. We can learn from people, places, and things. In recovery we learn to become more open to these things so we can grow. Usually in our addictions we were closed to anything. For myself, I have learned that God was always with me. I always had the choice of weather to listen or not. I do pray. Praying is the first step to developing a contact with God. When I was first told to pray, it didn't have much meaning to me, because I later realized that I prayed mostly just for things I wanted. I learned a lot about God since then, and not from just any one source. I am open to anything that is good and can help me to grow, and become the good person I was meant to be. It's a choice I try to make each day. At times I stray from God, but after having the peace and contentment that I find with God, it doesn't take to long to get back on track. If I feel those feelings that are not of God, anger, depression, fear, worry...ect Then I know that something is wrong, and it's time to get back on track. Having a relationship with God doesn't just happen because you want it. It's a relationship that you need to take time developing. The more you put in, the more you get. Start off taking that little bit of time in the morning, and before you go to bed. Don't look at God from a worldly perspective. Look at him as the loving creator that brought you here for a purpose, and start beleiving. Lot's of us want God, but we really don't beleive in him. Try beleiving. All the best. James