Hi Jay, it took a while for me to start feeling confident sober, these things take time. I was always looking into the black hole of the future or staring sadly at the past.

In AA I learned to stop doing that. Sure, I make loose plans and appointments etc but I learned how to keep things in the day, in the moment. This is something that has worked well for most alcoholics in AA for about 3/4 of a century, and is an age old practise for others too.

Today it is called "mindfulness" by many, but whatever you call it, it's a great tool for people like us. My life was full of fear, "just for today" keeps it real and manageable.

Once the drink problem left my after working the 12 Steps in my life, I could feel comfortable in pubs and going anywhere but a lot of work was necessary on myself first. I can't run before I can walk.

During the bad times when I was still plagued by fear and drinking thoughts I stuck close to the new friends I made in AA. We had sober days out - doing all sorts of things like hiring a canal boat for the day or going to sober get togethers. I felt safe with others. They understood and were going through the same experience. My confidence got better as quickly as I got through the programme.

You may choose AA or some other way but realise it is something I and many others had to face. We got through it and so can you!

Oh, another expression we use is "one day at a time" - you'll see it abbreviated here as "ODAT" or "ODAAT"

I've just remembered that Buddhists have always practised mindfulness, the good thing is that spiritual principles are an eternal code for living well and peacefully, not hurting others etc that have always worked for us humans, once we live them on a daily basis.

That's why I believe, and so I'm told by atheist friends, that we can all follow spiritual principles for our benefit whether we believe in God or not.

Okay, that's it from me for now :0)

Jay I can relate...being around others was always a little troublesome for me...that feeling of being a square peg in a round hole and booze I thought sanded off the edges until I fit :)

Truth is I am far more comfortable today alone and with others...takes a little time and patience and recognizing the truth...booze did not make me more sociable. ..maybe it made me better able to accept that I was an unsociable sort :) For a while, til it wore off and the plastic smile turned into a grimace :)) Alcohol for me always dangled the promise of companionship but rarely delivered :)

Off for something to eat today with a group of friends all of whom I have met over the last five years. Its a nice day to be out and about...

P

yeah now i think about it i was never sociable more like anti social. I get what you mean about keeping it in the day or the moment but what if that moment or that day feels completely hopeless. how to make the first step to start interacting with humans again, where to start, i just don't know. i spend far too much time on my own but every time I'm around someone i feel anxious to get a way to be on my own but even on my own i can't shut my head up. it's a really confusing time for me, i know the answer is not drink or drugs now iv just got to keep riding it out until i do feel comfortable around people. thanks Antonia and Paul your posts have helped :)

Relax a bit if you can. Think you are being terribly hard on yourself. Hopefully, 4/8 will come quickly and you'll learn ways to make the social anxiety manageable. My social anxiety fluctuates at times. That you are able to socialize here and that may not seem like much, it is. You've already cracked the shell of isolation. .

Please remember that everyone feels that way at times. Mostly what we see is other peoples outsides, and we compare what we see to our insides, and how we feel.
I can recall so many times being absolutely stunned when I'd see a mirror or catch my image in a window. What I saw didn't match how I felt. I felt ugly awkward exposed. What I saw was ...well a pretty face.
Just remember not to compare your insides to others outsides. Inside we are all very similar......wrapped in different packages.
It's taken me years to be at peace with that.
Also what others think of me is none of my business. Great relief in that too for this alcoholic.

Jay, I've always been socially awkward. It takes time and practice to feel at ease. Try to relax and be patient and kind to yourself. The more you are around people the easier it will become. I'll be 39 in May and I still have moments where I freeze up or think what the hell did I just say. When it happens, I just kind of laugh at myself and move on.

Sticky, I totally agree with you. We never truly see ourselves the way others do. I am way too critical of myself. That's when the problems start.

Jay, you sound so much like me. My longest incarceration was 40 days in jail. I sometimes wished they would send me to prison because I felt most comfortable being incarcerated. I was able to read books, without interruption, and I knew it was okay that I do that because I was incarcerated and no one else was going to tell me how I was supposed to be.

Most of my socializing days were always under the influence of alcohol or some other drug.

Did you ever stop to think that maybe you are just an introvert, and the big socializing thing is not for you? So much emphasis goes to extroverted types and the clear message is that we introverts are somehow socially inept, an outcast, definitely not socially acceptable in this day and age of social acceptance?

Please try not to put too much emphasis on your inability to be social. To a certain degree, we need to come out of our shell. Just don't expect yourself to ever be the life of the party. Just be who you truly are.

Take an adult education course in something that interests you. Join clubs of interests (hobbies etc.) Go to conferences of interests.

I made friends ballroom dancing, taking language courses, cooking classes, Follow you spirit. It could be fixing cars or just about anything except wine tasting.

Yh i'm definitely going to venture out into the world and try to get on some educational course's. when i go to rehab soon i think the first thing for me is to find out who i really am as a person because iv been pretending to be something i'm not for so many years, iv not been real to myself so never found peace. thanks for your comments guys its really good to get different perspectives :) Jay