I didn't usually feel guilty while drinking, it was when I was sobering up or the next morning. I often felt lonely though while drinking and would phone family and friends. I would always worry later if I sounded bad. I was able to sound pretty normal for the first 5 or 6 beers...at least I thought so. But I sometimes would write and the difference in my penmanship was amazing. Spelling also became a problem. I am glad you came back in the am and wish you the best as you continue to work on your sobriety along with the rest of us.

When I was at the point you are now, I was full of self-pity, and it wasn't pretty, but it was part of my process of getting to the "jumping off place".
That was where I knew I couldn't live without the booze and I knew I couldn't live with it anymore.
My next step then was to choose life...treatment, a.a. and working the 12 steps with a sponsor followed. That is when I understood what it meant "to got to any lengths"
I am grateful I did not die before that point in my process came.
Apparently God had a plan for me, but I had to b willing...

Thank you all so much for the positive feed back and for letting me know i am not alone!! i have not had a drop since friday.. and GUESS WHAT!!!?????
my husband agreed not to buy any beer at all for atleast a week, maybe longer hopefully forever.. he is seeing he needs to stop too and learn to live without it...
i hate being useless to God and anybody else who made need me when I am drunk. i hate being drunk.. i enjoy the relaxation and the good stuff, until that one too many!! then i hate it.. for me there is no stopping once i start... until i am really drunk.. i am proud i have slowed down sooo much.. 3 times in 2 months is alot better than 3 times a week. again thank you all soooo much

Me too, and I hate it but still do it and I have perfected the art of not making tyisosw, I am good, hide iw well, and hage myalelf for it