I bet I tried to quit a hundred times thinking something or someone online could keep me sober. Eventually I realized I needed to change my stinkin thinkin and do something drastic...

I drove myself to the emergency room, thinking that was the fastest way to get into detox. I was drunk at the time so they gave me iv's to get my blood alcohol down enough so I could be admitted. After 4 days of detox I went into a 3 week IOP where I was treated for the underlying issues that triggered my alcoholism such as depression and ptsd. This was followed by 3 months of relapse prevention group counseling where I learned what my triggers were and how to handle them.

Throughout all the treatment I had, regular attendance at AA meetings were a requirement. I got a sponsor who guided me through the steps and the cravings gradually diminished in intensity and frequency over time but having the support of AA and especially of my sponsor was a huge help. I checked in daily with my sponsor and he helped keep me sober when I was going through some difficult times....

That was 11 years ago and today I have a great life and I have never been happier. I wish the same for you.

Here is an older post which describes some of the things that trigger a relapse:

https://www.dailystrength.org/group/alcoholism/discussion/factors-associated-with-relapse

God Bless

I remember doing the same thing like it was yesterday. I'd tell myself over and over I wasn't going to go and would be proud when I didn't but it never failed that I ended up right back at the liquor store eventually. AA did help me. I had yet another relapse and decided enough was enough. I was going to lose everything if I kept it up. I finally just didn't want that life anymore and didn't want to be disappointed in myself anymore. I went to my first meeting the day after that relapse and I've been sober since. It helped me to hear other people's stories. And to know I wasn't alone. Everyone in that room had felt what I felt at some point and we all shared a common goal. I think it could be beneficial for you also. It's worth a shot at least, right? You can beat this. You just need to find the strength within yourself, because trust me..it is there. Don't let alcohol control you. YOU control your life.
Wishing you the best.

Maybe posting would be a check for you. I mean we can’t stop you from afar but we can listen. Most important though is that you will be listening to yourself. I have been reading The Power of Now. Very interesting. He shows how we need to learn to be the watcher of our minds because, left to its own devises, will lead us away from the moment every time. For me, when I let myself down, it’s some form of apathy that creeps in and takes over. Then the laziest route seems appealing even though it’s the unhealthy choice. Like I need to be entertained. Crazy. Seeing this behavior is helpful in resisting.

Some good comments here already so I’ll keep it brief and concur with Bob that I also vacillated in and out of sobriety until I sought and received support from a proven recovery program. Yes, I know many people have stopped on their own and I’m truly happy for them, but for those us who have a history of relapses, the help is there to break the cycle of failed attempts if we just ask for it. And it is beyond my words to describe the power and strength you get to fight the good fight when you’re sitting in a room or around a table with men and women who really know your struggles, who get you more than you’re closest friend. My hope is that you’ll truly give one of these programs such as AA or Refuge Recovery a chance. Wishing you the best!

Forget aa online. The power is in the meetings - the before and after the meetings - face to face, meeting sober people and soaking up the fellowship.

I think that if AA online would help you, then you should definitely look into it. It would be a start. Posting here is also good. Who knows? You may find that you benefit from the online AA meetings so much that you decide to try in-person meetings. Whatever works for you to get sober and stay that way.
Good luck!

Katie, how are you doing?