" so how can someone stay sober for 7 days and then just flat out relapse? cause it happens to me every sunday.... "

I don't know. To me it doesn't sound like you are relapsing. Sounds like you haven't quit and you drink once every 7 days right now.

Hi KIS...The upside is that you may have not surrendered yet, but you are still reaching out in your own way, which means the bullet you are wondering about the taste of? Keep wondering. You sound a lot like me a couple of years ago. i was so deep in my own black hole, and on most days I felt like packing it in, yet on some days I still had an ounce of maybe I can make it out of the hole and maybe there is still a reason to keep breathing. Your cyclical behavior of drinking every 7 days, sounds like me as well.

For me, after a couple rehab stints, many years of flat out drinking every day and then dry periods with binges on the weekends, suicide attempts, DUI, broken relationships, lost job, and on and on...what finally worked is my getting help to get to the root of why I chose to pick up time and time and time again. When I drilled down to that, faced my shit, dealt with all that was choking me out? That was how I was able to surrender, and really start doing the work of staying sober. It was hard as fuck. I will not lie. But after my last suicide attempt, when I coded out and they eventually brought me back - something clicked. I didn't stop drinking right away, but I knew I didn't want to die. Shit didn't change miraculously over night. Not at all, and 3 years down the road, I have had some relapses...but currently I am 14 months clean, I don't want to kill myself anymore, still cleaning up a ton of wreckage...but I am sober.

The dark place you are in, I know all too well...and I am here. I made it through. You can take the steps to do the same yourself...you just have to make that choice. And truly, it is all about your choices in the end.

You can either choose to take the steps to embrace recovery and believe in your ability to stay clean, second by second if you have to, or you can stay on the road that you are on, and before you know it, those in your life will be heart broken and those in recovery who know of you will be saying how sad it is that we lost another one of us. Choose well. Choose your life. You are absolutely worth it. And this is coming from a person who thought of death, dying and killing herself just about every day for many, many years. There can be a light at the end of the tunnel, if you seek it out. I hope you do. Be well, and please take care.

Are you saying that you are able to white knuckle your way through the week most of the time, but Sunday is somehow different? If so, is this a cycle that has been going on for some time? My interpretation of what you have written so far is that something about Sunday seems to trigger your alcohol cravings. You probably need to identify what that is, even if you aren't yet ready to stop drinking immediately. Your posting here, suggests that may be on the horizon. If so, understanding your Sunday trigger will be valuable information.

It may be something obvious (e.g., a standing Sunday date with a hard-drinking friend), but could also be something more subtle (e.g., subconscious resentment of a family member you only see on Sundays, dread of the upcoming work week due to
unacknowledged career stress, etc). Regardless, it is important to figure out what makes Sunday different. When you feel ready to take the plunge, it will help if you know your trigger(s) in advance. That way you can prepare a non-alcoholic coping strategy.