Alcoholism Support Group
Alcoholism is the continued consumption of alcoholic beverages, even when it is negatively affecting your health, work, relationships and life. If you think alcohol is causing you to lose control, it's time to seek help. Our group is a safe place to vent, check in, get back up if you fall, and reach sobriety.
I have 8 mos sober.
Lately I have been feeling restrained. I am uncomfortable NOT being angry. I am feeling powerless but also irrelevant. I feel as though my passion is gone. I feel as though I can't speak out when I am upset by something. I don't know how to be charismatic and assertive without being egotistic. I don't know how to make jokes without coming across the wrong way. I am trying hard to do right but it is against my nature at times to tolerate certain things and the result is I look/feel like a hypocrite when my true feelings come out.
I am finding I am better off saying NOTHING and keeping to myself. This, unfortunately, is also bad behavior for me. It plays right into the same old feelings of "I am not good enough - there is something wrong with me". It almost feels like I am being dishonest by NOT expressing myself the way I want. And I just don't feel like myself anymore - I don't know who I am.
I think this feeling of being restrained all the time is turning into a big resentment. As far as "self will" vs "god's will" I really don't know right now. I feel like I am overcompensating and not being myself anymore.
Did anyone feel this way in early sobriety?
Lately I have been feeling restrained. I am uncomfortable NOT being angry. I am feeling powerless but also irrelevant. I feel as though my passion is gone. I feel as though I can't speak out when I am upset by something. I don't know how to be charismatic and assertive without being egotistic. I don't know how to make jokes without coming across the wrong way. I am trying hard to do right but it is against my nature at times to tolerate certain things and the result is I look/feel like a hypocrite when my true feelings come out.
I am finding I am better off saying NOTHING and keeping to myself. This, unfortunately, is also bad behavior for me. It plays right into the same old feelings of "I am not good enough - there is something wrong with me". It almost feels like I am being dishonest by NOT expressing myself the way I want. And I just don't feel like myself anymore - I don't know who I am.
I think this feeling of being restrained all the time is turning into a big resentment. As far as "self will" vs "god's will" I really don't know right now. I feel like I am overcompensating and not being myself anymore.
Did anyone feel this way in early sobriety?
I guess where I get confused is when I feel like I am not being myself - especially when I don't agree with people around me. For example, I feel like I let other people get bullied or picked on when I used to be the one to get in the middle of it - I thought I was making a positive difference but I would get SO pissed. Or also, I feel like a certain amount of "ego" is in my nature. I have tried to tone it down but as a result I have become a mute. I don't want the bad aspects of ego but CONFIDENCE I do want to project. Yeesh.
I know. Thinking too much. It just keeps troubling me, especially when I feel like I need to speak up about things.
Everyone else... Thank you too. A lot of good replies here for sure. I appreciate it. ...My gosh I don't even post on here much anymore because I am afraid I am going to say the wrong things.
This paragraph near the end of How it Works in the BB has helped me a lot with coming to terms where I am in my recovery and that i am not alone when it comes to struggling with perfection. I try and do the right thing but rock my boat these days and that could be different. We claim spiritual progress rather than spiritual perfection.
God Bless and bye for now.
Lionel
Many of us exclaimed, "What an order! I can't go through with it." Do not be discouraged. No one among us has been able to maintain anything like perfect adherence to these principles. We are not saints. The point is, that we are willing to grow along spiritual lines. The principles we have set down are guides to progress. We claim spiritual progress rather than spiritual perfection.