Alcoholism Support Group
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I have a crush on a guy.
We have spent a good deal of time talking and hanging out as "pals".
I am trying to keep my expectations in check. I can't figure out if he wants something more or not. I am definitely interested, but I haven't the slightest clue how what to do about it. I basically do not know how to flirt sober. WTF.
I feel like I am new at this - 36 going on 12. I am thoroughly annoyed with myself.
So the question is... If you were single when you got sober and then pursued a relationship, how the heck does that work? I always had booze involved and honestly NEVER have had a healthy relationship even from the start.
This is so weird.
We have spent a good deal of time talking and hanging out as "pals".
I am trying to keep my expectations in check. I can't figure out if he wants something more or not. I am definitely interested, but I haven't the slightest clue how what to do about it. I basically do not know how to flirt sober. WTF.
I feel like I am new at this - 36 going on 12. I am thoroughly annoyed with myself.
So the question is... If you were single when you got sober and then pursued a relationship, how the heck does that work? I always had booze involved and honestly NEVER have had a healthy relationship even from the start.
This is so weird.
M8... 'do you fancy going out just the two of us' ...That sounds like maybe something you people say in England. It is hilarious sounding to me. Lol.
Okay... This guy has 2.5 yrs sober. He made me dinner a couple weeks ago at his house. He frequently invites me to mtgs with him and we normally sit together and then hang out afterward chatting. We have talked on the phone a little. We text each other every day throughout the day. He invited me to his house on Friday and we just chit-chatted about the mtg topic and what we each believed to be the purpose of life - his good answer was serving others and helping in any way he can. He is helping me design a chicken coop for my backyard chickens. And he looks HOT using power tools. :)) We have good conversation when I am not overly distracted by his good looks.
He has some "wreckage" in his past but he seems to really have his recovery together now. He is kind and compassionate and committed to his program. He has been honest anytime I have asked him personal questions. He has not pressured me in anyway which I find a little disarming. I am not used to a guy that is not more aggressive. It throws me off but is comforting at the same time.
Did I mention he is hot? Okay.
So I think I will just take it easy and work on being myself. I am actually a flirtatious person in a friendly way with everyone, just struggling at this with him. I am trying to NOT control the situation - this is new for me. Maybe I will offer to make him dinner one day this week.
I'll be sure to report back on my progress.
Thanks for all the replies :). This is a good problem to have I suppose.
LMAO! That is excellent.
And poobear said "bang" LOL.
We made my "problem" the topic of my coffee gathering today... It was a split vote between "just tell him you like him" and "just go with the flow".
Maybe your HP has him in your path to restore your faith in all mankind. Sounds like a true friendshp is forming and many things can come from that.
Todays Hazelden is about 'hope and patience'. The 'hope' is defo there so maybe with 'patience' more will be revealed :)
Or just text him after reading this ;P
Either way-telling someone you think they are cute is not going against the flow!
Seeing that you get on so well with this lucky hot guy, you could easily swing the conversation around to how you would love for someone to ask you out. Keep it light and throw a few compliments in his direction and hopefully he will take the bait.
Many years ago when I was only an inexperienced teenager and not wise to the ways of the world, I set off on a journey to London, England. I stayed in a hostel in Kensington and I remember standing outside one hot summers night. There was a lovely Italian lady there who was a few years older and I struggled to try and make conversation with her, hoping for more but not having the confidence to ask. She told me about how thirsty she was and how hot the night was and like a fool I offered to get her a glass of water. Years later, having learned a little bit about female logic, I realized that I had missed a good opportunity. Feeling thirsty was another way of saying I wouldnt mind going with you for a drink.
Have fun flirting with your hot hunk but in the end you may just have to be direct. Mens thinking is often based purely on logic and the answer comes from analysing only the facts as they are known. Relationships operate on a different plane and all sorts of hidden communications are involved. Just be aware that bringing things to a new level with this guy could destroy what you have now if it does not work out. Still, as they say, nothing ventured, nothing gained.
Now I am away to look for those hot power tools that I put away somewhere out of site and tried to forget about.
Well anyway I am geeked out because he is picking me up for a mtg in a bit. Weird to have these butterflies. I thought I had written men off after my divorce. Apparently not.
But if it's actually something he's been tiptoeing around, not wanting to push you into dating if you're not ready yet (because, from your description, he sounds like an honorable guy who would do something like that)...it could lead into a flirtatious conversation about the kind of guy you'd like to date who might sound a lot like him.
Good luck - and keep us posted : )
Been there done that....Ouch!