Well, if you want to connect with sober people, you have to go to places where sober people hang out. Generally, that is NOT in bars. Even a sports bar. I'm not saying that AA meetings are the only places to meet sober people, but establishments which cater to and actively encourage drinking are probably not the best places to meet people who don't drink.

You say you work at a resort - I would think there would be many activities offered that don't involve drinking. Maybe you should look in those directions.

Hello peacelovesober,

First of all, well done on coming through that difficult test. Why not concentrate now on the good and positive things in your life and move on from the rest.

I have been where you are and here are my thoughts on the subject. I was never good in those party situations, drunk or sober as I found it to be such an unnatural environment. When I had to stop drinking and went to AA meetings, I was advised to leave that old life behind. There is a common expression that goes: “If you sit for long enough in the barber shop, you will get a haircut”. In other words, the bars and the parties are not a good place for an alcoholic to be.

This is not a plug for AA, just my story and my experience. After going through the Twelve Step programme with a good sponsor, my life changed drastically. I now have great self-confidence and self-belief and I can talk one to one with anyone, regardless of who they are or how important they are. I can also go to bars or parties without being tempted to drink but I generally don’t go to those places without good reason, partly because watching people get drunk is pretty boring stuff. Of course I would love to be able to get completely wasted now and again but I accept that I cannot do that and I got over it a long time ago. I do not envy the drunks and the heavy baggage that they must carry.

If I were you, I would go on to explore the wonderful opportunities that life has to offer. Maybe you could work too on your own personality issues in order to gain a sense of freedom and to be able to rise above the unimportant little things that people worry about. Like you, I thought that I was different and a shy outsider. Today, I am also different because I live life in the way that I want to live it, I do what I think is right even if other people don’t always agree, I don’t follow the herd like a sheep but try to lead the way if called upon. Today, I connect with very many people.

Therefore, I would say that it is not alcohol that you need but instead, some means of building up your confidence and bringing out the talent that you have inside.

Scarlet, I worked at a sports bar, I didn't hang out in one. I was just thinking that since I worked in a drinking environment for so long, being in a social one wouldn't bother me, so I thought. And I wasn't talking about connecting with sober people, i was talking about connecting with people in general as a sober person. but, I have been thinking, and why would I even want to connect or be friends with people that live like that? The resort that I am at is a hunting and fishing one and its about 1,000 acres. I am here to save for a new car, so sadly I don't have one to explore this beautiful land. Last night, I was asked to join coworkers after work and I had no idea what to expect. I knew there would be some drinking, but I didn't realize it would be the focus. I don't think I will spend time with them again though.

Pj54, Yes, you are right. I guess since I don't know anyone here, It was a half assed attempt to try and make friends or maybe get them to like me. I guess I still care what people think and the girl I came with really wanted me to go with her and I didn't want to let her down. But, parties are no place for a sober person. It was horrible. But, ultimately, yes, I need to build my confidence so that I can connect with people I DO want to actually spend time with. Being here kinda feels like being on a desert island since I have no car and there isn't much within walking distance. I am still a little scared to venture out alone because of how much in the wilderness this is. But, I just need to take it one day at a time and focus on why I am really here. Thanks so much.

That reminds me of the time I went to my nieces wedding which was a huge affair.. Money and status was all theirs and I use to be envious of their position in the world. I remember the time leading up the the wedding, all the talk on facebook was focused on their favorite drinks and having a good time....now this was my family, I am talking about and I should have felt comfortable but I didn't being the only sober person out of hundreds who attended this huge extravaganza! I felt like the odd man out and could not wait to jump in my car and head back to Maine. I was glad there were a few states in between us. I didn't really expect anyone to say "hey Bob, we are really proud of you because you quit drinking", because that would infer that they themselves had a drinking problem. So yea, I can relate to how you felt.

The only place I was able to connect with truly sober people was at AA meetings. I have made some lifelong friends there and we focus on sobriety instead of getting hammered!

The only suggestion I have is don't hate the cards you have been dealt, use it as an opportunity to grow and to change into the person you want to be. This is your life and you wrote the script but you can also edit your script! Try to avoid the temptation to perceive yourself as unfairly treated.

God Bless

Sounds to me like you should be proud of yourself. If you can endure under such partying circumstances, I think you'll be fine! All the advise is very good, I'm taking it myself..

Well done. I think its good to get this stuff off your chest. I recently was in a trip with my wife where all adults were drinking and I felt out of place. I spoke to my brother about it (he too is sober) and just running our thoughts by someone you trust can lighten the load in my experience.

I agree with pj54, if your struggling or early on, it's best to stay out of those situations until you have a firm grip on it. Some of my friends with longer sobriety can sit at the bar and eat a meal without it bothering them, but they all told me at first to be mindful of it.

I guess what I want to say is, it's great that you are aware of your surroundings and know this effects you, currently. This too shall pass.

Over the years I slowly made friends with non drinkers. Eventually, my live got surrounded with non alcoholic drinkers. I have friends,who drink occasionally, in moderation. I am fine with that. I got interest in intellectual pursuits. I made great friends, who have similar interests. Last night I was offered to take home a bottle of wine, after a party. She collected too many bottles that were gifts and she was unloading them on the guests. No one drank at the party. I told her that I do not drink alcohol. She bowed with foled hands " Oh! You are a Buddha." (His path includes avoiding intoxicants) I replied "Doctor's orders" It's true the doctor ordered me, to stop drinking, because I am an alcoholic.

Don't rush things. It takes time to develop the skills to attract good people.

I'm proud of your willpower to stay sober in that situation. I can so relate to the feelings of being an outsider. I quit once , alone , for two years. I was angry that I was an alcoholic, envious that others were able to drink and have such fun. I eventually HAD to drink again or I was going out of my mind. This time I have a replacement for alcohol. I have a program and I'm not sad. Mad. Or feel like I'm missing out on all the fun. I am able to be comfortable with myself. Sorry you are in a pickle but the thing is as an alcoholic I was concerned with how everybody else was and neglected my own feelings. It about killed me in the end
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You did fantastic to not get tempted - that was one verrrrrrrrrrry long night. Well done you.