Alcoholism Support Group
Alcoholism is the continued consumption of alcoholic beverages, even when it is negatively affecting your health, work, relationships and life. If you think alcohol is causing you to lose control, it's time to seek help. Our group is a safe place to vent, check in, get back up if you fall, and reach sobriety.
Hi. I got an advanced challenge on letting go my resentments, yesterday. That is, I spend time with my brother. Back in 1987, when I got sober for 15 years, I also had a mental breakdown. So, I was totally distressed and in and out of psych hospital for a good 10 years. My family basically shunned me, and offerred no support.
So, my long standing resentment with my brother is 'where were you when I needed you?' We've been getting on sort of OK for about 6 years now, not much contact.
I went to visit him and his family yesterday. Part of me wants to get him alone and SAY 'where were you when I needed you?' Part of me wants to just relate as best we can.
I've been working on this resentment a lot in the last few months and it's a lot less.
Then, he tells me my old step mother will be also there! She also never supported me, and she also got all of dad's money in his will. (23 years ago). So, I've really hated this woman, and now i have to meet her!
Well, I put my feelings aside, and was polite, courteous, pleasant. As were they, they were very nice to me, and courteous.
It's just all what I DON'T say that was eating me up. Where were you people when I needed you?
I'm glad I didn't let my feelings show, and that I was able to rise to the occasion.
My brother drove me home, a long way, and really smiled a lot when he said good bye. I gave him one of my drawings to give to my neice.
He seems really happy with how we're getting on, and that's great.
So, now I've got this niggling feeling in my solar plexus. It's a sense of 'I"ve been wronged', and I'm needing to let go of it.
I am putting this here, as I would like some input and others experiences with letting go resentment.
I've come a long way, in terms of how resentful I am, but I need more peace. Thanks!
So, my long standing resentment with my brother is 'where were you when I needed you?' We've been getting on sort of OK for about 6 years now, not much contact.
I went to visit him and his family yesterday. Part of me wants to get him alone and SAY 'where were you when I needed you?' Part of me wants to just relate as best we can.
I've been working on this resentment a lot in the last few months and it's a lot less.
Then, he tells me my old step mother will be also there! She also never supported me, and she also got all of dad's money in his will. (23 years ago). So, I've really hated this woman, and now i have to meet her!
Well, I put my feelings aside, and was polite, courteous, pleasant. As were they, they were very nice to me, and courteous.
It's just all what I DON'T say that was eating me up. Where were you people when I needed you?
I'm glad I didn't let my feelings show, and that I was able to rise to the occasion.
My brother drove me home, a long way, and really smiled a lot when he said good bye. I gave him one of my drawings to give to my neice.
He seems really happy with how we're getting on, and that's great.
So, now I've got this niggling feeling in my solar plexus. It's a sense of 'I"ve been wronged', and I'm needing to let go of it.
I am putting this here, as I would like some input and others experiences with letting go resentment.
I've come a long way, in terms of how resentful I am, but I need more peace. Thanks!
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I invited Bill to have dinner with me last Sunday. He wasn't willing to drive 7 hours to mid Michigan and teased me with his beautiful ribs!!! So, of course I ate alone and had cedar salmon
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check out that smoke ring. It tasted really good. I smothered it with Maulls BBQ sauce which is Local to St. Louis and one of the best I ever had.....
I hope you are able to let it go...because I will say the hurt you feel is your hurt not theirs...they accept you now...that is the key to the city the here and NOW...not the past...the resentful feeling needs prayer...hugs bill
It sounds like he was truly happy that you two were able to spend time together and have a good visit. Next time you see him, maybe you can say something like, "You know, we had a good visit. I really wish we had more contact when I was having so many problems." No accusation just open the door to talk about it... just a thought.
I've carried around the resentment of feeling how a mother can just walk out on her only child while trying to kill themselves and not do anything. As of today, we have never spoken about it. We are almost best friends. Through the years I've discovered that even though family is family, they are people first. People with their own weaknesses and vulnerablities from outside influences. Some people may have the feeling of "Once bitten, Twice shy" or just tired of the broken record, or can't/don't process new situations as we expect them to.
So after all is said and done, I can't look at resentment as anything other than a friend which makes me stronger.
Billy
What has helped me is to forgive people. That doesn't mean approve of how others have treated you you just learn to forgive out of choice so that you can let go. I notice when I forgive I sometimes will pray and admit that I can't forgive on my own but that I am willing to have God help me. Sometimes I even have to ask for help to forgive myself so I can let go of any guilt I've personally had due to the resentments I've held. Then I ask for God to forgive me for any reason at all..then I take a deep breath and blow it all out.
I also occasionally will then pray for my "enemies" which anyone can position themselves to be your enemy that has hurt you. I will ask for a blessing to go to that person.
I have done this now for many years. I am not traditionally religious..when I got sober it was a miracle that was a spiritual gift to me. So I believe in God and I believe in the power of love and forgiveness. And this practice continues to be like cleaning and sweeping out my heart so that I can have peace. It is not always easy but it rewards me everytime and helps me to have compassion for the people that have hurt me even when they didn't deserve it in my eyes.
"At Step Four we resolutely looked for our own mistakes. Where had we been selfish, dishonest, self-seeking, and frightened? Though a given situation had not been entirely our fault, we often tried to cast the whole blame on the other person involved.
We finally saw that the inventory should be ours, not the other man's. So we admitted our wrongs honestly and became willing to set these matters straight."
I can totally relate to your post. And the importance of letting go of resentment and blame. As long as we blame, we are victims. Also someone *else* is then in control of us, our sobriety is contingent on others, etc. etc. Hopeless really.
Your brother isnt perfect, and he also likely has a side to his story and to yours. Perhaps you should do a thorough 4th step on this with your sponsor?
For me that helped. Also trying daily to turn it over helps.