it is your choice to stay sober or to drink....if you choose to drink the likelihood is bad things could happen if you truly are an alcoholic like me....if your not an alcoholic then try to control your drinking and have some fun....

Hello PearlSky,

That is a tricky situation and one that you need to handle with care.

Ideally, you should cancel the party in my opinion but if that is not a viable option you need to take a different approach. Since you are not long sober, being around alcohol and people who are drinking is going to be a big challenge. However, if you can come through it unscathed, it may well give you a good foundation for future progress.

There are several things that you can do in order to tilt the odds in your favour. You could start off right now by doing a bit of journaling about some of the bad or embarrassing things that happened when you drank in the past. You don’t have to post the stuff here but keep it where you can read over it in the coming days. Your mind will try to tell you that your drinking wasn’t really that bad and that a couple of drinks would do no harm.

Educate yourself about alcoholism – I cannot overstress how important that is. I keep posting the link to this video because it is so damn useful:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CMC62Y_5dyE

If you watch the video it will explain how and why your head will try to convince you to drink and what will happen after the first drink.

Is there a non-drinking friend coming to the party that you can confide in and who can be your support on the night? Organising events like that can be stressful at the best of times and stress is your enemy. Therefore, since your boyfriend is so keen to go ahead with the party, step back and let him deal with the stressful stuff.

Remember the slogan H.A.L.T., meaning don’t let yourself become Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired as these are things that often lead to drinking. If you hold a glass of ginger ale or soda in your hand nobody can tell whether what you are drinking so there is no need for explanations. Remember too that most people won’t actually care whether you are drinking or not. There will usually be one or more people with their own drinking issues who will try to push you to have a drink and the best tactic is to steer clear of such individuals.

The book “Living Sober” is full of useful tips, including the following: “Great numbers of us (but not all) believe that the sooner we establish the truth with our acquaintances, the better it is for us. We do not have to keep up any pretences, and most good people appreciate our honesty and encourage our efforts to stay free of our addiction. Saying aloud to other people that we do not drink helps greatly to strengthen our own determination to stay sober. And there may be by-product: Occasionally, we find that making such a statement encourages someone present who also needs or wants not to drink.
Therefore, many of us do not hesitate, when it is appropriate, to say, “I’m not drinking now.”
“I’m not drinking today (or this week)” or simply “No thanks” or a straightforward “I don’t care for any” often satisfies the questioner.
That is just a short excerpt from “Living Sober” and the book is full of such good advice.

Finally, how about doing it for the great man himself, St. Patrick. According to new evidence, Patrick was born in France so I’m sure he will look down and guide you if you ask him. I have had great enjoyment on St. Patrick’s Day for several years now, without a thought of drinking and if you put your mind and prayers to it, you can do the same.

If you have been sober for less then 6 months and you have a party with alcohol then you could easily get triggered and have a relapse. Having alcohol that close to you is a trigger. If you are faced with a trigger long enough, you will drink. It's just...a matter...of time!

I went to a wedding reception and there was alcohol everywhere and I just drank coke, but that was with about 4 years of sobriety behind me so I had things well under control and actually enjoyed being the only sober person in attendance. I told the bar tender I was driving and he said, "Thank God someone is!"

In the end, it's your choice and your responsibility so good luck, I hope you stay sober!

God Bless

I would be drunk if I went to a party with two weeks
Period
1is2many

The issue is not so much the booze it's seeing others drinking that would affect me so much. I would just say f it and drink. Then it would be daily drinking for years more

Thanks so so much for all of you that have taken the time to respond! You have given me a lot to think about and also some great tools to use in the future! Its nice to feel that im not alone! You guys have given me strenght!!
Have a great weekend!
Sending Love
PearlSkye

Any true friend would absolutely have no problem cancelling a trip to your home, for a party, if it keeps you alive and not drunk.

Early in sobriety once, I was asked to be a bartender, and I needed money as well. I took the spiritual principle of caring for others regardless of their actions, or if alcohol was influencing the whole situation. It was a wonderful experience, so if you have an agenda of non-selfishness, even if you end up drinking, it will mitigate the agony of conflicting decisions or input. If you've committed to hosting an event, then you did so, no need to cry over spilled milk, ask God to be with you during the event, and who knows, it might be the best night of your life, all you have to do is be willing to be sober and inside recovery, God does the rest, as far as actions outside of our control, like event planning and gatherings.

If you are asking us whether you should test yourself, I would say no, not a good idea, especially since you say that you don't feel strong enough.

But the reality is that you have people visiting and you are under pressure from your boyfriend you will probably have the party. Now you have to decide if you will drink or not. You don't have to, even if others around you are drinking... and this is true whether you are newly sober or have been sober for years. It is always YOUR choice. But if you have to be around alcohol, be smart about it. Drink lots of water or soda -- you are less likely to crave an alcoholic drink. Get someone there to support you -- if not your boyfriend, see if you can invite another friend you can talk to honestly about your drinking problem and have them be there for you. Have an escape plan if possible so you can leave for a while if you need to. Picture yourself being happy and feeling great at the party without drinking. Think about how great you will feel in the morning when you wake up without a hangover.

I had to go to several cocktail parties in my first month, and I did not drink. I was tempted, but I did not drink. You can do this too.

Thanks everyone i've taken in all you guys have said and we've decided on this; so I am cancelling the party but the people that have already planned to travel to us can still come for the weekend and we can have a dinner party or something! I went to a dinner party last night and i'll be honest when a bottle of red wine was plonked in front of me I felt tempted but I was strong and didnt touch it and that was the only time I felt temptation, I had a great night, I had actual meaninful conversations with people that I remember! No guilt, no hangover and no anxiety this morning! I'm still taking it day by day but I feel like I achieved something last night!! I hope everyone is doing great and your advice and by sharing your experinces with me it honestly gives me so much strenght and positivity!! Thank you! sending love x

Good for you. The thing is much more than the actual bending of the elbow and pouring a liquid down your throat. That part is the result of other feelings that the alcoholic is hiding from. I applaud you to cancel the party, besides the most important thing is your wellbeing and happiness. Most of the time we work so hard to make sure others are happy that we end up not happy. The first and most important thing is your happiness.
1is2many

Hello PearlSky,

Glad to learn that you have done the right thing. Sometimes it is easier to go ahead with something that is not right, just to keep other people happy so well done for making the difficult decision.

Acceptance is the foundation stone of recovery from the alcohol problem. I drank a serious amount and strongly believed that, based on my experience in trying, there was no way I could ever get sober. Once I learned about alcoholism the choice was simple – stop drinking or continue on the downward slide to total destruction. I accepted that I could not drink safely and then something magical happened and I was no longer tempted.

If you come to accept that you cannot drink, having a bottle of wine pushed your way will not tempt you in the least. That said, it is still better to avoid being around alcohol in the early days. There will probably be a big danger time for you once your visitors have departed for home, assuming and hoping that you make it that far. Be aware of the danger and do not be tempted to “award” yourself once the household has returned to normal.

Thanks 1is2many and PJ54, I do feel so much better with this decision, I have also reached out to my Mam and told her of my struggle, she had already known but of course I had'nt accepted! I'm returning to Ireland in three weeks for my best friends wedding so i'm glad I will have her in my corner for that but im trying not to focus on that yet! I'll let keep ye updated after the party! I understand what you mean PJ54 about the reward as i've done that once or twice so i'll be mindful of that!! Thanks again for the encouraging words and advice it's all so eye opening but at the same time i'm like yes I know this, maybe it's just denial leaving me!!

A bientot
Take care xx

Oh my gosh...don't test yourself...sorry that's idiotic. Alcoholism can become life threatening and ruins people's lives. If you aren't drinking now, you need to continue to surround yourself with healthy activities, not parties. Would you put heroine in front of a drug addict and say "I'm just testing you"...ridiculous!
Please....I'm an alcoholic and went to a 60 day treatment program...your brain is changed because of alcohol, it's no longer a test of will power...you have a disordered brain.
Look at the anxiety it's already causing you!

Thanks for sharing that video with us PJ. I really needed to watch that today. It made so much sense.