I have found that there is no numbing of the pain. Drinking only magnifies the problem. Sorry to hear you have had your fair share of problems and that you find you need to drink to cope. You may be functioning normally right now but it will only get worse with time and you are right...if you are drinking you don't know what normal is. I would tell you to get into a 12 step aa program and just don't drink today. We only have today. One day at a time. Hope this helps

Hello ikers4,

Sorry to hear about the troubles you have endured. Even though you may have been drinking in reaction to what other people were doing it is important for you to take control of your future now.

Not knowing what normal is tends to be common for many people with a drinking problem, possibly because we tend to avoid the company of normal people and seek out those who are like ourselves. I heard it described one time as: Abnormal was normal to me. What I would suggest is dealing with the alcohol problem first and if you find it difficult to do it on your own you may wish to consider getting help from AA or from somewhere else.

Dealing with the abusive childhood is something that may require professional help. I have several friends who had this problem and they found it difficult to move forward until they talked to people who were experienced in dealing with this sort of thing.

That important birthday is good motivation and I hope it turns out to be a happy one.

I was happy to get where I could respect myself and give and accept love from others. Normal is a setting on a clothes dryer...

Hugs,
Dennis

I've learned that I drank because I'm alcoholic. I happen to have had a history of pretty horrible abuse but that's not why I kept drinking. It might have contributed to why I enjoyed escaping my reality, but it didnt make me alcoholic. There are men and women in my home group who have far harder stories and some who seemed to have come from perfect loving homes only to become alocholic anyway!
I found peace and serenity in sobriety a day at a time through working the 12 steps, through hearing other alcoholics tell their stories and mostly through a connection with a kind/ loving higher power.
Walla no need to numb the pain anymore:-)

I did not know that my father was an alcoholic until he had to quit drinking. After all he drank as much as our neighbors. I thought to myself "How could he get so low. What a loser" I thought that I could drink like a man. I was just like him except I did not physically abuse the kids. They suffered from my abuse of alcohol.

I was always trying to be normal after I quit drinking. Finally I learned to love and accept myself. I am weird and I am very comfortable with it. I do not think that the so called normal person exists. If they do exist that would make them abnormal because there are very few of them.

I am planning a trip to Mongolia in July. The comments that I get back is that it is not a normal vacation. Who cares?

I'm so happy to have all of your support. I was feeling a bit down earlier and I am uplifted after hearing all your kind words. Thank you!

There is another group here for people like us...

http://www.dailystrength.org/groups/adultchildrenofalcoholics

There is also a good book you can read on the the subject of living with alcoholic parents called, "Healing the shame that binds us" by John Bradshaw, and you can get it used on amazon for a few bucks.

Life is never easy and we need each other to help us over the potholes in the road of life!

God Bless!

That sounds like my story to a t. except it was my father. I finally was able to stop the cycle for at least this day. Good thoughts your way!!

1is2many

I can relate to numbing the pain. Problem is when we numb it.....it just goes deeper inside and is hard to fish back out.

I had therapy and educated myself by reading books on abuse and alcoholism.

Also, A.A. not only taught me about myself but I was able to understand my alcoholic abusive father a whole lot more.

Best wishes....life is a journey not a destination.