Unfortunately, I don't think good thoughts, vibes, prayers are going to be enough. You need professional intervention. And fast.

ditto!!!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o6qM3KJWCRc

As I suggested in reply to your post in PDA, there is outpatient help you can get like I did. I was able to work full time while attending outpatient therapy in the evenings. It was a 3 week deal that started me on the road to recovery. You addiction has such a huge grip on you, you are not listening to what others are suggesting and you're going down with the ship!

Please see your doctor and get help asap!..

I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

God Bless!

I will say a prayer for you today. There is a way to live a natural normal life if you want. Cmon you can as many others have recovered.
1is2many

I'm thinking I agree with TexiCallie on this one.

You are very young and with intensive help you could move on from this and lead a very productive and happy life. It's not going to happen on it's own, though - hard work is inevitable. I know you have said that you are adverse to AA and in-patient so have you tried counselling? Have you told your doctor what you are going through? It's very hard to kick this kind of addictive behaviour without some kind of support. I hope you reconsider because if not you are facing a long road of misery and struggle ahead of you.

Most of us that are on this board have a decade or two on you and would LOVE to go back and tell our younger selves to GET HELP NO MATTER WHAT THE COST. Don't waste your life on this shit.
HUGS
Jen

I was on what I call the "relapse rollercoaster" for years. it was truly miserable. I didn't get sober with AA. The online community is where I got my support. I will say that you will have to do something different to get sober. there are 2 things I can identify which made the difference for me. 1. I stopped trying to accomplish several self-improvement goals at once and focused on getting sober only. In particular, I was always trying to lose weight. I eat dessert daily now. that's my indulgence. 2. I started turning down social invitations. in the past, I would try to attend all the dinners & parties and be the only one not drinking. I don't do that anymore. If I don't think I can attend an event w/o drinking, then I simply don't go at all. I've become quite the homebody and I'm really enjoying it. it sounds like you really need some help. If you don't want AA or inpatient, I suggest you look for outpatient programs and/or an addiction counselor. Good luck to you. I'll be sending good thoughts & prayers your way. :)

Hi Current~~

I'm so sorry you're suffering right now. If you truly want this nightmare to end, you must be willing to do whatever it takes. Have you looked into the resources available in your area to help you be the best you possible?

Baby Shelby said it all and the other posts as well. Please know how you can turn your life around just by reaching out for support and guidance. A doctor can evaluate your health and get you started on a plan to be sober and healthy.

Good morning Current -- It's been two days since your post and I pray that you are OK. You will have to surrender to this and stop using for just today to give yourself a chance for today. When your brain is fried, you have no chance. You ARE WORTH IT!! but only when YOU decide you have had enough and are ready to take any path necessary. The ones you have been trying are not working for you. You are so young with everything ahead of you. It WILL get better even when you think it can't. The pain WILL STOP if you start to let it stop and do the next right thing. This is a minute to minute fight for your life right now. Just keep moving toward the next right thing, even when you feel agitated, sad, tired, angry. Much love, PG

How are you doing today? I hope you have been able to end your bender and start to get healthy.

Rich

Sadly cs, the very thing you'll do anything but is most likely what you need. If you want a successful career, better to take care of business now before you blow it. If you're drinking and using as much as you say, you need supervised detox.

Good luck. Choose well.

Thank you all for your responses. My bender is ending...because well...I don't have the financial means to get anymore. I'm already agitated and nauseated. I'm very close to picking up the phone and contacting the last rehab I was at. I'm not sure how that'll help me, but for some reason, I have a very strong urge to.

Do it! Make the call now. You need to get into rehab.

There is an old saying, "nothing ever changes if nothing never changes"!

Years from now, you will share your story of sobriety with others and they will be helped. Many women can identify. You could potentially save many lives....but you have to be will to do, everything you need to do to get the help you need to stay sober!

Keep in touch!

God Bless!

How's the day? Any news?
1-2