russp,

Would you be interested in a book that tells how millions of us who've been right where you are now have found a power greater than ourselves that has solved the problem?

Here's a link to the online text:

http://anonpress.org/bb/index.htm

If you truly want to stop, you will find a way. Ds is a very good place to start

Well, how about this; Today is the day. Today you can stop. Why don't you check in with us from time to time, and keep talking about it;... we'll help you get through this evening.

If you can get some time under your belt you'll find it does get easier. This is a good venue to begin to quit........ if you can tolerate personalities like mine.....

Thanks everyone. I'll check out the book. And, I'll keep checking back in with updates. Good idea.

And, that's also very encouraging... getting some time under my belt. I have a feeling that just as this can snowball into crisis, it can also snowball into success.

I really should defer to broader experience on this subject, because I've only stopped drinking once, while many here can provide details from multiple episodes. I'm not tying to be sassy or cute. The truth is, I have no idea why the BB "clicked" for me when it seems obvious that the vast majority of alcoholics find it hokey and/or offensive.

Why does a solution that is self-evident to one person seem so far-fetched to another? I suggest that we simply can't answer that question based on what we now know about the cognitive capacities and predispositions of various alcoholics. I first read parts of the BB several months before my last drink, and in hindsight I have to admit that intuitively I knew two things. I knew it was the truth for me and I also knew I wasn't ready to accept it, so I didn't try. I had, as the clich goes, a head full of AA and a belly full of booze.

If that was the private hell I had to go through and the price of admission I had to pay in order to get where I am in life now and appreciate it the way I do, then I'd say so be it. I wouldn't wish that on anybody, but it also raises really tough question, which is, am I really being generous with a fellow alcoholic if I try to shield him from all that misery or talk him out of going through it? I know plenty of fellow-geezers at my local Senior Center who don't begin to get such a kick out of life, motly because they're bothered by things that I'm still enjoying as unmerited gifts.

AA is your best bet. But alot of people won't take advice til it really hurts or something bad happens.

You can get lots of encouragement at A.A. meetings. There is also an abundance of it here, as well as real help. i too suffered many years with addictions. I thought I was hopeless, or one of those constitutionally incapable people. But you know what? Your not. You are capable of doing anything you want, except with your addiction. You need to make a decision. Do you want to live? If the answer is yes, which I'm sure it is, you need to get busy. Any change that is going to happen, you need to make it happen. God, A.A. and supportive people will give you the tools, but you need to use them and apply them to your life. Nothing is going to fall from the sky. There is no magical fix. Recovery is about action. It's a do thing, not a wish. Life is waiting for you. Start now. Forget yesterday and move foreward. Your worth it. All the best. James

Its a great start that you see that you are powerless.

I too battled for years and didnt realise that I was fighting a battle that I couldnt possible win.

Once I saw that I had no power where alcohol was concerned I was able to stop fighting on my own, surrender, ask for help, and most importantly make use of the help that was given.

Without conceding my powerlessness I was no where as I was still acting on the basis I could solve the problem myself.

Well done for having the courage to admit it, that can be a scary thing to do. It is possible to stop drinking and stay stopped. I know because I have done so you can do it too. I found the solution I the book that Nemorino mentioned.

I am with Nicky.....it was not until I realised that my fight with alcoholism was one that I would never win that I was able to surrender.

Each day I used to fight with myself....I used to wonder why I could do so much in life but not stop drinking before blackout! I went through every emotion going.

Then alcoholism began to eat up my life...it kept me home when I had planned to go out, it made me lose friends, it lost me jobs, it turned me up pissed on the first day of my current job, it was helping me to lose my family, it cost me never having kids, it cost me many relationships.....it was hell! Why was I choosing this hell?

Then, I finally got it...I did not want to continue with this battle...I would joke about 'alcohol 1, kate 0' - it was horrid!

Now, I surrender. I know my life isnt big enough for the two of us in it so I chose to surrender and to admit that my life is unmanageable with alcohol in it.

I am still very young in sobriety but all I had to do, ALL I HAVE TO DO, is not drink, just for today. At the start, it was for the moment for I couldnt do the day. Just know, life gets so much better, it really does.

Just for today do not pick up that first drink that you know will get you drunk, just do it, just for today :)

These people are right. Once you find out that you're powerless (like right now maybe?) over alcohol, it's time to quit ~ and it might be the RIGHT time. This time it might just work! I'm one of those AA'ers that some folks around here done like, but it saved my hide!!! But there are other ways of getting sober too. There is NO WAY that I could have done this alone though. I had to have support, and AA gave me plenty of that.

Just remember that alcoholism is a progressive, FATAL disease but you have the power to put it in remission. We're never cured, but we don't have to die!

Keep coming back and you'll see that you can get sober if you want it MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE. God bless you and take care!

Thanks everyone. Great encouragement.

The one thing that sent me down this path (to contact others) is that moment I was standing in the Walmart parking lot telling myself, "Don't do it. Don't do it." And then watching myself walk in there and buy the bottle of wine. That was a very surreal experience for me. And, it woke me up. I realized then that this had a hold of me and I was powerless to it.

So, thank you, everyone. It's helping me realize where I'm at, and where I need to be.

I feel for you. But please know you are not alone, and we are all here to help eachother...

It's been a week now, and things are good. I feel good. I've thrown myself into running, exercise and work. The busyness has been good for me. Plus, the running has been really good. I feel so good. Thank you again for your thoughts and prayers..

Russ