Alcoholism Support Group
Alcoholism is the continued consumption of alcoholic beverages, even when it is negatively affecting your health, work, relationships and life. If you think alcohol is causing you to lose control, it's time to seek help. Our group is a safe place to vent, check in, get back up if you fall, and reach sobriety.
...was admitted to the hospital last week. She's a long-term, hard-core alcoholic. She survived a double aneurysm in 2006, and all things considered had a miraculous recovery. After weeks in the ICU, more weeks in recovery and a month in a rehab facility she recovered close to 90% neuroligically and the only noticeable lasting impact was a slower gait and slight balance issues.
Sadly she went right back to heavy drinking. Vodka was her drink and lots of it from when she got up in the morning to when she fell off to sleep on the couch. She also neglected proper nutrition. I doubt if on average she consumed more than 500 calories a day from solid food.
The doctor was leaning toward a diagnosis of WernickeKorsakoff syndrome. It's a severe B1 deficiency and results in damage to specific areas of the brain.
Well, she took a turn for the worse last night. Cardiac arrest. She's now in ICU on a ventilator, her kidneys aren't funtioning and her blood pressure is extremely low, requiring a transfusion and meds to boost the BP. She's also unaware and incoherent.
Not sure if she's in a coma. The doctor wants to do some additional assessments, however it doesn't look good. She was hinting a decision might need to be made soon, and I asked if she was talking about a DNR. She acknowledged she was.
The sad thing is this was preventable. She'd been sliding down the past several months. First numbness in one arm, tingling in her limbs, lethargy, weakness, etc... She refused to go to the doctor. Her boyfriend, who's also a hard-core alcoholic was also in denial and didn't think it was critical enough to force the issue.
If WernickeKorsakoff syndrome is caught early enough, it's treatable with vitamin B1 therapy. Depending how far it's advanced some or most of the symptoms can be reversed or at least mitigated. Others like memory loss & function can't, but can at least be arrested and stabilized.
The thing is the disease (alcoholism) prevented both of them from grasping the seriousness of the situation and dealing with it in a pro-active manner.
None of this is a shock to me. They are both adults (she's 52, he's 60) and over the years I tried to reason with them to moderate and at least eat well. I pushed her harder way, way back, but as you probably know that turned out to be very counter-productive. She's been in rehab twice, once under a court order.
Frankly I don't think her boyfriend is far behind her. The first thing he does after waking up is grab a beer from the fridge and that continues all day until he falls asleep in the recliner. He's definitely malnourished too, his legs have been swelling and turning yellowish and he has very little strength in them. He also has sever lung dysfunction and any little bump on his body produces nasty blood blotches from ruptured capillaries.
I don't mean to lecture anyone here. I really don't. My sister and her boyfriend might be extreme examples. However I see how horribly this has destroyed their lives and quite frankly caused pain to those who care for them.
Regardless I love them both and it saddens me they have spent the last 5 or 6 years sitting in their livingroom pretty much 24x7 drinking and watching TV. Alcoholism, especially to this degree, is a merciless thief of all life has to offer.
If this post gives only one person that little extra bit of incentive to attain sobriety or stay sober, that would be a great thing.
Best wishes to everyone who is battling this disease.
Sadly she went right back to heavy drinking. Vodka was her drink and lots of it from when she got up in the morning to when she fell off to sleep on the couch. She also neglected proper nutrition. I doubt if on average she consumed more than 500 calories a day from solid food.
The doctor was leaning toward a diagnosis of WernickeKorsakoff syndrome. It's a severe B1 deficiency and results in damage to specific areas of the brain.
Well, she took a turn for the worse last night. Cardiac arrest. She's now in ICU on a ventilator, her kidneys aren't funtioning and her blood pressure is extremely low, requiring a transfusion and meds to boost the BP. She's also unaware and incoherent.
Not sure if she's in a coma. The doctor wants to do some additional assessments, however it doesn't look good. She was hinting a decision might need to be made soon, and I asked if she was talking about a DNR. She acknowledged she was.
The sad thing is this was preventable. She'd been sliding down the past several months. First numbness in one arm, tingling in her limbs, lethargy, weakness, etc... She refused to go to the doctor. Her boyfriend, who's also a hard-core alcoholic was also in denial and didn't think it was critical enough to force the issue.
If WernickeKorsakoff syndrome is caught early enough, it's treatable with vitamin B1 therapy. Depending how far it's advanced some or most of the symptoms can be reversed or at least mitigated. Others like memory loss & function can't, but can at least be arrested and stabilized.
The thing is the disease (alcoholism) prevented both of them from grasping the seriousness of the situation and dealing with it in a pro-active manner.
None of this is a shock to me. They are both adults (she's 52, he's 60) and over the years I tried to reason with them to moderate and at least eat well. I pushed her harder way, way back, but as you probably know that turned out to be very counter-productive. She's been in rehab twice, once under a court order.
Frankly I don't think her boyfriend is far behind her. The first thing he does after waking up is grab a beer from the fridge and that continues all day until he falls asleep in the recliner. He's definitely malnourished too, his legs have been swelling and turning yellowish and he has very little strength in them. He also has sever lung dysfunction and any little bump on his body produces nasty blood blotches from ruptured capillaries.
I don't mean to lecture anyone here. I really don't. My sister and her boyfriend might be extreme examples. However I see how horribly this has destroyed their lives and quite frankly caused pain to those who care for them.
Regardless I love them both and it saddens me they have spent the last 5 or 6 years sitting in their livingroom pretty much 24x7 drinking and watching TV. Alcoholism, especially to this degree, is a merciless thief of all life has to offer.
If this post gives only one person that little extra bit of incentive to attain sobriety or stay sober, that would be a great thing.
Best wishes to everyone who is battling this disease.
-
Dick Van Dyke’s path to sobriety was a turning point in his life and career. Here’s what happened:How He Got SoberStruggles and Realization: Van Dyke began drinking as a teenager, largely to cope with shyness and social anxiety. Alcohol made him feel more comfortable in social settings, but over time, his drinking spiraled out of control. By his mid-40s, he recognized that he had an addictive...
I wasn't sure what kind of response I'd get posting this story here, but I must say you folks are every bit as kind, understanding and compassionate as the folks over in the BU&D sub-forum.
Also the very fact you're participating in this forum indicates to me an earnest effort to confront this horrible disease, whether it impacts your lives directly or indirectly. I have great respect for that quality.
Let me now share a story of hope. I just got off the phone with one of my cousins. In a previous life he was a NYC EMT, but he was a raging alcoholic and also developed a cocain addiction. It nearly destroyed him. He lost a great and satisfying job, the love of his life, was financially ruined and was very near suicide. One night he literally had the barrel of a gun in his mouth...
He did rehab 3 times and relapsed each and every time. He finally had his moment of total clarity, realizing just how far he had fallen (gun in mouth incident), how much he had lost. He did rehab one more time and followed it up with AA. He had a great sponsor who helped him immensely and kept on top of him. That was almost 7 years ago. He hasn't touched alcohol or illegal drugs since.
He's now a NYS Corrections Officer and is doing quite well. So yes, there's always hope. Sometimes that's all we have. Never, ever let go of hope, because then it is truly over.
I can only hope this thread stiffens one person's willpower, resolve and determination, or perhaps convinces one person to attend an AA meeting and then gives AA an earnest go.
I don't need to know it. It's not about me. I'm just adding my voice to the choir with the hope the universe guides it to the right ear, or the right ear to it. ;-)
He was wouned twice, once from artillery which left him with a punctured eardrum and lifelong tinnitis and once from a grazing shot from small arms fire.. He also suffered from a bad back due to falling 20 feet onto his back in a landing craft during training exercises for the Normandy invasion and also frostbite during the Battle of the Bulge.
Needless to say, all the mental anguish and physical trauma of war probably was a big driving factor for his alcoholism. And he was no whimp. He also received a Silver Star for abandoning his fox hole during an artillery barrage to pull men out of a burning truck hit by a round.
Anyway he drank very heavily (Scotch and beer) until he had a massive heart attack in 1969. He survived but as a result had to sell his small business to a competitor who also offered him a position as his chief foreman. I'm fairly certain alcohol at least was partly responsible for this.
He did quit drinking and mom took excellent care of him. He had a couple of smaller coronary problems and eventually succumbed to complete coronary collapse in 1999.
He was a good and strong man, He fought valiantly for his country, ran a successful small business, was an extremely loving and devoted husband and father, and was loved by all his relatives. It's a very large family. Growing up in Queens I had over 30 cousins within several miles. That's what you get with strict Roman Catholic Italians and Irish back in the 50s & 60s! :-)
Anyway, I guess the real point of this post is even strong individuals of good character can and do succumb to this disease. Just my way of saying I don't think this disease is any indication of character. It's truly a disease that can and does take hold of anyone and does not discrimate by any known classification or categorization of people.
Just before my dad passed he asked me to promise to look after mom and sis. Mom was in the early stages of Alzheimers and my sister was, well, my sister. As smart as she was, she never held more than a minimum wage job. My guess is partly because the responsibility of much more would have interferred with her disease's demands.
After mom passed the following week my sister had her double aneurysm. When she finished rehab she initially stayed with her previous boyfriend. He was a good guy and he really cared for her, however he did insist she cease drinking. He was adamant about it. Well, you can guess where that led.
As soon as she had regained enough of her senses she moved back into the parents house. At that point I just didn't have the heart to enforce the parents' will and sell the houser and split the proceeds.
Over the years I've easily spent $20,000 on repairs, past due utilities, and past due taxes. Earlier this year I had to plop down 1/4 of current past due taxes ($2,600) to get her into a 2 year repayment plan and prevent the house going up for tax auction.
This time I learned a small lesson and they send me $470 a month and I make the quarterly payements to the county assessor. I also baked into this figure an overage that in 12 months will accumulate enough for the current year's tax bill. One missed payment and they are in default and the whole balance comes due immediately.
When she passes that's half the household income gone. I doubt her boyfriend will be able to keep up with that and all the bills and maintenance. Ugh...
I have to admit, he's done his share. He spent close to $7,000 putting on a new roof, had the bathroom redone and also the kitchen. Had the outside painted, the porch fixed and several smaller things. Also had a pellet stove installed.
But the thing is perspective and priorities. Earlier this year, after I got them into a tax repayment plan he was talking about getting the driveway replaced. I had to sit down with him and gently explain the driveway wasn't that bad and just needed to be resealed and in fact the tax payments were far more important.
As horrible as it might sound, I'll also be relieved when he passes too. Aside from the guaranteed additional financial burden I'll incurr, the guy is in serious misery. His quality of life, or more aptly lack thereof, is shocking and very sad.
First thing in the morning he heads to the bathroom. He literally spends a good 20 or so minutes there, straining, grunting and groaning. He'll also repeat this two or three times during the day. Not sure what all is he's passing, as he hardly eats anything solid.
Next on his way to the living room he grabs a beer and sits in his recliner. For the next 15 or 20 minutes it's a painful effort to clear his lungs. He has a small garbage can next to the recliner and several baxos of tissues on the table. Whatever comes out ends up in the garbage can. This continues throughout the day, but to a lesser extent. Grabted this is not directly attributable to drinking, however I'm sure the alcohol clouds his mind to the seriousness of the problem and prevents him from quitting smoking. Not that nicotine isn't also a very powerful drug...
The weakness in his legs now prevents him from carrying his 30 pack of Busch beer from his truck to the refrigerator on the closed in porch. He has a bucket he uses to do it in several trips. The edema in his legs is now even preventing him from lacing up his sneakers. Too tight and too painful.
The bloody blotches all over his arms (and I assume everywhere else) just look horrible. He can't understand what the deal is...
Don't get me wrong. I don't want him to die. He has a good heart and at the core is a very nice guy. I know all this sounds horrible on the surface, but this is also another aspect of the disease.
So I'll sit here, do what I can for him, maintain my understanding and compassion and wait for the mercy of release from his disease.
I also do not want my sister to die. But the way her quality of life has deteriorated so greatly, especially the past year, has been painful to watch. The issue is finally decided for her and release from the pain is very near.
I'm actually at peace with all this. I don't have feelings of guilt. I know I've gone above and beyond to the extent possible. I wish I could have done more, but not only are they powerless in all this, but so am I. I understand.
You have had to detach some with love but even so, you have been a rock to your loved ones and kept your promises. You have done all you can.
Your acceptance of the mercy of release from this disease does not sound horrible at all - it is the kindest thing that will bring peace and no more suffering from this awful disease of alcoholism, should that person not seek help for her/himself.
You see, I too have been there at the end with alcoholics and our Big Book in Alcoholics Anonymous calls it "the rapacious creditor."
It surely is. My brother Martin had longer in sobriety in AA than I do now but I think he felt time sober was some sort of buffer and he fell off the wagon and was dead not long after that.
As an alcoholic in AA I watch what people do and try really hard to learn from their experience so I have less chance of falling into the same traps.
Recovery is possible, yes indeed, but my disease progresses whether I drink or not. AA is necessary for people like me. It tells me all I have is a daily reprieve but that is contingent on my spiritual condition.
I believe that - my illness never takes a day off and neither do I. I am blessed with a passion for recovery and trying to help others. I owe it to myself and to Martin and to the others who didn't make it.
I owe to my family who loved me but were helpless in our illness, one of the worst things we did was steal their peace of mind.
Martin is gone but I am here and today my loving family have some peace of mind today. My dearest wish is to keep it that way if I can, with God's help.
I wish peace and peace of mind for you too.
I'll tell ya Jen, I really resented my sister's behavior before my dad passed in 1999. I know it weighed heavilly on their hearts and their finances too. After he passed it softened a little because of all the heartache my sister went through caring for my mom during the early stages of Alzheimers and keeping her out of a nursing home for several years.
After mom passed and my sister had her double aneurysm, I began to look beyond the disease. Believe it or not, through all the heartache and financial hardship, I grew emotionally and spritually. I discovered the softer side of me in ways I could never have imagined. Empathy, compassion, understanding, non-judgementalism. I'm a far better person now and in no small part due to my sister's afflictions.
BIGBEARSHEART - Oh yeah, I haven't dwelled in the past, nor worried all too much about an unkowable future for 4 or 5 years. I had my own enlightenment, if you will, and that story goes well beyond this topic. ;-)
I try me best to stay in the moment. I think the first two stanzas from one of my favorite poems says it best:
If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too:
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;
If you can dream---and not make dreams your master;
If you can think---and not make thoughts your aim,
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same:.
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build'em up with worn-out tools;
I hope your story reaches someone, even one person, to help prevent them from the same fate your sister is facing. My prayers are with you and your family.
Unfortunately I think gr8ful is correct, many alcoholics do not have a choice in the matter. The only choice is to get help and very few recognize that they need it in the first place. For many, they must hit "bottom," and lose things they value. But even then, the disease may be too strong, depending on how lost they really are.
In my case, it took a horrible car accident (thankfully it was a one-car accident) for me to stop and re-think my path in life. Sometimes that isn't enough for people, however. They have to come to their own conclusion.
As a family member, it must be extremely difficult to deal with. The pain in my family's faces after they understood my condition was gut-wrenching. The only thing you can do is stand by her, but take care of yourself most importantly. Pray for her, help her in any way you can, but most importantly stick together with your family and keep yourself healthy.
I wish you the best. My prayers are with you and your family (and your sister, of course).
-Toad.
Yeah, that was the main reason I posted here. Of course I also wanted some support, and I certainly received that and in spades! Big HUGE thanks to everyone!!
I agree with everything you said. No one can have a choice and free will in this disease. For instance my sister had several DUIs, the last one a roll over accident resulting in court-ordered rehab. That didn't stop her. A double aneurysm didn't stop her either.
Anyway she almost at peace and will soon be released from all the torment and suffering. Her boyfriend did make it to the hospital yesterday to say his goodbyes. After confirming that I spoke with the on-call doctor for her ICU unit about switching from active care to comfort care.
He affirmed what her primary ICU doctor did yesterday morning, but wanted me to wait for that doctor to get back in this morning to make the change in care. Said it will most likely be only a fewe hours after switching care before she passes.
I've already called family members and related this last update and everyone is supportive of this decision, including her boyfriend. He told me he couldn't go back there, that's not the Boo-Boo he knew and loved. It was pretty hard on him. She was all bloated, pale, on a ventilator with all manner of IV feeds. He agreed the best way to respect her was to let her pass peacefully with dignity.
The last sad chapter is when I spoke to him he was cracking open a beer. This won't even give him the slightest pause. He's not all that far behind her, and I suspect this will hasten his end.
Love the poem you quoted, it's one of my favourites too.
Half of the nurses I know are DNR. Heck, I'm DNR myself. I do not want my last seconds on this earth to be someone pounding on my chest with little hope of bringing me back in any meaningful way. (CPR rarely works like on TV. And definitely, if done right, breaks all of someone's ribs.)
A Separate issue is to switch your sister from doing everything medically to save her, to "Care and Comfort". Care and comfort can mean different things, but basically they keep her comfortable and don't do things that might cause pain.
I just wanted to keep her on DNR with active care until I could arrange for her boyfriend to make his visit and say his goodbyes and make his peace. He did so yesterday.
DNR JUST means that they won't do CPR or try to shock her heart back to a normal rhythm.
On TV CPR looks like it works most of the time.
In real life it's anywhere from 2% to 30%. The 30% is for young kids with near drowning or situations where people got really cold.
You can be DNR with a respirator, IV's and everything else.
And well, she may very well pass in hours, but it could be days, weeks, or months. No one ever really knows.
Comfort Care is Great Care though... They won't even wake her up to take a blood pressure. They'll go in check on her, give her meds if she appears to be in pain, give her meds to dry up secreations (fluids) if she's drooling....and just in general keep her as comfortable as possible.
It's the way I'd want to go.