Oh Piper! Let him come.
And be sober.
You will offer him a peaceful passing, if you stay sober.
That's what he wants and you are.
Being sober is not going to make his passing go quicker. It will make it more peaceful.
78 is a good, long life.
Perhaps do what Nodp2day did:
Get a videa and get him to talk about his whole life.
Ask about what he was like in grade school, highschool. Grades. Popular? Nerd, dork?
First loves....
Meeting you Ma.....
Wars??
He will LOVE it and so will YOU.

WHoo,
I had a bit of a tear reading your post. I love seeing Mothers and daughters together. My Mum died when I was 19, and I look at my daughter, and know I want to be around to have those phone calls later in life, and being sober, remember them and hold them dear to my heart.

I too don't have a relationship with my Father, that is my choice. I felt I couldn't see him, so I wrote him a letter, read it, then burned it. I am quite content to surround myself by people that make me happy, and that may not always be blood relations.

CM xxx

I have never ever had an argument with mu um or even a cross word, for most of my life, I was just too damned scared of her! But, she was one of the people that I had the biggest resentment against and it nearly killed me because it drove me quite literally mad and I spent a long time in a mental hospital! (I was 2 years sober at the time!)

One day I just knew that unless I let my resentment with her go, I was always gonna be spending time in the hospital or I would have to kill myself and had already tried 7 times, so I think I was running out of my chances!
I know that she can push my buttons, so I try to be careful about when I see her. Even though she was very abusive when I was a kid, the truth is that she was sick too and I do understand that she loves me and always did.
She's coming to my house on Boxing Day, but I HAD taken the bull by the horns and asked her to spend Christmas with me, she just happens to have made other arrangements. She is 72 and I just want her to have a peaceful life, for what is left of it. I don't resent her anymore which means that I am free to love her.

Well, I have 5 years until I'm 40 but I consider my relationship with my Mom to be important although I have to set up a massive amount of boundaries for it to work. About 8 years ago I was still caught up in a lot of dramatics and pain and sabotage with my Mom. I finally started breaking patterns and stopped falling in to old traps. I was told by many counselors to walk away. I didn't feel that was the answer to the problem. I can still be unexpectedly slapped around but I refuse to engage. I love her very much. My Dad is much easier to deal with. I don't know how the heck they've stayed married for 38 years but they have. Two totally different people when it comes to parental love.

Isn't it funny that the vast majority of this world has issues with their parents?
Well...I guess funny is not the word....
There does come a time, I beleive, when we need to stop being a child and act like an adult and not allow them or anyone to talk to us or treat us in any manner that is inappropriate ( to us ). My time came.
Bubz- I bet you a million, trillion dollars that if you told your mother how you feel - and I don't mean by letter - if you told her how you feel. How you have been feeling your whole life, she will not leave you!
She will most likely, in the end, respect you and love you even more.
It could be a glorious beginning of a glorious relationship.
Give it a shot, hon.
It's Thankgiving time.
Perhaps you can start the conversation with little things you remember as a child that you hold dear to your heart.
I have this on-going thing I do with my Ma.
Every now and then I'll write her a childhood memory that I loved about her.
One I call coffee breath.
I LOVED my Ma's coffee breath. Just loved it.
Now...the only way to get a real good wiff was to ask her to cut my bangs and put my hair in pony tails.
She always took so much time on my bangs and always made them perfect but it was a bit taxing for her cuz she wanted them perfect.
That means.....she exhaled alot...and I got her coffee breath. I was in heaven.
LOL
True story.
She would never know that unless I told her.

I want to respond to everyone and thank you but I would like to tell you, CoogeeMom, I am so sorry for the loss of your mother.
My Ma is getting up in years and I just can't loop it thru my brain that I will be losing her.

I went back and forth about posting here...for a while. Sat with my fingers still for well, also a while. With tears streaming down my face. As you all probably know, I am very tight with my family so this subject hits home for me. My sister gets very irritated at my mother and I have to keep reminding her that she won't be around much longer.

I wish someone had told me that before my daddy died, I really do. I was younger and drinking and never thought that far in advance. I was blindsided by his death. My dad was an ass, he wasn't the ideal dad, but he had his strong points and I still loved him and miss him today. I don't know much about everyone's relationship with their parents, so please please don't see this as in any way, shape or forming judging.

But if you do love your folks, tell 'em. The guilt will eat you up later if you don't. I fought with my daddy a lot because my boyfriend was of another race and he was raised in the backwoods of Arkansas in the 40's, it wasn't his fault, he couldn't help it, it was how he was raised. But I still have great memories of him. Not lookin for sympathy, just wanted to share.

And I'm home from work with strep today, went to the DR. this morning after a MISERABLE weekend. Now THAT you can give me some sympathy on! :)