Alcoholism Support Group
Alcoholism is the continued consumption of alcoholic beverages, even when it is negatively affecting your health, work, relationships and life. If you think alcohol is causing you to lose control, it's time to seek help. Our group is a safe place to vent, check in, get back up if you fall, and reach sobriety.
It's getting worse and worse. He drinks... so much. I am terrified all the time. Terrified that he will get behind the wheel while drunk. Terrified he will crash (and die) or get pulled over and go to jail. Terrified he will black out and cheat on me (if he hasn't already? He says he has not) terrified he will take the last $20 again that I need for groceries and instead by whisky.
We have nothing. Sure, we live in an apartment (that we got with the help of my brother, by him co-signing the lease) we are late on rent. He will blame me. Because I quit my job in November. We have an 18 month old. I needed to quit. I was not able to work anymore, in that horrible environment where I got yelled at almost every day and would cry and have anxiety, I got so depressed because I just could NOT handle all that, and be married to an alcoholic, and have a 1 year old. But... he will blame me if we are short on rent. Even though we always have more than enough money for rent and bills... he just drinks it away. I have to sneak money for groceries.
We have no car. My other brother is lending us a car for free (I think, because of the baby) so my husband has put aside zero dollars for us to buy our own car. We used to have a car, it is long gone now. It was my car. I was so close to paying it off! Oh well. No use crying over it now. But this car, the loaner, is a manual. I have no idea how to drive it. I asked him to teach me, about a month ago, and he said yes. But... we have had zero lessons so far.
His new friend is disgusting. My husband is smart, has a great job, has so much potential... yet he chooses to befriend this creep, another alcoholic who makes good money and lives like a bum. They get together a couple times a week and get so wasted that ususally they miss work the next day! And then I have to babysit him!
Today he came home drunk from this friends house. He said... when we fight he drinks more because I make him angry. Basically is blaming me for his drinking. Um... I get angry too. But I don't blow our cash on booze. I clean and cook and iron and oh yeah, take care of your baby! He said for me to get a job because he is only paying half of rent this month. So... I started looking. I have no car. I need to put my kid into some kind of daycare. And then I will be taking public transportation to whatever place hires me! God please help me! Today we got a letter saying if rent is not paid in 2 days our lease will be terminated. When I told him, he looked at me and said "That's your brothers problem, he signed the lease." Then he started to cry (because he was drunk) and told me to stop putting him down when he is already so low. So I swallowed my pride and gave him a hug and he pushed me. Kinda hard. It didn't hurt, just I was not prepared for it.
Oh yeah... and then I had to make him dinner. Because I don't "work" so it's my job to cook for him. And then he fell asleep. As I bathed our 18 month old, put him to bed, and cried.
I don't know what to do. I LITERALLY have no car, no money, no job, am being threatened of eviction... and he is sleeping, without a care in the world, and here I am, loosing my mind at almost midnight.
Thank God I found this website. Even if no one makes it to the end. Even if no one even reads one word. At least some of it is out of me. And reading other posts makes me not feel so alone. I've been wanting to go to meetings, but without a car... well. At least I have this place now.
We have nothing. Sure, we live in an apartment (that we got with the help of my brother, by him co-signing the lease) we are late on rent. He will blame me. Because I quit my job in November. We have an 18 month old. I needed to quit. I was not able to work anymore, in that horrible environment where I got yelled at almost every day and would cry and have anxiety, I got so depressed because I just could NOT handle all that, and be married to an alcoholic, and have a 1 year old. But... he will blame me if we are short on rent. Even though we always have more than enough money for rent and bills... he just drinks it away. I have to sneak money for groceries.
We have no car. My other brother is lending us a car for free (I think, because of the baby) so my husband has put aside zero dollars for us to buy our own car. We used to have a car, it is long gone now. It was my car. I was so close to paying it off! Oh well. No use crying over it now. But this car, the loaner, is a manual. I have no idea how to drive it. I asked him to teach me, about a month ago, and he said yes. But... we have had zero lessons so far.
His new friend is disgusting. My husband is smart, has a great job, has so much potential... yet he chooses to befriend this creep, another alcoholic who makes good money and lives like a bum. They get together a couple times a week and get so wasted that ususally they miss work the next day! And then I have to babysit him!
Today he came home drunk from this friends house. He said... when we fight he drinks more because I make him angry. Basically is blaming me for his drinking. Um... I get angry too. But I don't blow our cash on booze. I clean and cook and iron and oh yeah, take care of your baby! He said for me to get a job because he is only paying half of rent this month. So... I started looking. I have no car. I need to put my kid into some kind of daycare. And then I will be taking public transportation to whatever place hires me! God please help me! Today we got a letter saying if rent is not paid in 2 days our lease will be terminated. When I told him, he looked at me and said "That's your brothers problem, he signed the lease." Then he started to cry (because he was drunk) and told me to stop putting him down when he is already so low. So I swallowed my pride and gave him a hug and he pushed me. Kinda hard. It didn't hurt, just I was not prepared for it.
Oh yeah... and then I had to make him dinner. Because I don't "work" so it's my job to cook for him. And then he fell asleep. As I bathed our 18 month old, put him to bed, and cried.
I don't know what to do. I LITERALLY have no car, no money, no job, am being threatened of eviction... and he is sleeping, without a care in the world, and here I am, loosing my mind at almost midnight.
Thank God I found this website. Even if no one makes it to the end. Even if no one even reads one word. At least some of it is out of me. And reading other posts makes me not feel so alone. I've been wanting to go to meetings, but without a car... well. At least I have this place now.
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check out that smoke ring. It tasted really good. I smothered it with Maulls BBQ sauce which is Local to St. Louis and one of the best I ever had.....
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I was recently separated from my wife of 33 years and it's complicated. Anyway I rented a room about 15 minutes away and I see my kids about once a week. I see the people who own the house I live in once in a while but other than that I stay in my room where I do my cooking, wash dishes in the shower, read, color, and sleep. I get out at least once a day. I grocery shop and I attend 2 meetings...
I am sure someone on here can help. You sure need to offload, both on here and with someone you can confide in. A first step lead is needed to get you and your family moving forward.
Hugs to you (big ones)
G.
I wish that I had the right answers for you but unfortunately it is not that simple. The best that I or anyone here can do is to look at your situation from the outside and make observations and suggestions.
The most important person in this relationship is your little child who is dependent on you for protection and safety. The next most important person is you. Therefore, whatever you decide to do, the wellbeing and safety of your child and yourself should be your number one priority.
Your husband is a sick man but he is also an adult with responsibilities. No doubt you love him and would wish for a happy future together and that may or may not happen. Right now, you may want to ask yourself what your husband is contributing to your relationship. Would you be better or worse off if you were on your own for a short time or for longer? You are not your husbands keeper, his mother or his servant. Neither are you responsible for making him drink, no matter how much he tries to put the blame on you. Blaming someone else and using that as an excuse to drink is a common alcoholic ploy but I think that you can see that for yourself.
You are terrified of what your husband will do and that is no way for you to live. If he does do something stupid, he will have to bear the consequences but that is his business. You are lucky to have the support of your brothers and maybe you are going to need them a little more. As I see it and it is only my opinion, you need to start making plans to become more independent. Maybe you can have an honest talk with your husband when he is sober but dont bother trying when he has drink taken. Would it be better for you to tell him that you are not prepared to accept things as they are and that he needs to sober up or move on? This would not be a case of you putting him down so dont fall for the tears or let him shift the guilt to you. Would it be better if he moved out until he sorts out his drinking problem?
You have driven a car before so learning how to drive a manual one is not a big deal. Would your brothers or a friend give you some lessons? Your most immediate problem is the overdue rent so you need to try and sort that out. Maybe you can talk to the landlord and come to some sort of understanding. Can you pay a little and promise to pay the rest once you get a job? Is there a housing agency in your area that could help?
Dont let anyone physically hurt you, end of story. The pushing may be a once off occurrence or it could be the start of physical abuse. The only way to handle that if it becomes a problem is to involve the police and the courts. I would also bar your husbands offensive friend from your home. You are entitled to feel safe and respected in your own place.
You have a lot of things to deal with but try not to bunch them all together into one big ball of worry. Instead, separate the various issues and look at dealing with them one at a time. Take help from any place that you can get it but learn to stand on your own. Nobody owns you.
You need alot of support for yourself and Alanon is a great place to get that support. You will meet others dealing with a loved one's disease and you will learn what works and what doesn't work in dealing with them. I understand you are in a bad place but please understand that you can learn how to be happy despite your husbands unwillingness to get the help he needs to quit drinking!
You will need alot of support to help you make some important decisions going forward which is why I strongly suggest alanon.
If you call ahead, you should be able to find a ride if needed..
I googled this site to help you understand how it works. I highly recommend because I know dozens of wives who have been helped by alanon.
http://www.new-life-in-recovery.com/alanon_meeting.html
In the meantime, we will keep you in our thoughts and prayers.
God Bless!
You have helped me to remain sober today. For that I thank you for the insight into the hel I used to live.
Also I will say there is hope. It is possible for someone to plug the jug. But they have to be in pain. My wife never said I needed help b/c I wouldn't listen, but she did make me do my own laundry and make my own meals and didn't enable me one bit. I finally had enough of the drinking and decided to get help. I didn't know anyway other than how I was. I had become reliant upon booze to cope. It was my owner.
I found some help in a group and I would suggest you get some close friend to teach u how to drive that car. It's not that hard and I bet in a couple of hours in a parking lot you could master it. Then you have options, wheels. Then you could go to a al anon meeting and start getting help for yourself. You deserve to be happy.
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Please take a look at where you are now and figure out where you want to be 5 years from now. Or 6 months from now. It is unlikely your situation with your husband is going to get better. Is this the environment you want to raise your child in? What happens when your son gets a little older and sees what is going on? I hope you find a way to not feel trapped in your current situation. Maybe your husband will end up sober. But while he is drinking it is a crappy environment for you and for your son.
Here is another group you might want to check out as well:
http://www.dailystrength.org/groups/wives-of-alcoholics
Agree with the others for the most part.
Nothing will change unless you make changes. You a child; you are an able bodied adult.
Get out and get your child into a stable environment. Then get a job. Get an income.
Your husband will either get sober, or he will get worse but nothing you can do will force his hand. So take care of yourself, and your child.
Sounds like your family is very supportive, and, although I don't think they should take care of you forever, they might help you get back on your feet if you leave.
If all he does is pay some bills but he is emotionally and possibly physically abusive and doesn't seem to care about preserving you're relationship...might be time to leave.
I get it that he's the father of your child, but do you think you both might be better off without him in the long run?