In How it Works, the text Alcoholics Anonymous provides for others if they want to use their way of life to stop drinking, it says a life run on self-will can hardly be a success.  They also say that getting to the point of admitting that is a requirement if one wants to grow towards a manageable and understandable life.  They go on to say our self will makes us all about our selves, overly concerned with our wants, our wishes, our resentments (hurt feelings) and our self-pity.  

They say that selfishness is the root of the trouble we experience, and we have to get rid of it or we die.  Then they say, as frigtening as that is, because if you've ever experienced this, you know it is not easy news to recieve, that God helps us with that.  So, for me, how it works, is God.  God if I look hard enough, and really believe this step of turning my will and life over to him, takes over, takes control, and leads the way.  

I recently got a bit too ego-centric I know now after the experience is over, and had to let go of a job, that paid well and was going to set me up for a great career financially.  It had to do with co-workers, and how our egos clashed, with me, unable to not be selfish, and not be demanding, walking away before things got out of hand, due to my own anger and needs to have my way.  The good news is each day the stress was building I got on my knees and offered my life up to God, and humbly said to him, I give this problem to you, I am not able to really solve it.  Long story short he removed me from the situation, with a moment of clarity that I was only their for the money, and I had built up real hatred for certain people there, and both of those going forward, his love and care do not want me to suffer from right now.  

However, even though there was a solution, presented by God, with a moment of clarity, that I took action on, and felt immediately better from, even though others thought I was crazy for doing, because when broken down, the other party is so wrong it is embarrassing, my mind, my ego, still is telling me, through it's relentless selfishness, that I did the wrong thing, even though, I know in my heart and spirit, God did the right thing for me.  It's a great example of how the ego, far apart from God, can and will think it is God, and that is a spot, no alcoholic or even simple person just struggling in life, needs to go to.

How it works is clear that we need the "aid" of God to have the selfishness removed.  I as a humble person, who recently had to have pride removed, which is always foreign to people who still suffer from pride and think is a thing of honor, really needed God's help from some very difficult and selfish personalities, that my own difficult and selfish personality was subconsciously competing with.  If I would have stayed in that situation I would have become more resentful, more full of pity, more will driven, and engulfed with a pride that would have made my life going forward a huge lie, apart from God. 

I quit playing God by forcing myself to take on the drama a decent paying job had to offer, and I quit playing God by letting go of the fear, my ego was producing that if I let go of a money seeking driven desire, I would be stupid, or needy, or quitting.  Well to the ego I am stupid, needy, and a quiter, but to God I am someone who honestly sought help, and got it because he is there exactly for that reason, to help. 

Now going forward, I have to see what exactly took me to the point of where I got, where my levels of defect actually wanted to hurt people, and now have a residual on them of hate.