AA's idea of making amends to those who have been harmed by the disease of alcoholism, is just a suggestion. The roots of patience, kindness, tolerance, and love, are how they want to live their lives going forward.
I don't think this is the only way. I think being impatient, rude, intolerant, and hateful towards people who have done wrongs directly to me, is just fine. I have to be honest.
The other day, I was in a meeting, in where, a tradition of AA, says, it has the right to be wrong, and this is one of those steps, that I find, wrong.
If someone does something directly to me, they know is going to hurt me, then I think it is 100 percent proper to be impatient, rude, intolerant, and hateful towards them. Well, at least to have those thoughts of them, but acting contrary takes an extreme amount of energy, so I also think it is ok if I am impatient, rude, intolerant, and hateful behavior wise towards them and those they love.
Strangely enough, that keeps me sound and sober, but it does keep a gap between us, which is important, because if I were interested in restoring the broken road or burned bridge, I'd care, but I honestly could really care less about that, so my direct amends is to keep my distance from them so I don't actually hurt the witnessing of the world by hurting them. In a perfect world I would 100 percent hurt them openly for all to see.
This step, step nine, in the society within a society called Alcoholics Anonymous, says made the amends whenever possible. It is impossible for me to believe that if someone does wrong to me, I have to make amends to them. As a matter of fact, you are a moron if you created something that operates that way. If someone does something wrong to me, I should do something wrong to them, it's that simple like mathematics, one plus one equals two, so I don't believe in amends, especially amends that involve people who know they are wrong, knew they were wrong, and didn't care at the time. This goes back to the deep seeded faith that AA has regarding forgiving others, clearly a Christian principle, but AA is all-inclusive, so what about those who weren't born to adhere to Christian principles? What if your mind is hardwired into thinking that all this forgiveness talk is a bunch of bullshit, scared people, love to promote? If you've done some fucked up shit, and now you're begging for forgiveness, isn't that so convenient, for you? What about all the other people that fucked up shit, put shit stains on? Is your being forgiven going to erase the shit stains others have from your fucked up behavior and disconcerted efforts to ruin others and not give a damn about them when you were doing your fucked up shit, not wise enough to understand or know at the time you will never be forgiven by some really, powerful, people? So, no, forgiveness is not a law, is it an option, or privilage, and I personally, do not have to use it if I do not want to.
When I am honest about that is absolutely how I feel and understand my plan to be, now does that mean it is impossible for me to make direct amends wherever possible? If you have a brain, you see clearly that I do not make amends, and I do not make them because it is impossible for me to do so, directly. I do make indirect amends, however, by personally sacrificing some of my greatest pleasures and doing boring shit like going to AA meetings, asking God to show me what exactly makes a person doing fucked up shit too stupid to realize it will have extremely negative cosequences going forward for them (and others), try to manage my offerings, and gifts, reasonably as if I appreciate them, etc. I directly do things to people when possible, that won't injure them or others, even though they don't deserve it, most of the time, and for some strange reason, that keeps my mind open to amends being good for the world, and good for God's grace.
He goes off on me again about not working full time as I am on disability. I told him he has commented enough on that and flogging a dead horse does nothing to get the horse back up.to that he says then dont tell me of your money worries.It is not good to either of us. He said tell your DA sponsor that stuff. He says I dont take his suggestions which is get off of disability.Im at wits end. He...