Well we all try a few things...funny how we tend not to tell anyone before the experiment :)

Best case that for me would be like playing russian roulette...but the idea of a gun doesn't fascinate me. The idea of just a FEW drinks though...

Stay safe

P

Welcome to the moderation club. I thought that I could do it. My mind blacked out my drinking history.I tricked myself.

I tried a lot of different ways to stop drinking before I found my solution, LN and there were many day 1's. Moderation Management was not one of them but that's mainly in the USA. Here in the UK we have Alcohol Services which goes along similar lines. I didn't go there either. I knew I was an alcoholic and that total abstinence was the only way forward for me, but that seemed overwhelming while I still romanced the idea of drinking.

There is a world of difference between knowing I am an alcoholic intellectually and accepting it, heart and soul. I hope you find that acceptance too. In AA we call that a part of Step 1.

I know you've been to an AA meeting so hopefully won't mind me quoting something from the AA Big Book that pertains to this:

"MOST OF US have been unwilling to admit we were real alcoholics. No person likes to think he is bodily and mentally different from his fellows. Therefore, it is not surprising that our drinking careers have been characterized by countless vain attempts to prove we could drink like other people. The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death.

We learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholics. This is the first step in recovery. The delusion that we are like other people, or presently may be, has to be smashed.

We alcoholics are men and women who have lost the ability to control our drinking. We know that no real alcoholic ever recovers control. All of us felt at times that we were regaining control, but such intervals-usually brief-were inevitably followed by still less control, which led in time to pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization. We are convinced to a man that alcoholics of our type are in the grip of a progressive illness. Over any considerable period we get worse, never better."

It's something that I knew was true for me from own unhappy experience so I started to follow the suggestion of going through the 12 Steps with a sponsor, a suggestion from those I met who had happy long term sobriety. It worked!

That's okay, lostnurse. Happens for most of us.

Hello lostnursetoo,

Although Moderation Management was not part of my journey I have met a few people who tried something similar. Some of these people knew that they were alcoholics but had trouble accepting the reality that they could no longer drink safely. I recall one case in particular where someone went back out and tried drinking a couple of times before finally accepting that he could not drink. I know two other people who tried something similar very recently but found that even a small amount of alcohol made them violently sick (and they were not on Antabuse or anything else).

In my own case, I came to a point where I knew that I had to either get sober or face the horrible consequences of continued drinking. If there was any way at all that I could get away with drinking I would have kept going but I knew that the game was up and I had to try and get sober.

There is a huge difference between admitting to being an alcoholic and accepting it. I was admitting it for some time before someone else pointed out that I was not accepting it. Big Book meetings were important because I learned the exactly what will happen if I take one drink and why that happens. I often heard people say that it was not the sixth or tenth drink that does the harm but the first one. However, it was not enough for me to hear that because I had to know the exact reasons. Once I learned those reasons, based on the Doctors Opinion, I knew that I could no longer drink safely.

In your profession you would not prescribe a certain course of action for a patient unless you knew about the exact nature of their complaint. For example, if you were to advice a person with a pain in the legs to run marathons and later found out the patient had brittle bones, you would probably conclude that running marathons would not be good advice. Similarly with alcoholism, if you do not know about what happens when an alcoholic takes a drink you may be tempted to think that you can manage or moderate your drinking.

If you are an alcoholic your choices are simple; drink and keep going down until you have nothing more to lose or do what it takes to get sober, without reservations. A friend of mine says that in order to recover, he had to resign from the debating society.

Hi LN
before anyone tries moderation management I would suggest doing a background on the program. It was started by a lady who went to AA had a bad experience and began moderation management. For yrs she went around the country bad mouthing AA and promoting her program she founded. Thats when I first heard of the program on the news station that was interviewing her. Next I heard about her was she was in the news again for killing a father and his child cause she drank had a blackout and drove into them killing both of them. She went t prison and went back to AA.. Bottom line before trying something that has proven not to work for any alcoholics please investigate it.

Why would moderation work? You do know the history on that program? And the founder?

I tried moderation too and it didn't work. Nothing wrong with trying different approaches. I think it's better to try rather than obsessing about "what ifs." Good job recognizing it's not going to work for you.

If it'd crossed my path I probably would have tried it too. Welcome to a new day. Just don't give up!

Thanks for everyone's support. I am not giving up at all. I thought I had researched Moderation Management, but was shocked by what I have since learned about the origins of that program. Funny that they left that information off their website!

I have several challenges that I don't know, or haven't figured out, how to overcome. The first is that I have lost my historical coping mechanism for stress which was exercise (and I mean long distance running, spending 1.5 hours at the gym...). I have had major surgeries (neck and hip) that do not allow me to exercise like I used to....and walking, yoga, swimming, etc. are just plain boring to me! The second is that my husband is NOT supportive of my attending AA or even of my participation in this forum. He is of the mindset that you do not "air your dirty laundry" in public. Neither of us really accepted that I can not drink normally, I have now, but he still thinks it's a discipline issue. And believe me, he is not going to attend an Alanon group or become educated any time soon. I am going to have to do this without his support and that is going to be difficult. I can do this!

Antonia and PJ - I can honestly say I am at peace with Step 1 and I could not say that before. I admit defeat!

I think you will meet more than a few along the way who's husband or wife objected to the method used to get well from alcoholism. Mine had the same view as yours, so I just went right ahead and did what was true for me, not him. He's not an alcoholic.

I didn't feel alone with it because of the new friends I made who were on the same path as me. Mr B got used to it and would ask if I had a good meeting when I came home and I would answer yes and that was it. Then we would talk about our day otherwise. It's still the same today. Just as I'm not fascinated by the engine parts he strips down and rebuilds, he's equally not fascinated by the whys and wherefores of my recovery. We both enjoy the end results!

Hello lostnursetoo,

It looks to me as if you had to go back and confirm what you already knew and it may not be a bad thing that you have done that. Now you can accept that drinking is not an option and you can plan your next move.

What is often suggested at this stage is that you must be willing to go to any lengths in order to achieve sobriety. That means that for a while, everything else should come second, including the challenges that you mentioned. This is one area where multi-tasking is not recommended.

You may want to consider now whether you can stay sober on your own, maybe with the help of this forum or whether you need that face to face support that your husband is not keen on. You will no doubt make up your own mind so I am not going to promote the AA programme of recovery, except to say that it is one of the best ways that I have seen of preventing stress from developing. You cannot continue to push yourself to the limit physically forever in order to relieve stress but you can adapt the mind to new challenges at any time of life.

In an ideal world you would have the support of your husband but as you will know we do not live in such a place. This is where you may need to be a little bit selfish for a while and put yourself first, regardless of whether other people are happy with it or not. Explain to your husband that you go to closed meetings of Alcoholics Anonymous that are not open to the public and that anonymity is taken very seriously.

From what you have posted here in the past, it is easy to see that you are a can do person. Just remember that it is said that a doctor who treats himself has a fool for a patient. Similarly, a nurse may need an outside opinion in order to recover from alcoholism.

Hi LN, after managing 7 weeks of sobriety for the first time, i thought that I would be able to drink on 'special occasions' such as on a holiday to a pacific island for a week. What started off slowly on day one of the holiday (2 drinks) rapidly escalated over the coming days with a black out on day 5! It has taken me over 4 months to get back to not drinking again. I joined this site this week and finally realize that it just isn't worth ever having that first drink. Phew.....a bit scary but actually very empowering at the same time

I will tell you this story some body told me...

Its like we are in a fort out in the wilderness, we just all stick together and keep vigilant we will be ok... but every once in awhile somebody goes out and returns with a bunch of arrows in them...

you simply telling us this story helps all of us to know that sober is the way to be. I really have to thank you for letting us know there are injuns out there that want to kill us.

As much as i kid... this is some serious s#$T. I must say that in order for me to find some good recovery, I had to get some guidance from other alchys about how to handle life and all the things that get thrown at us that we must be able to cope.

See I simply couldnt cope with life for years so I just drank. It worked for a long time but then everything just went to he!!. I couldnt cope with anything with out drinking.

Today I just tell my self... I am alcoholic. I cannot take the first drink. I can live sober and be happy. I am a winner. You can do it. Ive seen scads fail but you have what it takes. I have faith in you

1is2many