Sure it's possible. There are people with long term sobriety here who don't attend meetings.

Is it likely? No. These people with success were sick of being sick. They hit rock bottom.

I'm not trying to be negative. But your fears are legitimate. I'm sorry your son is putting you through the pain.

If he has a sponsor, that sponsor should be on top of him for not attending meetings.

Those drinking habits, and friends are hard to break from from 16-21. Those friendships are hardened in substance use/abuse.

Keep is informed.

To add to the problems he already has his girlfriend is 17 and has an addict/alcoholic for a Mom, so her whole life has been this cycle. I do not know them, but he has no positive things to say about them,but won't get out of the situation either. Makes me wonder if he still drinks with the Mom ? I had not thought of that. They were VERY involved in his rehab- more than he allowed me and his Dad.

Sounds like he lacks maturity to make the right decisions regarding his interpersonal relationships. Hopefully he will gain that from the book of life. If he is of age, unfortunately, there isn;t much you can do to stop him. He will just have to lo learn from his mistakes.

Can people stay sober without AA? Yes! but statistically, sobriety doesn't last long before they relapse again. This is something my counselor told me when I was in treatment because the hospital I went through had changed from an inpatient to outpatient program because there was little statistical difference between each.

My dad quit without AA but he had relapses throughout his life.
You can get some good support at alanon meetings, you can google meetings in your area.

God Bless!

Yes, a person can become sober without AA but it would take a lot of willpower and self-discipline to do so. From your post and follow-up, it sounds like you have doubts that your son is in a place to do this on his own, so the support of Alanon might a good resource for you as Bob suggests. You sound like a caring Mother and your son is so lucky to have you in his corner.

Wish you the best.

Hi,

I have been sober for years and do not attend meetings. I find them to be depressing and a waste of time. I'm not alone inn this -- there are lots of people who are sober who don't attend meetings. Statistically, AA is not much more effective than not using a program. The most effective support is one-on-one counseling.

You might want to ask him why he isn't attending meetings. It is possible he isn't attending meetings because he doesn't want to quit and is drinking or plans to drink. It is also possible that he doesn't see the need for them or doesn't find them valuable.

Good luck.I hope your son is sober and stays that way. I know first hand how difficult it is to have an alcoholic family member and not be able to do much to help. You have my sympathy.

-Exj

You will find all sorts of opinions here about the effectiveness of meetings - whether people have much experience of them or not.

I have long experience of them and they were very much needed in my early days of recovery but even more important was the 12 Step programme of recovery, which I went through one to one with my sponsor - for me that was 100% effective in removing the desire to drink. I wonder if your son has been seeing his sponsor, meetings or not.

Whatever he is doing, any anxiety or speculation on your part will not change the outcome, although it is perfectly understandable that you are concerned. I would also suggest Al-Anon to give you tools to get on with your own quality of life and learn the best way of dealing with this situation. My best wishes to you.