Like many of you all know, I use AA, to help me with my alcoholism.  There is a part in their program that says this, "we continue to take personal inventory and continue to set right any new mistakes as we go along.  We vigorously commenced this way of living as we cleaned up the past.  We have entered the world of the spirit.  Our next function is to grown in understanding and effectiveness."  

This is "suggested" at a point where it is called the tenth step, out of twelve steps, and in the prior nine steps, the program asks you to do a number of things claiming that the reason for having to do the nine things is inherent selfishness.  AA says being selfish above being not selfish is the root of problems for people who cannot stop drinking, but they also say before they say that, "we think."  

So with AA thinking selfishness is the problem, and me using AA and having some success with it, let me explain my day yesterday and I'll let you all judge if I was making mistakes and growing in understanding and effectiveness.

My day yesterday was basically work all day.  Work all day means 15 hours focused on doing what I got to do to pay bills.  I admit, I love to work.  I am successful in work, in where, I do what I have to do for my boss for them to give me the pay to pay the bills.  Before work however, I did have some errands I needed to run and some personal business I needed to work for as well, so I wouldn't have more bills or less time to do the things that pile up, while I'm busy working to pay the bills.  

Some call that work-a-holic-ism, but I say it is just the nature of the world to force it's inhabitants to work, and if you're not seeing that, you probably are in denial of that, and will eventually be the cause of people like me, having to work harder than you, because of you, but anyway, I digress, because this is not about you, this is about me, so the people in this group, can judge me?  Even I can admit that is all kind of strange, but anyway, I shall proceed.  

In a time crunch I needed to rest from the amount of hours I willfully decided to work the day prior, finish up some Christmas shopping, and return a rented item all in a time crunch, again, essentially before the work day.  Make a long story short, I threw the rest out the window because it was just impossible to do in the only 24 hours in a day module this world gives us, and the Christmas shopping actually went well, I did it at Wal-Mart and amazingly one of their worker's when I asked them gave me 100 percent accurate information when I asked for help.  I was in an out in less than 10 minutes probably and saw that Wal-Mart really can have their s*** together most of the time.  Then came the having to drop a rented purchase off at a place that one employee told me was the place to bring the item and the other employee told me when I did what the first employee told me to do, was the wrong place.  That information, and trying to cope with such a lack of time, really threw me into a rage, and within that rage, not only did I end up having to buy the rented product, but I also was cursing openly in public, in rage openly in public, and dropping F bombs left and right with little to no concern over who heard, or saw.  When I ask myself why, I have to say because I am a demanding dickhead possibly, who has an ego that thinks he owns businesses and thinks he is God?  LOL.  

I won't go any further.  However, the rest of the day I was not very understanding theorhetically in my mind, and I was not very effective attitude wise, even though throughout most of the work period, I was a good enough actor where people within the work period, didn't know possibly that I was boiling on the inside from the "corporate giant" acting like a little girl unable to get a job done.  Again, my own ego's opinion of them, and I think it is safe to preclude my ego, is wrong in this instance.  They are a good corporation that just couldn't be perfect for me in one area, and they are able to get plenty of jobs done.    

I must confess, the correspondence this company sent me on return policy was cut and dry, and I even bought another product to get that job done, and all I had to do was print a label and take it to another company to complete the process.  I will say though the delivery of the product was much easier, and it required me to only go to my mailbox essentially to recieve the package, so my mind was wondering if you are good company wouldn't you just have a process where returning it would also include me simply going to my mailbox and putting it there for you to pick up just like you dropped it off?

Equally the return process of having to print and then go to a third party, I did a trial run on, and the waiting period for that third party was not in my time crunch nor in my foreseen schedule either, and the vehicle that the company runs to drop packages off with I see at my mailbox all the time!  I'd say a person who rents something but then presumes that it is a simple process of picking the item up at a certain box, then returning it to that same box, is effective and understanding, but does it seem normal for a person to assume that if you rent something you then have to take it to another place to return it even though the courier is their dropping things off at the original spot daily, and has plenty of room in their vehicle to take the item that was rented? 

I just don't understand how me using common sense on this one turned out to be me then experiencing rage and a desire to no longer do business with a well known company, and as far as I'm concerned, if I polled people they would probably say the company was the cause of the rage, due to improper function, with untrained employees, but again, this is not about them, it's about me being more effective without rage.  I'll never understand someone who makes you do more work than you have to when you are the one providing them with the revenue to be known, so I will just have to write off the understanding portion of understanding the philosophy of people like this who clearly are in this company.   

My ego was also telling me though that since I have done this process before and printing a label prior was not necessary per both the two companies, I didn't have to, and could save time not doing so, and again, it was wrong, I guess, and it didn't have the power to foretell me that not only would it be wrong, but it's wrong information would also have me spending hard earned money on a product I have little to no use for that is overpriced anyway, in the first place, so again, my ego, is the reason why I was not understanding and effective, do you all agree?  

I must also confess the amount I paid, just to have all my anger go away, within dealing with them, because my feelings told me they can't be trusted because they are just too ignorant to trust because they are all just trained so poorly, is the amount my fear told me was absolutely critical to avoid.  So my fear, driven by an ego, also was the cause of me being ineffective and not understanding?  

Also, even if I was ineffective and not understanding, I still have to cut the check to pay for the book, and I still don't want to do business with them because after dealing with 5 employees that could not give me a simple answer on what to do and why, going forward, if I do choose to do business with them, aren't I choosing to just get angry again, at their imperfections?  

Do you think I am more ineffective if I am cutting people off or out of my life because they are so imperfect it makes me hopeless, and without them it gives me a little hope I can move forward, or do you think I am less effective if I am doing that?  

My physical level of discomfort and my mental well being drastically drop when people can't accomodate needs, particularly business or personal needs, but yesterday, on two occassions I was reminded of people who kind of suck compared to others who have proved they don't suck, that I was fighting and defending for when sucking, and now their suckedness, made me the victim of less money, and less peace, and now I see that others were accusing them of sucking for a reason, because they do, and I can't deny that anymore, because I have first hand experience now, so going forward not doing business with any of them, because whole heartedly now I have proof and a reality that tells of them sucking, is the right way to go.  I have 100 percent confidence in that being a fact, you just can't do business with people who suck and could care less about it.  If you suck and don't want to suck, then that's another story, but if you suck and you could care less that you suck or you suck out of spite, writing you off is the right way to go, do you all agree?

Who does business with others who suck at doing business?  Only a fool would do that, but if I keep seeing that everyone isn't perfect at doing business, there will be no one to do business with, because nobody is perfect, so I am really confused with this "be more effective and understanding" thing on this one.  

Not going into a fit of rage over 100 dollars I admit is effective and understanding, but also admitting the rage was because policy of the company was too loose and not serious enough, with one procedure being this way and then another being that way when their being only one way is what was needed, is just as effective and understanding.  Seeing that company as having too many growing pains to make this person's life easier and understanding that I have no problem with others companies well established and proven, also, leading me to cut the company off until it doesn't suck, like established companies here for years, some would say is the most effective and understanding philosophy possible.  

I think the fact that I run my mind like it was a company, and often forget that my life is not a business, and I need possibly rearrangment there, might also be effective and understandable.  

All I know though in conclussion is I am feeling and knowing that cutting people off that suck and just don't get it on the inside right now, is the right thing to do because it is making me well-er and free-er.  

The irony is I used to condemn the "cut them off" or "cancel them" method just months ago, but now, I completely understand why people are having to do that to certain entities and individuals, and it's just one of those little gems of sobriety where in the last 5 months if you would have told me that I would spiritually be experiencing that through no fault of my own through God's plan, I'd have said you are insane and need to be shot at.  LOL!  

Man, wow, that's all I've got to say.