You can do it, and here is a good place to start. Having emotions does not make a man less of a man. We all have emotions and we all need to learn how to have healthy emotions and how to deal with all of our emotions. Trying to ignore them or drown them with alcohol is not the right way as we all know. Good luck on everything and congrats for opening up here. :-)

It's a learning curve . Most of us guys didn't learn this growing us, so it takes time , but the program helps

Oddly enough I suffered from the opposite. I vomited all my problems and emotions as quickly as possible to anyone who'd listen. It was an effort to solve all my problems at once. So if we are at either extreme we have to learn to take human bites and realize problems and emotions will be with us and as donttread said it takes time to establish some type of middle ground and stability. And I screw things up royally at times but the wreckage and drama created is more manageable without the complications of drinking.

Hang in there bro you'll open up little by little and celebrate those small self empowering victories...

I know I am a woman and great with expressing my feelings but I wanted to say how proud I am of you guys for doing just that on here where you can get support.

I think you show incredible strength stepping forward and asking for help. Here is a great quote-

no man is an island

Human beings necessarily depend on one another, as in You can't manage this all by yourself; no man is an island . This expression is a quotation from John Donne's Devotions (1624): "No man is an Island, entire of it self; every man is a piece of the Continent, a part of the main."

Laura

Thanks for the advice people :) I like that quote Laura, i will read that back to myself when i feel like isolating. I can remember when i was in a detox unit a few years ago and when people went off to their rooms for too long the staff would come and get them and tell them to come down stairs and mix with the other, i used to think they were being arkward or on a power trip or something but now i realise how much isolation can keep me sick and in addiction, so looking back it makes sense why the staff did that now. I'm slowly coming out of the isolation, i know iv got to reach out for help, if i don't allow myself to be vulnerable i'll stay stuck where i am.

Pride and fear Jay...no one ever told me I was supposed to have all the answers, be an island of strength but I got that impression...from their actions more than anything else.

Asking for help is ok...being not ok is...ok :)

When I was a kid my favourite phrase was speak softly and carry a big stick. Practiced the thousand yard stare...full of fear but practised the string silent tough guy routine. I knew what I was inside but figured if I looked good on the outside that was good enough...until it wasn't.

Really if you saw me you'd see I'm not the tough guy type but that was what I tried to cultivate. Defense from who knows what...lots and lots of emotions supressed over the years so unsurprisingly I don't always know how to let them out in a safe manner :)

None of my business what other people think of me, my friend always drummed that in to me...and bit by bit I let the real me out.

What I always found was there was nothing to fear in being me...far from it :)

P

Hey Jay,
Letting it out and talking to people about it is absolutely OK. In fact it's the mature thing to do to realize that you need some help sorting all of that stuff out. Isolating is indeed a bad place to be. That being said, there is NOTHING wrong with having pride and a sense of ego (self-confidence). Obviously it sounds like that is lacking right now but don't sacrifice who you are either. They're both important....The ability to reach out and admit vulnerability and conversely developing the fortitude to take on life. It's a balance my friend, best of luck to you!

I am the opposite. i have a lot of yin. In Vietnam they liked me. They said that European business men were without emotions like stones.
Suppressing emotions can lead to a pouring out in a very dysfunctional way causing numerous problems.

"I'm slowly coming out of the isolation" There ya go!!!

Hi Jay, pride is our worst enemy. Our ego. Having to admit we're even hurting inside, having to admit we're less than what our and society's expectations say we are supposed to be. Just realizing that is a huge step in your progress to recovery.

I believe in you. And I believe you can make it. Even if saying what you really feel on DS is the only thing you can do right now, that is a major step. I really do understand what you're going through.

Pride is just a word that comes across as those who are self absorbed, solid, strong, unemotional that men have been taught but in reality I find the men that can express themselves and do not fear the stigma that they are weak if they feel compassion, and admit that they have feelings and real emotions and feel pain and heart felt empathy for others-they are the real men who show that they are only human and they feel pain and emotions just like women and children do and there is nothing wrong with that in fact it is healthy to talk things out no matter what the issues are and no matter if your a man or a woman, maybe u just need to find that person u feel comfortable with in expressing yourself and then from there it might get easier for you to open up to others...ok I'm a woman and just making suggestions....

Being a woman, I can't possibly know how you feel. I just wanted to stop in and say "Right on!" to all the men that stepped up to support you. You make me proud to be in recovery with you all.

I'm sorry you are feeling shut down. One of the things I'm trying as the mom of two little boys (and a girl) to do is to let them cry. To actually encourage them all to tell me, their dad, each other, how they feel. I've definitely seen that our society discourages boys from crying....the whole "boys don't cry" and "dont be a baby" that the boys get, don't seem to apply the same way to my girl.
The reality is that real human beings have emotions. Not just women, not just men.
Real boys, who become really good men and husbands, fathers, etc. have to be able to show their emotions.
Anyway, try AA, Get a sponsor, talk to him.

Some great advice and support there. Thankyou

That can be a problem as well Zach. You don't want to trust just anybody with your inner thoughts and feelings