Alcoholism Support Group
Alcoholism is the continued consumption of alcoholic beverages, even when it is negatively affecting your health, work, relationships and life. If you think alcohol is causing you to lose control, it's time to seek help. Our group is a safe place to vent, check in, get back up if you fall, and reach sobriety.
Hi everyone! I am new to this, but I need to reach out to someone that doesn't know me and isn't family so I cannot feel so ashamed about everything. My husband is an alcholic and is addicted to pain meds and at times does cocaine. We have 3 small kids ages 6, 6 and an almost 5 year old and I am sick, frustrated, lost, hurt, ashamed you name it I feel it. We will be married for 11 years next month and since I've known him he has always drank, but not like he has in the last year. When he did drink before he did binge drink and to the point of blacking out. It's when we started having kids that it truly started effecting me. I believe that he would never hurt the kids nor I and I hope that I am correct, because he's never laid a hand on any of us, but I am scared for my children to be dealt seeing and dealing with this at such a young age, and I beleive the anger I feel and sadness and hatred is rubbing off on my kids and they act out at times.
So it got worse last year around this time when he was drinking allot more then normal (more then the weekends) and he was drinking heavily. He'd come home and be so wasted he'd pass out walking up the stairs and he peed on the stairs at one point and then another time he was just yelling and creating a bunch of commotion late at night when my kids had school the next day and I work. I would get all the kids in one of the kids rooms and we'd lock the door and sleep together in there because they would wake up scared. We would go to family functions for the holiday and he would either arrive drunk already or would get drunk and this just continued (this holiday thing has always happened).
In January this year he hit bottom (from what I thought bottom was) and he drank for a week straight 24/7 non stop, and sadly this all started on my birthday. It got to the point that I had to call him into work because he was to drunk too. I would sit at work just crying I'd be so sick to my stomach that something happened when he wouldn't answer my calls. One point he must have drove to get more alcohol and ended up in a fender bender (which he still doesn't remember, but our insurance didn't forget) and I guess another time when he was walking in the house he passed out in the front yard and someone called 911. He was in the ER for a bit and they let him go and he was right back at it. A couple of his friends ended up taking him again to the ER 2 days later and we where hoping that they'd keep him to recover, but they let him go a couple hours later and again back at it. Then finally his friend took him to a hospital to go into recovery and he was there for 2 days. This was the worst week of my entire life, I thought I was going to lose everything, but I had to remain strong for my babies. So anyways after that he didn't drink for 6 weeks and things seemed to be good, except that my daughter is still terrified of him. So he picked up the bottle again and went on a 2 day binge, but ended it after 2 days and went again a couple weeks with no alochol. Its been off an one since then. Then we come to this past Thursday he belongs in a dart league and ended up coming home drunk, then Friday night he drank and never came to bed and drank all day Saturday and then that night, then Sunday I thought he was doing good, but he left saying he had to go drop his friends phone off and would be right back, but when he came back he was stumbling and drunk.
Saturday night when I found out he was out drinking again and I had to wake my kids up at 1:45 am to go pick him up I packed a overnight bag for the kids and I and we where going to head out to my mom's, but my 4 year old was screaming and crying when daddy got out of the car and found out we were going to leave. so I didn't go and the twins and I ended up sleeping on the couch that night. I'm so tired of waiting wee hours in the morning wondering if I'm going to get that call from the cops or if the knock will come on my door, sick of worrying how wasted is he going to be when he gets home, did he spend all our money again, did he lose our bank card yet again? I'm sick of feeling so sick to my stomach and worried if he goes anywhere he'll be out drinking and then we'll have another night of no sleep and worrying and crying. I'm sick of making excuses or him to family and friends, I'm tired of keeping it all bundled inside and feeling ashamed for his choices. This has effected my family horrible and I cannot tell you the last time I have felt truly happy and not faking it. I am so disgusted with him and truly don't even want to look at him anymore and I hate that I feel this way. I want my kids to be happy again. I've thought about leaving him a million times, but then I think how am I going to survive and what will I do, how will I pay for this and that. I do work full-time now, but I don't make as much as he does and he makes sure that I remember that. He always tells me he'd love to see me survive without him and he's probably right. If I leave how bad will this effect my kids and what will happen? I'm done with him begrading me.
I'm stuck and not sure where to go. My husband has admitted he needs help but he cannot go into a rehab because of work, I told him there has to be something else like meetings or something he can do. I told him I am going to get the kids and I in to see and talk to someone but then he mentioned if I do this the someone will call CPS and then all hell will break lose and I do not want that at all, I just want to talk to someone and get advice.
I'm so sorry this was so long, but it feels better just to be able to finally get that all out. Thanks,
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check out that smoke ring. It tasted really good. I smothered it with Maulls BBQ sauce which is Local to St. Louis and one of the best I ever had.....
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I was recently separated from my wife of 33 years and it's complicated. Anyway I rented a room about 15 minutes away and I see my kids about once a week. I see the people who own the house I live in once in a while but other than that I stay in my room where I do my cooking, wash dishes in the shower, read, color, and sleep. I get out at least once a day. I grocery shop and I attend 2 meetings...
I've been in your husbands position and sadly it will not stop until he gets the help and support that is available. The groups and support is nothing like you'd imagine or see on television and after 6 months I'm a volunteer at 2 of them. There is one to one support there is medication he can take to curb cravings and there is Antabuse that I'm on that would potentially prove fatal if you touch a drop. If he's a decent guy he will be going through hell himself knowing what he's putting his family through but he won't be able to stop by himself he does
need to seek professional help. I lost my wife, kids, house, car , job, family that won't talk to me anymore. I wish I'd have got help sooner and I was doing exactly the same as your husband but when your world crashes you can't take any of the behaviour or hurt back. If he's drinking heavily on a daily basis it's very very dangerous to just stop so the Dr would a sensible option. Hope everything works out for you but I urge him to get help now
All the best
He has to want to quit drinking. AA is free, and has AM, lunch and evening meetings. If you have a sitter, see if he will go, but he has to really want to quit drinking.
You are not alone. Can those friends that tried to get him into rehab talk with him.
It sounds like he needs a rehab and he can't get fired for getting substance abuse help.
I'm so sorry for your situation
You’re right – this is serious. You said that he knows that what he is doing is having a negative effect on the family. Do you think he has tipped you, as per the answer to helping him through this? Can you show him, through all of the chaos, what he has to fight for? I would certainly get yourselves into counseling as soon as possible. Can you suggest to him that you’re afraid about the fate of the family if he doesn’t get into rehab? I know you say that he can’t afford to enter rehab because of work, but, can he afford not to? Can your marriage afford that he doesn’t? Sounds to me like what is needed is an all-out blitz for counseling and rehab, and that the key may be convincing him that if he really cares as much about you and the kids as he alludes, he must, and hopefully will agree to those appointments. I know you need to protect yourself and your children. I would just respectfully remind you of that vow of love, “…in sickness and in health.” Alcoholism is a treatable sickness, yes? Be stronger than perhaps you’ve ever been and help him see how much his family means to him, and he’ll want to get well. Trust in God, and fight for your family. I’ll be praying for you all. Here’s a great treatment center in South Florida: https://www.thetreatmentcenter.com/
My heart goes out to you as that is a terrible situation to be in. For your own sake and especially for the sake of the little ones, let this be the start of a new chapter. I can understand how you must feel but please do not be ashamed as none of this is your fault. An active alcoholic often has the same level of maturity as a child so therefore you are probably the only adult in the family and you will need to take the extra responsibility.
There are several things that I would suggest considering. The first is to look after your own health and wellbeing as you too are a victim of alcoholism. Struggling on your own and not knowing what to do is not a good idea so please find help. Find some Al-Anon meetings in your area and you will meet people there who have dealt with the same problem. The Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous) has a whole chapter called “To Wives” and I would strongly urge you to read it. Get a copy of the book and when you finish reading it, hand it to your husband. You can learn how to live with an alcoholic if that is what you choose to do but to separate yourself from his alcoholism.
The second thing that I would suggest is preparing yourself in case things get worse. Are there family members or friends who could help you out? Talk to your local citizen’s advice office or a women’s group about the legal issues and find out what entitlements you may have.
Thirdly, talk to your husband again about recovery. If he keeps drinking he won’t have to worry about work because he won’t have any so he had better put sobriety before everything else. Also, although a lot of alcoholics go into rehab, it is not always a necessary step on the journey to recovery. If your husband honestly wants to stop drinking he can do it through AA and all it takes is willingness to change.
If you are in the UK, here are the Al-Anon contact details:
Al-Anon Family Groups UK & Eire
57B Great Suffolk Street, London SE1 0BB
Confidential Helpline 020 7403 0888
(Helpline available 10 am - 10 pm, 365 days a year)
I can't tell you what to do, that's up to you but I strongly suggest that you get your kids out of that environment asap! From what you say, they are already feeling the effects of his drinking.
You can easily see what the booze is doing to him, but look at what his drinking is doing to YOU! You need alot of support and Alanon is a great place to find that support. You can google meetings in your area. In the meantime, I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and Prayers!
God Bless!
I got sober 5.5 years ago.
All families that I know of go through ups and downs BUT -- this sounds serious. If it were me, or I was talking to a good friend I'd get out or advise them to get out. Go stay with a parent, a friend or whatever you need to do. Or tell him to GET OUT if he will go and stay away.
He needs to get help but you know you can't force him, and its not your fault that he's drinking and acting like a shit. Its the disease. He may sober up and be a great dad and husband but till then bring out your inner mother bear and protect those littles and yourself. Keep away from him.
Good luck and hugs.