This ^^ is only one of the many reasons fellowship with other sober individuals is so important.

I no longer do AA (I have been sober 15 years - I have recovered from my alcoholism), but when I was an active member, I went on several "clean and sober" camping trips, attended retreats and other fellowship events, dances and dinners, especially in the early years.

If you don't go to AA, there are other ways to find sober friends. A women's meet-up group for camping, hiking and other outdoor activities. Perhaps a book club or sewing circle. A bible study or other spiritual endeavor. Volunteer at a local organization.

If you do not feel comfortable attending events (family or otherwise) where there is drinking, don't attend them. Especially in early sobriety.

If you continue to find yourself pulled into your husband's alcoholism, perhaps Ala-non or counseling will help you learn to "detach with love". Your husband's drinking is "his thing". Your drinking or sobriety is "your thing". Take care of "your thing" and don't worry about "his thing". Your husband may eventually address "his thing" when the consequences of continuing to drink become more painful than the fear of working toward continued sobriety. (I think you are feeling some of the "pain" associated with a committed sobriety - the loneliness. But this loneliness need not be permanent. Most of my new friends and associates have never seen me drunk or even with an alcoholic beverage in my hand. Although they are not tea-totalers, our activities are not centered around alcohol - they never were.) There is an adage in AA - one must find "new playmates, new playthings, new playpens". That is where you are now.

For what it's worth, you may not be able to influence your husband's drinking habits, but perhaps your sobriety could be an example to the next generation, particularly your daughter. Alcoholism is a family disease. You can make the first chink in the chain of alcohol abuse by maintaining quality long-term sobriety.

Best wishes to you and God Bless.

I can't say it any better then the person above me just said but yes, you can learn how to be happy despite your husbands drinking by going to alanon meetings.....and/or ....AA meetings!

https://al-anon.org/

Oh boy, new “playmates” and new “playpen”....does that ever simplify things for me..it certainly gives me direction, and alleviates the stress of “how” to keep functioning with my “old playmates”. The “old playmates” are very wide reaching...inter-generational, and on in-Law side too....the amount of wine served at dinners is very stressful. I have a lot of changes to make.

Ive started with a spiritual group, we have our first dinner meeting this week, and I can’t wait to connect!
This will be an adjustment for my husband as he becomes less my focus....I guess that is where Al-anon comes in.

Thank you both, I will be reading this regularly, and may have another question or two.

God bless!

It is never to stay sober when your significant other is still drinking. But it can be done and I am proof of that. My husband still drinks, although not obsessively. But I am around alcohol all the time. It all comes down to how badly do you want to stay sober. For me, AA was the key to staying sober as well as Al-Anon. I had a sponsor in both organizations and without them to talk to and lean on when I needed someone, I don't know that I would have made it. It also helped tremendously with the loneliness. I knew there was someone there 24 hours a day if I needed to talk or just needed someplace to go. My church was also another way to curtail the loneliness. Because of my determination to do anything to stay sober, I have recently celebrated 30 years of sobriety. So keep hanging in there. You can make it with determination and willingness to do whatever it takes. But remember, you are the only one who can make the decision to stay sober. Sobriety now is just a way of life for me--the only way of life. I never want to go back,

I love the recommitment to your sobriety. When I grew up and took responsibility for my life and own happiness everything changed. I was lonely for quite a while until I strengthened my spiritual health. Now I love my solitude when it happens.
Is ‘ Fear’ by Thich Nhat Hahn? That’s the one that changed my life. Shift in perception.
My marriage is real now but I feel for you with your husbands ‘absence ‘. When I was drinking my wife was very lonely and I didn’t even see it till I created a sober life.

Yes, finallyawakenow, I saw the book in one of your posts and went that day to get it. (Thank you!) I just got back from a business trip and whenever I felt like the world is just too fast, I got it out and read a few pages....even on the plane at 35,000 feet!

I don’t feel the need to bring myself down (through alcohol) because I worked hard on staying grounded in the present. I’m only half way through but I can see I’m going to read it a few times.

It is also helping me to accept the passing of my Dad, and my Mom’s eminent passing, rather than numbing the pain.

It also really helps to know that you didn’t see your wife’s loneliness. I had pretty much convinced myself that my husband drank so much because he preferred it to spending time with me. I guess really, it has nothing at all to do with me.

Thank you everyone for all your support. It makes such a difference.

I’m so glad you are reading Fear!!! Although he is a Buddhist monk, he has a way of expression that includes the human race. There’s no religious slant so everyone can benefit. The Dali Lama said; ‘my religion is kindness’.
Since we stopped watching tv, we read about spiritual and mental health (same thing). ‘Fear’ started it for me and has a special place in my heart. I read it 3 times up to page 152 for it took me time to get to the place where I could start the metta (loving kindness) on myself. I didn’t think I deserved it. Now I see that any compassion I can generate starts inside. And that’s the problem I had with being there for my wife. How could I give her love when I couldn’t love myself? It was just going through the motions because I was so distant from reality. It’s a rut that seems inescapable through habit. I thought ,when I was in it, that I was ‘handling ‘life. My perception of living was just that messed up.
You know Thich is very old (96 I think) and he knows what that means of course. He reminded all his ‘people’ that if they build a stupa for him when he leaves his body that he won’t be there. Full acceptance must be so good!!! Let’s keep practicing to find that peace also.
My wife and I are going to India for a month this fall to meditate and practice yoga and metta. If not me, who? (will create solidity) If not now, when? Take care of yourself:)

Fear was also a life changer for me. In the beginning as you said, it helped me settle myself/stay grounded. it led me to reach beyond my fears to new and positive places that I would have never imagined. Best wishes to you on your journey.