Joey2218,

My experience has been that where negative incidents happen I could look at them in a different way and turn those negatives into something positive. There are a number of points in your post that stand out and that may be worth looking at from a different angle.

First and foremost, in my experience at least, I have always taken a lot more from meetings when I went there not expecting to get anything back. If I could contribute in some way, no matter how insignificant my contribution may be, I usually left with a good feeling.

I have also learned that when I feel anger towards another person I need to look at myself rather than where my anger is directed. Sometimes when another person is obviously doing the wrong thing we can feel what some call justifiable anger but for someone in my position, such anger leads to resentment which may well result in drinking. Therefore, try to be aware of resentment as it kills more alcoholics than anything else.

You are right to be concerned about new people and by helping them you will help yourself. However, you cannot fix such people or turn their lives around to how you would like them to be that is the work of a higher power. What you can do is to give them the best possible example of how AA is working for you. Remember that in AA as in the wider world you will meet many people who are spiritually sick. Many of those people are not going to change their ways so if you are going to live your life in peace and serenity it is your reaction to such people that needs to change. A good way of bringing about that change is by going through the Twelve Steps with the help of a sponsor.

The lady you have described is obviously a troubled soul. Maybe she was at the meeting to please someone else and didnt want to be there; maybe she was under the influence of some substance or it could be that she just doesnt know any better. However, no matter what she has done, can you or I be her judge?

There is a method of dealing with such situations in AA and this is where you can take something positive from a negative situation. Each meeting that you attend will probably have a Group Conscience meeting, usually once per month where all matters concerning the Group may be discussed. You are entitled and indeed encouraged to become a member of a group and in that way you can contribute a lot more and in different ways. If you are unsure about which group to join you can often sit in as an observer at Group Conscience meetings. As an observer you will not be entitled to vote on Group business but you can still state your opinion. You can also approach a member of the Group that runs the meeting where this incident occurred and discuss the matter with him or her.

You may also find it interesting to learn more about the Twelve Traditions of Alcoholics Anonymous as these are a set of guidelines about how AA business should be conducted at meetings, groups and further up the line.

Therefore, what you have experienced with this lady is not something negative at all but rather it is an opportunity for you to move further ahead on your own journey to sobriety.

That can be really frustrating, when people behave that way. It's disrespectful and I think it's so kind of you to be concerned about how it affected other and newer members. Sounds like PJ had some good advice :) Also, I would bet this girl won't be at too many more meetings. Although sounds like she could maybe use them.

We periodically get those at our meeting. They are usually there to satisfy a court mandated meeting and will then get a form signed. They act like they don't belong there. That is a good time for me to work on my tolerance.

Hi Joey!
Congratulations on 34 days!
Beautiful!

Talk to the chair of the meeting..the one who runs it and makes announcements. Have her make an announcement that it has been brought to her attention that some behaviors are becoming disruptive or distracting to other members.. She or he can say..so please while we are engaged in listening to members speak...and you need to have a conversation please step outside to avoid distracting other people in the meeting.

Also you can suggest after she makes this announcement that if she/he notices anyone not following the suggestion she can gently stop whoever is speaking (when the interruptions occur) and ask the two ladies if the can take their conversation outside...for that matter...if she makes that announcement for you....and they start....YOU can actually GENTLY interrupted the speaker and ask the 2 ladies nicely "Hey, can you guys take your conversation outside?" I'm having a hard time concentrating...

You have more ability to control your impulsiveness than me...because if this was bothering me...I would have already burst out....interrupted any speaker and I would have said something like "Hey, you guys are really distracting me...can you take it outside or something". I know I would have and I'm sure I have done something similar in my 6 years at AA.

I had exactly the same experience Joey...the first meeting I ever attended and did service so it was very close to my heart. It was an open meeting so lots of people would come and go for their own reasons.

These two guys who went through rehab together started attending and were quite arrogant (seemed to me) when they spoke but worse, like you said, joking amongst themselves and sniggering when other people shared. I know at least one person who went out and drank as a result...some of us are self conscious enough without that kind of public shaming...I had never seen it before in a meeting and I haven't since.

Now I think it was handled poorly by the group...if the group had been stronger it would have been noticed and addressed properly by the chair and other group committee members but sometimes that is life.

Most important, I didn't get drunk over it - although it was hard - and I didn't let it drive me away from what I knew was on offer in the wider fellowship.

Been talking with a friend lately and often in life when you meet difficult people, if you dig in they just go away sooner or more dramatically, have a heart attack...seriously the stress of being an asshole catches up sooner or later.

A few years later one of these guys died from liver failure, though he was sober. I went to his funeral to say farewell in my own way. The other guy is still around but a bot of a lone wolf these days. I still see him but thats ok, I don't lose sleep over him anymore. What he does is his business. Both of them stop coming to that meeting when they got bored.

Don't let them get you my friend - theyre sick people, trust your gut

P

So I've been to a ton of meetings in the past 4 years and I've never really been that effected by someone elses behavior. I've been to a meeting where someone had a temper tantrum, where a share went on for literally 10 ms (max is supposed to be 3) and many where there were others talking in the background. That's life. when we have groups of people together they behave, well, like people. Some well, some in a way that makes others uncomfortable.
I've found the best thing to do is focus on the solution in the room, the positive shares, the readings, and myself. Then I enjoy the meeting. when I focus on what's bugging me, I have a much less positive result.

Unfortunely, it's not a perfect world that we live in. I discovered a long time ago that I couldn't control others, I could only control myself and how I react to what others say or do. I leave the rest to my Higher Power.

God Bless!

I know how I felt with one or two old timers who bad mouthed Bill W and would talk and talk and talk rubish !!! I had anger and now i am ten year sober who cares what others do as i concentrate on my internal world. Enjoy early sobriety as you may look back and see this was life starting. X

People deal with anxiety in different ways, I too found that i was so terrified that I would find the weirdest things (like death and bad things shared ) funny.

AA is a place to practice and grow. You will run into things outside the rooms 10x worse. Just practice letting the

WATER FALL OFF YOUR BACK LIKE A DUCK.

Move on and recover.

1is2many

In the beginning or anytime really the secret to finding your own truth is in not comparing your insides to others insides! I had a lot of hard knocks until I understood that, why I am as a am? I had to find out for myself . Im glad you reached out and did not just keep it all inside. I was notorious for that.

I have a habit of roaring laughing at inappropriate times ( while someone is sharing) It never as much what they say as how I see it and feel what they say. Ive apologized many times for those outbursts Not out of anything but respect.

Being spontaneous and drawing attention to myself was not a rule of thumb to me before I got sober. My middle name was sensitive Billy.

I got sober real young with a lot of ot hers in their 20's and 30's we were a bit talkative in meetings in fact the 2 couches in the club were I sat were called the half measures seats!

But Whos2 say many of us are still sober decades later. Maybe its time to start looking for someone with a little time to be able to bounce things off of, 1 on 1's are very rewarding :)
Billy

Second that...as uncomfortable as it was, reaching out to more stable people gave me a chance to unload all the little things that disturbed or confused me that otherwise I used to keep to myself and think over....it was important for me to find folks who didn't judge or shame me for the way I felt but identified, helped me work it out and eventually helped me to laugh it off or at least go.

P