james, that feeling those pills are giving you is a LIE! You have been fooled into thinking they give you energy, when if fact they are sapping all of the Life out of you. I wittled down to skin and bones in 9 months while addicted to painkillers. I had to take them, in my mind they were keeping me going! Oh james, the only thing to do is go cold turkey, you will feel like hell for a bit but you have no other choice if you want to live. Please james, I can tell you are headed to a bad place right now. Get up the courage to flush them down the toilet-tell doc not to prescribe any more. Tapering does not work with 99% of addicts. Cold turkey+hell on earth=freedom.

YOur landlord is the kind of person who likes to kick a dog when it's down, there are lots of people out there like that. Get sober and get some confidence to stand up to this creep.

Value yourself and others will also or at least those people who don't will drop away from your life.

IT IS AN INSIDE JOB

The outside is a valid indicator as to the way we view ourselves...When we change on the inside then our perceptions of the outside will also change.

We beat ourselves up and say stuff like, "look where I came from... look at my past." We want to wallow in the negative and as long as we do this there will be no escape from it. We will continue to surround ourselves with people and situations who confirm our own thoughts about ourselves.

I don't know where you are in your recovery but for me I had to really take a honest inventory...turn over those defects of character to a power greater than myself...do everything I could to make amends to those I had harmed including myself and continue to look myself, my thoughts and actions objectively.

Then take that and try to help another and in the process, continue to grow myself.

James...I do understand where you are coming from, I too have struggled to find me, value me for who I am and not what another thinks I am or wants me to be.

Don't give up my friend...Don't give in...just Let it Go.

Big Hugs and Loves
Ree

Hey twin-brother, you gotta do it. You might know that,, I fell off the roof backwards onto a 2' boulder, busted me up good. Got hooked up with a quack doctor. I was on insane doses of norco's and oxy's. That mind fuck addiction was worse than any "mental" addiction ever.
Me and the boys called them "superman" pills, until I started fallen asleep at the dinner table.
Getting off of em' ain't to bad, you just have to understand that that addiction is fierce, and you are powerless over it to.
I now label them as the "weird-o" pills, because that's what they made me. My life progressed to the point of the walking dead.
Dust in the wind brother, dust in the wind.

well it is your choice to make the decision not to take them, and accept the "hell on earth" feeling....it does pass........doesn't feel too good, yet it does go away, it is your addictive mind that is gonna tell you that you need them to function.......it is a lie like karmickiss said.....time to just be sick with it for a bit.........and get your ass back in gear to work on your recovery..........don't give in.........or up..........listen to God, just don't talk to him

James, I hate to hear about how tough of a time you're going through. But, I've gotta quote Churchill when he said, "When you're going through hell, keeping going."

You have been one of the most inspiration people I've me on ds, and I've missed you're input on topics. You have a lot of good to give.

We're with you and trust that you can shake off enough stuff to draw your recovered self out of this mess you're in. Maybe you need the pills--maybe you don't. But I'm betting that you'd agree with me in saying that you'll be much better served by talking w/ someone (sponsor, therapist, etc.) in person, than only hitting keys in this struggle.

Chris

james, your situation makes me pissed. you are such a good person! you have faith and you need to remember not to empower fear. do things for your landlord and go out and get something else too. you might as well try. but promise me you will not be fearful. get up and get cracking. i know i am not saying anything about the pills because you need to get busy.

Hey James, my friend...I do not know your entire situation about your surgery...or disability. So if you need meds to control your pain...well then there are other alternatives. And since we are not in a meeting(LOL) I will share with you some medical advice. Pain can be manifested by our mental situation. Just like there are many paths to recovery; there are many ways to control pain. You have the entire community of alternatives at your finger tips. (Google) I work with people in pain everyday at my job. Relaxation, yoga, meditation, massage therapy, physical therapy, exercise(helps with depression as well) gets those endorphines flowing in your brain. And of course there is always a meeting going on somewhere. I noticed you used to attend AA...do you still go to meetings. If not get your ass to one, get a phone list, call someone, get a hug...man..if I was there I would give you a hug. You sound like you need one.

I can not share about being on pain meds, because I have never been addicted to them. But a drug, is a drug, is a drug! It will seek to destroy you. My disease does not want me dead. It wants me to be alive and
miserable,... hungry, angry, lonely and tired...sounds like you are suffering from all of these symptoms. This tells me that the disease of addiction is trying to kick your ass. And everyone here that has shared loves you and wants you to live happy, joyous and free from active addiction. We want to hear the smile in your words.

You are worthy. Do not surround yourself with miserable people. We can do this together...I would suggest that you not do this alone. Continue to reach out to us and hopefully to others in recovery who are postive.

I love you and will be praying for you!
{{{BIG ASS HUGS}}}