Alcoholism is a disease of the body ,mind and spirit. It's like a three headed dragon. Until we confront all three we are doomed to be consumed by the others, Drinking is but a symptom of our disease. Obstaining or just not picking up the first drink is the easy part. Why we pick up the first drink is the puzzling part. Are we chasing that illusive first drink high?. Or are we convinced that that alcohol is is an ingrediant of fun? Either way we convince ourselves that we're willing to pay the price as long as the price isn't to steep. We'll deal with a hangover but we draw the line at a DUI or after we hurt someone. Why do we have to wait that long ? It's quite simple . We have a disease called alcoholism. A disease of the body, mind and spirit

Hello bethmach,

You have made a good start by going to meetings but if you want to recover from alcoholism it is likely that you will need to take some further action.

If you are an alcoholic it is very unlikely that you will beat it by your own willpower. Fortunately, AA offers you a solution that will work if you want it to work. What is required is a change in your way of thinking and you can bring about that change by doing the 12 Steps with a sponsor. Not only will the urge to drink leave you but the programme will allow you to improve your life at many levels.

What you are doing now is going to meetings and admitting that you have a problem but you are not ACCEPTING it. Once you accept that you cannot drink safely you can start working on the solution. Alcoholics suffer from a form of insanity where alcohol is concerned. This mental blind spot tells us that despite doing something stupid or embarrassing every time we drink, that this time it will be different. The mental obsession is so strong that all of the guilt and shame is pushed aside and a good excuse is found for drinking again. This pattern is repeated over and over again until we take action to bring about the necessary change.

The 12 Step programme restores sanity; in other words the obsession for alcohol is removed. However, this does not happen just by going to meetings alone. That is why it would be wise for you to look for a sponsor and to start working on those Steps that you will see hanging on the walls of every AA meeting.

If you have a copy of the Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous) read the Step 9 Promises, starting at the bottom of page 83: If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed and ending with: We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves on page 84. Also, starting at the bottom of page 84, the Step 10 Promises tells us how the attitude to alcohol will change after doing the Tenth Step:

PROMISES OF STEP TEN

Big Book page #84 & 85

And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone -even alcohol.
For by this time sanity will have returned.
We will seldom be interested in liquor.
If tempted, we recoil from it as from a hot flame.
We react sanely and normally, and we will find that this has happened automatically.
We will see that our new attitude toward liquor has been given us without any thought or effort on our part. It just comes! That is the miracle of it.
We are not fighting it, neither are we avoiding temptation.
* We feel as though we had been placed in a position of neutrality - safe and protected.
We have not even sworn off. Instead, the problem has been removed. It does not exist for us.
We are neither cocky nor are we afraid.

That is our experience. That is how we react so long as we keep in fit spiritual condition.

It is completely natural for you not to feel the joy of being sober at the moment. What you are doing is removing the alcohol without tackling the causes of your drinking. Not so long ago, if anyone had suggested to me that I could be happy without alcohol, I would have said that they were crazy. Today, I have a life that I could not dare to even daydream about a few years ago. Of course, no matter how many books that I would read or how much self-knowledge that I gained, I could not in a million years do it without the help of a good sponsor.

You ask: How do you overcome this?
Well, the answer is simple. You accept that you have a problem that you cant conquer on your own. Then you ask someone who has done it before if they will be your sponsor. Finally, you get to work on those Steps.

There are some excellent replies hear that point you towards the 12 steps. The question is are you willing to do the work that the process takes??
How can you expect joy and freedom in your life while you are still drinking?

It reminds me of a story I once heard. A little kid is masturbating - his mother came in and caught him. She was horrified and yelled 'If you do that you will go BLIND - the kid thinks for a minute and then asks: Can I do it 'til I need glasses??

The trouble is that with alcoholism, we cannot stop - we continue to drink even though we really want to - the 12 steps make it possible to live without fear and with joy and freedom. Work them and come back to let us know how things are with you. In the meantime please read PJ54's post it is excellent!

Thank you everyone for your kind replies, they were encouraging and enlightening. Just to answer a few of your questions: m8bear, i first went to AA because my drinking had progressed from social drinking to almost daily drinking over the past 2 years. It started when I was trying to curb a spike in my OCD, generalized anxiety and depression. I have since stabilized these, but have continued to drink as it has become routine for me now. I realize it takes away from my quality of life. Karmickuru, I have never considered detox. I meet criteria for abuse, not dependence when it comes to the med professionals. I have never gone through withdrawals (had 17 days sober in March). Only the low-grade hangover. Nickyj180, I know that if I continue with AA, I need a sponsor and to do the steps. I attended meetings in March but did not take this next step which has probably brought me to this place I am in now. Inonuthing, I drink because it relaxes me and distracts me from clinical symptoms (OCD, anxiety, depression). Until the day after, then I am in the same boat again! Oh and Pat 555, you didn't ask me a question but your comments struck me. Just so you know I have never experienced a blackout. I remember all the dumb things done and said when I am drunk. I also never thought of the drink as royalty, but if I did it would be the Queen of alcohol, not King.

I managed to find joy just in the fact that I WASN'T drinking!! Imagine, ME ~ a 20 year HEAVY drinker, sober!! Who would have thought?? Plus my self-esteem went sky high when I got sober ~ I had never thought very much of myself ~~ but when I managed to stay sober for a few days/weeks, I was walking tall !! I took better care of myself, bought some new clothes, wore makeup ~ wow!! People remarked at how much better I looked ~ afterall, they were used to seeing me look like death warmed over.

then working on the Steps in AA certainly helped. It cleansed me of alot of garbage I'd been hanging onto. Some of it was painful to delve into ~ but it had to be done. Once I rid myself of it all, that certainly made me joyful. But one of the BIGGEST things that brought me joy was making amends to the people I had hurt. Just knowing that I had taken responsibility and apologized ~ that put a spring in my step like you wouldn't believe!!

So there is plenty of joy in sobriety ~ you just have to do a little work. And it's not all that bad. I wish you the very best. God bless and lots of prayers for healing. Hugs, Lee