It's a two way street...hang around after the meeting more, smile, open up. When I sat around and isolated, folks wouldn't open up to me. I was sitting there screaming for someone to talk to me...sometimes you gotta reach out

when I came in the doors 18 years ago I felt the same way. It took me some time to realize that I hadn't been the most approachable person walking in the door. It's not the sponsors job to initiate contact. She is probably waiting to see just how hard you want what she has to offer. Show her and she will introduce you around. You may be right about the "cliques" . What they really are are friends. People who have had time to develop relationship and took the time to initiate them. People come and people go in AA I know it's painful at times to see a chair filled one day and empty the next. . Go... make friends. Tell people you like what they said. Hand them a cup of coffee. Look them in the eye and say Hi my name is ______ I am an alcoholic. Keep your chair filled.

I was like that two at first, my sponsor told me to go to the door and shake hands and welcome people, or make some coffee,just little stuff like that starts to get you out of your shell. Early sobriety we all have low opinions and perceptions of ourself, that are false, step out in faith!

I understand that my thinking is jacked. Many things that I spend thinking about are fodder. We spend alot of time in our own heads. At some point you have to get out of it.

You have to work your sponsor. If they wont work get another one.

I never had to have permission to go to the liqour store -- I just went. Liquor never poured itself down my throat; I did it. I heard a story about a crack addict who drove 1 hour across town in a blizzard to get one hit of crack. When she finally got to the dope house, the dope house sat on a hill. The driveway was covered with ice. She said, she crawled up the yard to get to the front door for a 20 dollar rock. When she got to the front door and knocked, the dope dealer answered the door. He asked, what do you want in this weather. She replied, you know what the Hell I want!! She went on to say that she realized the length that she would go to in order to get a 20 dollar rock that was killing her; how far would she go in order to save her life.

Somewhere -- you get to where you stop balking and you do the deal, becuase you wanna live more than you wanna die.

I don't know but....

Liqour stores used to make me feel comfortable.

I used to feel right at home in roach infested motel rooms while I was smoking crack.

I liked smelling like alcohol and shit because I wanted to get high more than I did taking a bath.

I would rather drink than take my insulin.

Used to rush my kids out of the house in the morning so that I could have a drink. I would rather do that, than cook them breakfast and make sure that they were loved enough in the morning to make it through thier day.

The alarm clock in my body went off at 10:00 a.m. The liqour stores would open at that time of day.

I got 50.00 a week for playing three or four songs at church. I could not wait till churchwas over -- I wanted to go to the bootleg and buy some white lightning.

Getting in the middle of the program is what I do -- people in the rooms remind me of what I just wrote. I have a hard time remembering what it used to be like.

BTW... remember how you feel now when the next newcomer comes in the door and thx for reminding me to do the same.

I appreciate all of the responses. Glad it's not too boring to you all to talk about. While on the subject then of assimilating to AA and fellowship...any recommendations on the following: A lot of people who share in the meetings seem to do so just to hear themselves speak and a lot of those who are in love with the sounds of their own voice have a lot of years of sobriety behind them. I get really resentful when they monopolize the meetings when us newcomers have things that we NEED to purge and haven't had a chance yet. What's proper AA etiquette in dealing with verbal masturbators??? AND...is it wrong to get sick of hearing people have nothing else to say than how grateful they are for the rooms and the program and the blessings in their lives? Don't get me wrong at all, okay...I'm all about gratitude and positivity...but I get a little sick and tired of that being the only contributions made to meetings sometimes. I mean, I need something useful from you people...not to ONLY hear how grand life is sober. I know it is...but why is it? Tell me what's different. Tell me what's changed. Nobody ever says WHY! (I'm not pissed, I'm just passionate)

Let me reiterate about gratitude and positivity: it is not only inspiring for other people to hear it but also good to remind ourselves of how we are blessed and why we are grateful. That's not what I'm talking about with that. I'm talking about people not being real. People not talking about the disease and instead giving canned responses. I hate canned responses and it doesn't help them or the rest of us to go through the motions and give superficial, cliche remarks.

All of those things are most likely coming out of them as a result of working an honest program. It does sound sickening to one who has never been there, or does not know anything better. Just spend some time listening. I bet they are telling you the truth.

Life is grand becuase we have a solution to our problem with alcohol. It works my friend, but you have to work it.

Now I know -- that "I" have changed.

Something tells me that you have some "changing" to do.

Yeah, yeah you're right. I know I do. I'm happy to be there and wasn't resistant at first. I've wondered if maybe arrogance is sneaking up on me. But truly, canned responses are a waste of everybody's time. I'm practicing speaking up here to get up the courage to speak up there. As a newbie, I don't often feel I have the right to share. I know my place but at the same time I'm there to heal too. Old timers that use the room as their personal sounding boards are being self-centered in my opinion. Isn't our selfish ways what we are trying to move away from?

Yes, I do understand. Mainly because I did most of what you are talking about!!! Canned responses do suck however, they have been tried and tested. 20 years ago those old timers used to tell me all of those stale responses. I thought they were crock. I went back out several times. 10 months ago -- I came back after a five year spree. Trust me -- they are telling the truth.

When I was a kid. My Mom used to can stuff. Peach preserves; Green beans and potatoes; Chow-chow. I hated that stuff -- I thought it was all shit until I got hungry! Now come here..... When I was almost dead, and had had enough. My sponsor had me go back to that old meeting place that I had left. I cried that whole meeting becuase I realized that what they were telling me was true. I came back into the rooms hungry for what they had. I was glad to eat that canned shit they had tried to feed me before!

I am arrogant too. I finally got a good picture of it in my 4th and 5th step. Those are the behaviors that get me drunk. Self-centered, selfish behaviors are what I do. Those things are not running my life today.

Forget all about that stuff running around in your head. You are thinking too much. Spend your effort on working the steps, and cleaning house. Listening, and not knowing too much. Practice "honesty", "openmindedness", and "willingness".

Glad you're talking about this rather than 'just going back out'. Good for you!

I was welcomed by them too at first, but I would still sit farther in the back and the women were mostly up near the front, so I wonder now if I looked stuck up so they didn't come over to me, or if I looked like I just wanted to be left alone. I don't know.

I remember thinking that a few of the gals were cliquish (word?...spelling?) because they just talked amongst themselves leaving me with the men to talk to. Nothing wrong with the men, but I felt left out from the women. I FELT...didn't mean it was real.

So one day after the meeting, I walked up to my sponsor and started talking with her. One of the women was sitting by her, and as soon as I started chatting with my sponsor she chimmed in, and I was so shocked to find out that she was in fact a very warm, kind, friendly, concerned woman. I had her pegged all wrong, and I was ashamed of myself for the way I judged her. She talked to me like she just loved me and how I was doing, and she did love me and she was truly concerned about how I was doing!

So see we must not assume, because we could be missing out and cheating ourselves!

I never had a f2f sponsor call me. It is left to us as mentioned her. I understand that now...we have to show our willingness as mentioned here...that we are ready to do the work. All we have to do in the beginning is pick up that phone and get the ball rolling. It's hard, but has to be done...then it gets easier!(o;

It sounds like you need to find a recovery focussed meeting. You will soon know when you have found one - its members are passionate about recovery too and will be speaking of their road to recovery, not about how their week was.

Hopefully someone in your area will be able to direct you to such a meeting. Unfortunately I cannot help - I am in another country but you can call your local AA helpline.

One word about sponsorship - it is up to the sponsee to set the pace of recovery. Your sponsor is there as your guide, available to you. You need to do the work, including most of the phone calls.

Have you not had a chat with your sponsor about the way forward and what you both expect? Having this discussion and setting a few ground rules between you can make the journey ahead much smoother.

There's some great replies here dhg. I love soberp's and rainbow's replies. Keep an open mind and get to know these people. They do care.

Why not approach your sponsor and let her know how you feel and ask her if she really is reluctant to get the ball rolling and if so, why?

Painful as it is, you are better off getting the truth earlier than later.