Kind of feel like a bully is harassing me and I have no defense. I know he'll kick my ass if I keep fighting.

This is what's next.....let me know if its the right song, I dont have volume on my computer..lol

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=diYAc7gB-0A

I'm not sure what surrender is, i guess when youjust give up, like you are saying and know you can't have it and if you do, well, it wont be pretty.

i had another "hit" today driving home. It was snowing, cold, man, those were the fucked up lets take a cab to the casino days....but i quickly put myself back in reality

Surrender - means giving one's self to the winning side.

The side of sobriety.verses
the downward slide of active alcoholism.

What's next?

I don't know -- but it doesn't include blackouts, drunken anger, hangovers, or total despair.

Oh and you lost a pretty lousy lover. One that wanted more and more from you and only pretended to bring you satisfaction, instead dragging you into despair. An abusive lover that should be pushed to the curb and ignored.

What's next?

I don't know. But I think it's going to be pretty damn good.

Great answer Jersey girl...howtolive she is totally right and we have ALL been right where you are...hang in there is does get better. You will NEVER regret giving up drinking whereas you will always regret starting up.

Ok, so right now its the "WAA, I CAN"T have it " mode.
One thing I see you doing right is talking about it! You go! Great!
Now, what actions are you going to take so that idiot in the tree doesn't win?

How dare that tree climber taunt you. How dare this disease mess with your head. You are a child of God and you deserve much better than that destructive, malicious meanness.

The hard part is recognizing and accepting how the disease works inside our own head. That's the challenge we all have.

OK - Step 1 "I'm powerless...
Much good to you - many positive things sending your way.

I told King Alcohol he won. Was a good long fight. He has many tricks.
I hate losing....but the more and more I tried Alchohol won.

So I surrendered. No more fights for me Alchohol wins hands down...kicks me butt everytime.

I don't fight him any more...I might say....Wow nice ad....your good.

But he doesn't have me...I make my own descisions now
Thru deep surrender...I won my life.

I planned my last drunk...my last night with my lover. From that night on fickle alcohol just went right out and got more party friends....didn't even care my health was shot.

I won.... I am NOT being controlled anymore


cept ppl still piss me off

:)

complete defeat is when you want to give up all your old ideas and do it another way, the way AA wants you too and become willing and ready to work them steps.

I mourned the loss of what I thought was such a good friend. Alcohol had been my everything. Until it turned on me and tried to take everything I loved away from me. The most important being me. When I looked in the mirror, all I saw was an empty shell.

I was granted an opportunity to change my life and become that person I always wanted to be but thought it impossible. I was so glad when I threw in the towel and simply realized that I didn't have to drink today. Get busy and get a sponsor!

I found a sufficient substitute.........

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zi_XLOBDo_Y

The louder it is the less you hear the harassment of the heckling monster. TURN IT UP and TUNE IT OUT.

What you thinka dat, Cabledude?

That 'losing a lover' thing i something I really identify with, this is how I felt about it. I always say it was the most jealous lover that one can have - everyone and everything else has to go in order to placate the lover.
If you continue to think of this in terms of something being taken away from you, and something that you have had to give up, it will be hard for you to have enough desire to stay sober.

It's really about thinking 'I don't drink' - it's not being taken away, you have made a decision to live a sober life by living a spiritual life - that's it. It's like those ads a few years ago about 'choose life' that's what we are talking about here.
Being at the point of surrender is a great place to be even though it doesn't feel that way.

When we reach that point, we finally become teachable and that's when we really motor on with the steps.

Please feel free to pm me any time!

lyn

Somebody once said at a meeting that it was too bad that people were going in to treatment before they had totally lost everything now.It was an old-timer. He thought that if you waited until one second before the big three got you that you'd be less likely to relapse. I can't identify with the losing a lover metaphor. It was like not having to give up my life.

BTW--is your av why so many kids have head injuries during soccer? hugs~ sara

Lyn added some really GREAT points worth repeating...quit focusing on what you are losing and turn the focus on ALL that you are gaining!!!! Its Grrrrrrrrrrraaaaaat to be sober and feeling good!!!!

I have to join the choir here,serenity, shakysara, and poobear... It's about loss for all of 2 seconds. Yeah, you lose your little crutch, you lose your "go-to guy", your nasty little "friend". The party's over. Boo. I can romanticize my drinking, I can remember sittin' around the fire with my brother, laughing our asses off about "Meatballio's" (new breakfast cereal, made out of meat)... I can remember sittin' by a pond, frying up bologna slices on top of a Coleman lantern, a greasy mess, laughing our asses off at the stars... also with my brother...

I miss that shit.

But my brother's still drinking. And struggling. I can watch him in his struggle, and it's like having a sober me and a drunk me to compare. I'm praying for him to find the peace that comes, when he realizes he can put it down and quit running...

That's what surrender is to me. Putting down the weapon, and marching for a different cause. Peace of mind.

What's next? Moving from loss of a romanticized notion, to RECLAIMING a real life. Taking the reigns. I keep laughter in my life, I can still laugh my ass off at the stars, and Meatballio's is STILL the funniest thing I've ever heard of, because CEREAL SHOULD NOT BE MADE OUT OF MEAT, is why... My brother and I have had some times recently, when we've been laughing hysterically, just over stupid shit, and he glances at me, and we're both sober... I can see something there... I got him thinkin'...

What's next is a sense of pride. Making your own choices. Being a better you. Making real connections with people, not sloppy sloshy bull-shit ones...

Howtolive, you already know how to celebrate life, with stripes and plaids and flipflops in the snow... Trust yourself here. You are the party. You bring the fun. It's not the booze. It never was the booze.