First few months I obsessed about drinking...first I really wanted to drink so all my energy was in not drinking then desire NOT to drink finally kicked in and I obsessed about NOT drinking...then got pissed that I was obsessing too much. The first few months suck, anything and everything seemed to revolve around drinking/not drinking/wanting to drink. The good news....... It has passed!!!! The obsession was lifted...both the throught and desire. Which is not to say I still don't occasionally think about it or occasionally want to drink. I still do but it is fleeting and no longer an obsession. Give yourself TIME and TRUST that these feelings will pass...hang in there your doing great!

Anna, I wanted to add, "in my opinion". I needed the accountability and also needed to see my sponsor putting the steps into action in her life. I wanted her serenity and sanity.

I don't know that it is their fault per se. I am not sure that I can expect anything else from some meetings. Today we talked about the allergy and obsession and people were just relating their stories about realizing they were sick. Really, I think it's just me and where I am in recovery. I am on step 3. I feel like I'm missing something though. It's like I'm not fully grasping the spiritual aspect of the program.

KK, I am not LOOKING for a loophole I don't think, but I SEE an excuse to keep drinking. I can snap myself out of it by just thinking it through, but it is constant.

I can't quite put my finger on the real reason I feel this way. It's almost like I see people that don't know me wanting me to get better and then talking about their drinking and I think "you don't even know me. fuck this."

This is so confusing. I am sorting this out as I type. Maybe them talking about drinking is just an excuse for me to say fuck it. What is really causing me to want to say fuck it? Someone help me on this. I think I have a problem with people caring about me. Makes me want to escape.

WOW. I'm not even on my own topic anymore. I should have just said meetings make me want to drink. Period. People talking about drinking might be a trigger but isn't the real problem. Wtf.

I don't know. I'm ok right now. I won't drink today for sure.

Thanks for the replies.

Glad,
No I don't have a f2f sponsor yet. I am the problem in this. I have people who have even offered. I just haven't met someone I feel I can have that "relationship" with. I know that sounds dumb. I just haven't gotten to know enough about anyone I think. Trust issues, vulnerability, insecurities, commitment issues. I dunno.

Anna-thinking it through is HUGE. Do you know that? Your ability to see that you are triggered and to think it through is what is going to save you. Like Poo and Wendy said-many of us obsess about it. It is your reaction that is critical. And you were able to think it through. Great. I am so proud of you on this.

Your disease is knocking, and you are not letting it in...even though it may initially sound sweet-you know better.

Fabulous.

Bingo!!!!, kinda , At least in my expeirence...
Billy

Hiya HTL,

The only requirement for a sponsor is that they have had a spiritual awakening as the result of the steps and can they take you through the steps as they are in the Big Book. Maybe next time someone offers to sponsor you, you could ask them about that spiritual awakening and then go for it. Sponsorship is a great way to begin to develop healthy ways to behave in relationships. Honestly, just dive in!

I used to feel that way after meetings too!. The reason that I did was because I was suffering from untreated alcoholism and I went to meetings that made me laugh and shocked me, but then on the way home, my mind would be replaying those stories and they sounded so much more appealing to me!!

Try to find a meeting where the focus is on the solution and not those drinking stories!! You really need to get moving through the steps and you will see a difference in your self very quickly.

These days I don't go to meetings where people tell their drunkalogues and the whole meeting is focussed on drinking. My home group is a beginner's meeting and we speak about the solution. I must say though, I have never wanted to drink after a meeting since I got sober and did the steps.

PM me if I can help at all!

Lyn

OK! This sponsor business is about action. I was as terrified of it as you are. We don't drink for a gazillion years and eventually find out it was partially to deal with our fears about other people for nothing!!

Take some pressure off yourself but at the same time take action. Remember that when you ask someone to sponsor you, the two of you are not getting married. LOL. You're not committing to a long term relationship with them. Make it easy on both of you and say, "Could we start a sponsor relationship with an initial period of 30 days, at which point either of us can opt out if it isn't working out. But if it's going fine for both, we continue beyond the 30 days, always with the option to opt out if it turns out not to work?".

This takes LOADS of pressure off when we are new and only want to test our toes in the water, but need to take action NOW to get support to stay away from the first drink.

Try it.

Okay. Thank you all. I think next meeting that I have the opportunity or even the next several meetings, I will choose the topic of spiritual awakening. That I think will tell me what I need to know about someone so I can "dive in".

Thank you so much. I hope some other newcomers read this. It really helped me out. I think I'm not the only one feeling this way.

Spiritual awakening- Praise God!
Biblical truth in the 12 step serenity prayer- The WHOLE thing!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SQhZYeeR6lE&feature=player_embedded

If you cant get in, ping me I will connect you!

I like Wendy's take on sponsorship...here I thought it WAS a marriage!!! then dumped after six months I'm a bit afraid like you to jump back into the water. It makes a great deal of sense to say lets give it a go and make sure it will work for BOTH of us. I would not have a clue how to "work" the steps on my own.

I too fantasize about drinking at times...mostly when I am stressed or upset about something. Remembering all of the bad stuff helps keep me sober...and there definetly was more bad than good. I try to remember how much I hurt my husband and my kids, how incredibly lousy it feels to be hungover and how I would guzzle down beers in the morning to get rid of a hangover and be puking all the while...remembering that keeps me on the straight and narrow path

Simple answer is to get a sponser, like Dianne suggests. A GOOD sponser would have recommened most of this advice already. She may even help you pick out the "good" meetings.

I always get edgy when people are using their euphoric recall to talk about their addiction careers. They talk about the quite music, the dimmly lit room. The coy, friendly talk; the nice warm feeling and on...
They forget about the fights, the vomit the disgraceful behavior, the "not knowing how I got home or how my clothes got ripped. How I got my 3rd DUI and on.

Converstions about addiction experience needs to be kept tradgic and real...as though the addiction will kill you. If you are not getting this from your meetings...keep looking. The strenght and hope part should be the most talked about and revered. I say this like, "addiction speak versus recovery speak." Your mind and soul will reflect your direct beliefs about recovery and your response to these different modes.

If you respond negatively, like you have here, to the glamour of substance abuse, you are doing the right things...well mostly. GET A SPONSER!

Wayne-

Over think, over drink...my motto.

I am the last to give advice, but I just think you are in early soberity. Thing is, when I stop drinking, and I really dont want to, I have the exact thoughts as you.

now, rewind several months back when i had the shit scared out of me, it was fairly easy to not drink, i didnt have the obbessions, the thoughts, i didnt want to drink.

i then did things where i know id probably drink, but i did them anyways, i almost had to talk myself into that first dirnk after 30+ days sover....no, i DID talk myself back into it.

i was really starting to get comfortable NOT drinking.....

maybe try a different meeting, i like the big book study meetings coz it focuses on the text, personally i find it easier to share when theres something to focus on and i find listening to other shares really helpful in relation to the big book text coz i could sit at home and read it on my own but i didnt have the same understanding, sometimes when ive been to meeting and there has been shares alot about their drinking then i start to notice more the differences of how i drank than to the ppl share and that is bad coz your meant to look for similarities but sometimes its difficult when the share is alot on the drinking and a little on the solution. But i have to admitt when i share sometime my mind goes empty and i dunno whats going to come out so i can see how meetings can turn into alot about drinking, one meeting i went to seemed purely on drink driving and how hard christmas is. i guess we have all got our weakness' it aint easy to share and so i try hard to listen out to how i related, experience strength and hope