Alcoholism Support Group

Alcoholism is the continued consumption of alcoholic beverages, even when it is negatively affecting your health, work, relationships and life. If you think alcohol is causing you to lose control, it's time to seek help. Our group is a safe place to vent, check in, get back up if you fall, and reach sobriety.

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i need some advice

catskyn
catskyn

     i have been sober for 50 days now yay!!! Iam 49 years young and have tried to get sober many times and I alwys slip but thats okay as long as I keep trying. Its never okay for me to drink thats not the part thats okay whats okay is that its never to late to keep trying. 


     Anyways my sister is also an alcoholic and together we get so drunk. She is in need of a place to live and asked if she could move in with me. Shes 66 years old and lives with 2 women. One of her roomates is wating for her husband to get out of Prison. Shes been waiting for him for over 10 years and hes finally being released very soon. She gave my sister and the other woamn fair warning like a year ago that when her husband is released they both have to go. My sister is a procrastanater and she is also the type of person that complains a lot about her situation but does nothing to correct it. I feel realy bad for saying that, I really do... 


     I love her and I dont want to leave her without a place to stay shes my sister but I am so afraid I will relapse if she moves in with me, in fact let me say that I know for a fact I will. When I slip it doesnt last long and I usually only have at the most 4 beers a night and 4 is a lot I dont drink likeI used to when I was younger but if I slip while shes living with me it will be a completely different story. We drink so much when we are together its insane . I dont want to do that anymore. Please any advice would be greatly appreciated ;0)

mechengr55
mechengr55
Congratulations on 50 days!!! You are in a very difficult spot. If you really want to stay sober and you can't do it with her living with you, maybe the best thing is to help her find her own place now. Explain to her that you want to stay sober, and you can't with her living with you. She may promise to quit, but you yourself know how hard that is and how long it would last. I'm sorry this isn't very good advice, but it is the only option for you if you really want to stay sober. Best wishes to you!
PJ54
PJ54
Hello catskyn,

You have received excellent advice from mechengr55 above and there is not a lot more that I could add to it. Just bear in mind that alcoholism is a progressive condition, meaning that if you drink again it will be worse than before and it is also a deadly ailment which often ends in the loss of everything, including sanity and life itself. For that reason, I would urge you to put yourself first because you will not be much help to yourself or anyone else if you go back to drinking.

With a clear head, you can help your sister to find a place. Check out your local citizen’s information office if there is one and find out if there are any benefits or official help available that would make it easier for your sister to relocate.

You have seen what it is like to be sober for 50 days so don’t allow anything or anyone to put that at risk. There is no reason why you should drink again once you decides that sobriety is the way forward.
coffee
coffee
I really feel for you. Your 50 days sober is a real achievement and you should congratulate yourself on that you've done amazingly well so be proud, you can't afford to put yourself in any situation that may result in a relapse you've worked hard so being around anyone who drinks even if it is a family member isn't a good situation to be in babe you need to remain strong for you.....perhaps someone else could take her in. Sometimes we need to put ourselves first regardless of family commitments. Stay strong your amazing x
Lukie1946
Lukie1946
To help your sister, if you have a Housing Authority in your town, take her there to apply for Senior Housing. Age requirements are 65 or disabled. You cannot help her while she is living with you. You might want to check into a rehab for her if she will go. Stand fast and do not give in. Your sobriety is new and not very strong yet. That will come with time. Not sure what you are doing to stay sober but doing it alone with just not drinking will not work for most alcoholics. They need outside help. Alcoholics Anonymous has worked for millions of people, me being one of them. I wish you the best in your road to recovery and hope your sister finds helps also.
stickywick
stickywick
If you know that you will use your sister staying with you as a reason to drink; then don't have her stay with you. However, I did find that until I was committed to staying sober under all conditions, I wasnt going to. I would drink when happy, sad, when it was a holiday or when it was a Monday. Didnt matter, I drank. I was an almost daily drinker for most of the 10 years before I got sober. Finally I was shit out of excuses, sick of feeling sick and decided I needed to ask for help. I've been sober a day at a time since. But I'm not "perfect" nor without caution. In early sobriety in particular I stayed away from places that were only about booze and I've had to change some friendships too. Its a day at a time, and its not always pretty, easy, or pain free (I guess I thought life should be) but its so much better than the cycle of abuse I was in before.
Anyway -- until you want to let go of the right to drink, you won't. Your sister coming or not probably won't really change things till you are ready to be done.
jeffneedshelp
jeffneedshelp
Congrats on 50 days. To continue that, you must do what you need to.

If you were contagious with fever or flu you wouldn't host. She's contagious with alcohol and you are barely getting steady feet.
catskyn
catskyn
Thank you so much all of you i really appreciate a lll your advice. I am not strong enough to live with a drinker. I do have to look out for myself and my kids, Thank you
Community Leaderbobinmaine
bobinmaine
Why don't you just tell her that there needs to be some rules in place before cohabitation can happen.. Explain to her about all the bad things alcoholism has done to you and that you had no choice but to quit so rule number one is, you are not allowed to drink while living here because it will trigger you. I am pretty sure, she will not be able to hold up her end of the bargain should she agree to it so probably the best thing is for her to find another place. Just tell her. Don't be afraid. Staying sober has to be your number one priority as you are still in a fragile state with your sobriety.
It might also help you to go places like AA meetings where you can make some sober friends.

God Bless!
Sac555
Sac555
Wow, you have been given such great advice! I noticed that it is exactly what is your gut feeling too! :) She may not understand your decision, but maybe you could help her find a place like some mentioned already. Just tell her you love her, and that you don't think you're strong enough to stand if you're around any drinking at this time. Perhaps later she will see that and want to be like you! Invite her to AA if you go! Tell her you'd appreciate her understanding even if she feels you are wrong.
You are doing the right thing! Hang in there! Once she finds a place the pressure will be off for both of you.
Prayers for you! Congratulations for being sober! You are an OVERCOMER!!!!!!!!!!!
vincent0001
vincent0001
Congratulations on 50+ days!
catskyn
catskyn
Thank you for all your replies. She is going to live with her daughter. I have a cat and she is highly allergic to them so I didn't been have to get into anything about drinking with her and staying here. I told her the other day about my sobriety and when my daughter who doesn't drink, comes to visit and we have a family dinner there will be no drinking allowed in my house. Usually I do not do that. I let my family come over and drink anyways. Sometimes I don't drink but there have been times when I have blown my sobriety and drank with them
mechengr55
mechengr55
Hi Catskyn
Glad to hear that it worked out without a big fuss!!!
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