Hi dear Lorna ~ If you can think this thru, it helps. Think about all the BAD that has happened each time you drank. Think how far down the ladder you fell when you reached your bottom. Think how LOW you can go just to get a drink. Think how horrible it makes you feel, both mentally and physically, the day after. There's the awful guilt and remorse to deal with. That's what makes us suicidal ~ we can't deal with the GUILT!!! Do NOT play with this FIRE!!! You are a STRONG woman and you can beat this!! This disease is calling you, telling you that it wants to kill you!!!

Are you going to let this disease kill you? NO. Don't give in to it! You're stronger than this disease. You've already shown that you are by staying sober for 7 years!! You can do it by staying sober one day at a time. That's all you have to do. If one day is too much, then do it one minute at a time. That's what I would do when it got too much.

We need you here. You are IMPORTANT to us. You can help THOUSANDS of other alcoholics by what you do. And you can help US. We care about you. Just a minute at a time. That's all you need to worry about. You can do that. We'll be here for you. Love, Lee

Cant help you out with a meeting in texas, sorry :-)

Helpful thing to remember might be that your Higher Power is everywhere not just in a meeting so you have access to that power at all times.

Maybe you could do some prayer and meditation to remind yourself of the connection and to focus yourself. And do you have a big book with you? I find reading the book can make me feel really connected to AA even if I cant get to a meeting.

I think it is the program and HP that keeps us sober rather than meetings so for me it is important to focus on what am I doing in terms of spirituality. i say this because it is easy to get frightened that we might drink because we are not at meetings for a while but in reality our program and connection to HP is what we need. That is why I suggested prayer and meditation, it works for me.

Also, what do you have planned for the day while your son is out? Always better for me to keep occupied rather than having too much time to sit and think. Is there something that you enjoy doing that you are able to do today. Even if it is just relaxing with a good book or sitting in the garden enjoying being outside or going for a walk. We all have different things we like so something that works to make you feel calm and relaxed would be good.

Hope some of this helps. Around my computer for a while if you want to private message me at all. :-)

Thank you Lee. Yes, I think the drink through and it keeps me sober. It's not the guilt that would make me kill myself, it is the plain shear horrible time doing the first year all over would be for me. I NEVER want to go through that time again. So much discomfort and jonesing. You know what I mean? Once you know better, it's like death to yourself to do that again. How long have you been sober?

Just thought as well that there is a website called xa-speakers where there are loads of recovery recordings of people speaking at conventions, meetings etc. Loads on there so something for everyone. Maybe you could go on there and find something to listen to that is inspirational. Not quite the same as being in a meeting but at least you would get to listen to someone talking about recovery.

Thanks you all. I will check that web site. Just been alone too much lately I think. I've been on the road for a month. Was able to go to meetings the first 2 weeks. It's funny how I can feel grateful and shaky at the same time. Addiction, cunning, baffling, and powerful. Thanks again.

Hi Lorna...thanks for bringing this up. I really wanted to go to a meeting tonight but got home too late so have come here for "my" support fix :D. I am planning a road trip with my sister so decided to hit a meeting when I'm at my Aunt's house which is about half way thru our trip so I'm doing a web search now for meetings in her town so I'll know where to go. Good idea to plan ahead! Thanks for the reminder...and congratulations on your sobriety! I know its a daily repreive.

Hi Lorna, below is a link to a thread recently about online meetings, and one to the Texas AA. Hope this helps.

http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Alcoholism/forum/9688377-online-aa-meetings

http://www.step12.com/texas.html

Lorna,
If you tell me where in Texas you are, I can most likely find you a meeting and a ride. It's wonderful what we can do with a keyboard and a bunch of alcoholics.

Hi Lorna ~ Sorry I didn't get back to you. I've been sober almost 17 years. But I sure remember having those horrible days/weeks when I wanted a drink so bad I could scream!!! I was pretty lucky tho ~ my home group kept me awfully busy. If I wasn't going to meetings, I was doing service work, or going into prisons and taking the meetings in there, or into juvenile homes, etc. Plus I was working full time too. It did me a world of good tho.

I wish I could still do some of that stuff, but I'm disabled now. I hope you're feeling a bit better. And I know what you mean about not having another recovery in you. I know I would NOT have one in me. I'd just plain lay down and die if I relapsed. I do not have another recovery in me, no way. no how. I just plain could not do that again. I guess that's why I will NOT drink again. God bless. Hugs, Lee

Well folks,
I fly home tomorrow at 12:30 from Dallas to Seattle and on to Spokane. Think nice calm flying thoughts for me! :-) It will be nice to be back in meetings again. Talked to an AA buddy who is going to pick me up in Spokane and it was real nice to touch base. I still feel kind of out of it but that's what happens when I don't keep going to meetings and stay connected.
Thanks for all your help and connections. If I ever find myself in this position again I'll get on here first thing and I might even be able to get my ass to a meeting.
Peace and love.

Hi. I know how it can be when we are away from meetings for awhile. We need that spiritual food that we get in them to help keep us in line. It may not be the same, but there are some A.A. meetings on line. Just type in A.A online meetings, and you`ll find something. Sometimes what I do is listen to an A.A. speaker tape. That can help a lot too. You can also find those online, and listen to them. Clancy is a good speaker that I like to hear. he`s funny, but has a fantastic way of making things clear. Check it out. All the best. James