I know everyone has their story. Im gonna sum mine up as tight as I can cause I tend to ramble. So ... Step dad was sexually abusive and very peverted from ages 4-13. I always held a hope my real dad would come find me and save me...even thpugh I never met him. When I was 13 my mom sat me down one day and told me my dad was killed by his gf on the other side of the country over booze.

I worked up the nerve to tell my mom what my step dad was doing to me. She acted like she never believed me from the jump. The next day I called the police and had myself removed from the home. I placed myself into foster care. I began drinking smoking weed and cigerettes at this point.

My mom stood up in court and called me a liar having charges against my step dad dropped.

Spend 2 years in group home...meet my sons dad. He was 19 and i was 15. I got pregnant and had my son at 15. I tried really hard for the first year to be a good mom but deep inside there was a storm brewing.

My son went to live with my mom ....yeah i feel terrible i know but she treated him with all the love i lacked so its ok. I went on a 3 year coke, e, crack and alcohol binge. Like i literally dont remember most of those days, slept with hundreds of men ughhh.

I eventually ended up in a big city a few hours away living with a crack dealer/pimp...i was 18. He gave me a choice...i could either sell myself or convince other women to sell themselves. I was so stupid an in desperate need of love I had given him enough info about my son and family for him to control me for quite a while. I would groom women and dazzle them to work for us. Then when they tried to leave i would hurt and manipulate them. I eventually charged him with kidnapping and assault when he pistol whipped me and made me beg for my life.not my proudest moments.

Finally around the time I was 20 I decided to get my shit more together. I took back custody of my boy, got my GED and went on to get 2 diplomas and 1 certificate from college. Mind you I drank at least every other day the last 6 years I was in school. Functioning during the week and black out on the weekends. I often went to class drunk as well.

I graduated with my 2 diplomas this april. And went on a massive binge this summer. One morning waking up with pee and puke spots all over my house. I woke up on the floor in my hallway. I've been ssloppy drunk before but never pee and puke all over my house drunk lol I finally had enough of myself. i was done trying to prove to everyone I ccould be succesful and a fuckup and I got tired of burying my pin. Because the second the bottle was gone...the pain remained the same.

Mind you I moved back with my mom around the time I was 24 so she could help with my son while i finished school. (im 26 now) so although she has been slowly awakening... She still hasn't fully acknowleged everything.

After all of this plus the crap I didn't say.... I realized Im needed to help. To help sexual abuse victims. To help street worketrs. To help people heal. And I put down the bottle and never looked back.

The first sober month was easy peasy. Literally flew by. But the last few weeks have been hell. All my memories are coming back. Everyday I fight new demons. Its exhausting. One day im bright and cheerful and ready to save the world and the next week I will be depressed and enter catatonic states often zoning out into my vivid flashbacks, crying the whole day some days.

It's hard. But I want my son to have a healthy mom. i want to set an example for my family. I want to inspire others. I want to f et married and have kids one day. ...luckily I am financially stable enough to take this time to myself. i often pray and meditate and practice guided hypnosis. I eat much healthier and try my best to regulate my sleep. I will be going to my furst AA meeting on Thursday...I can't take the hopeless feelings right now. Im just sick. ...