i will not pretend to know or understand your your plight whoohoo...all i can offer is hugs.

as far as holidays go....i plan on reliving my youth and watching all the animated specials.....complete with popcorn,soda and bendy straws. :)

peace, nods and whispers lew

hugs accepted and appreciated, lew. Thank you.
Now what exactly is passivises?
I think you're making up words here.
If you wanna make up words...bring it on!
I'm the champ!

Ah sweetheart... geez...I've worked with sexual abuse victims for years. I never planned it..it feel into my lap. I actually became the child sexual abuse expert in my state... heck...never wanted that at all. I can't tell you the nightmares, and the nights of going home after listening to the "ick" that came from the mouths of babes...and them being innocent and they did not realize the crap they were telling me.... girl don't you think those nights had good stiff drinks to chase down the sad eyes and curious looks as I kept a straight face. While on the inside I "SCREAMED" and I went to court and held hands with these children with my professional straight face, but inside I "SCREAMED." The one relief was most of those kids had the courage to face their abusers and put them behind bars. Something that is rare, and impossible if the family doesn't support the victim.

I have never been sexually assaulted. Thank God. I will say that everything else that has been done, I've seemed to endured. Call it pessimissim but when one out of four women are sexualy assaulted... I'm not sure about my odds of getting past this life time without sexual abuse.

But sister, and those others who have endure assualt... however those who endure it via a parent, over a period of time, without validation or a response from from the perp, and no support or belief from the rest of the family... well.. have the hardest road to climb... and deserve our respect, compassion and admiration to go about this life and undo all the damage that could be done to a human... to be lifted up... and asked... how will you thrive...not just survive your trauma...but thrive... I have seen it turned around... in a child as young as 3 to a woman as old as 75... healing is there for those who will face the demons... but we must hold their hands... as women, as mothers, sisters, as a society (not meaning to leave men out 1 in 11 males are sexually assaulted as well). Good luck to you sister and all of my other sisters battling the scars left behind..but these are just scars...not the ture fibers of your being... stay strong! Blessings!

I wrestled with forgiveness of 2 family members for a long time. What they did was so incredibly over the top vicious....moreso than I was capable of at my drunkest and meanest.

For over a year whenever they were over I'd make myself invisible, I never even said hello to them (my husband's bro and SIL). They knew I hated them and asked my hub about it, he'd just make an excuse for me....he never told them why I was mad and obviously they didn't think they deserved my cold shoulder.

For over a year I prayed for them daily. At one time I thought I was getting signals that it was time to forgive.....after making an effort I decided it wasn't time yet, but I accepted the notion of, "maybe some day, just not now." I realized if I said, "I could NEVER forgive them," that I'd be stunting my own spiritual growth and development.

That was 7 years ago (8 years since they did what they did), and in that time I have come to have a more comfortable relationship with them, it was gradual. I will never forget, but I have a lot less stress on me not feeling that hate. In 7 years I have never completely let my guard down in their presence, but it feels good to not have that hatred following me around.

I don't know if that was helpful, just my ES&H.

To often things happen in life that ARE totally unacceptable. I had to come to the simple understanding I had to accept that it did happen and there was nothing I could do about it at the time. Until I did that I carried that moment in my head and took my anger out on others. When I accepted that it did happen I could see my part in the aftermath and understand that was just as angry at myself as I was at my attacker. I had to work backwards. Forgive myself first.

i can totally relate to all of you...my anger was so intense at one time that when i tried to talk about the person while i was in therapy my throat literally and physicaly tightened up to the point of almost choking..i feel so bad for you all cause i realy do know how it feels..i guess what got me thru is that i believe God saw everything and i have and will just leave it in His hands..i believe He is just (God) ...acceptance in the bb also helped and still helps me thru everything..God grant me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change, the courage to change the things i can and the wisdom to know the difference..the perps will someday have to face what they've done..they havent gotten away with it...a verse in the bible says "be sure your sins will find you out" so as long as we keep our side of the street as clean as we can...THEY are on they're own...bless you all

Damn Kate,

So many here have said so much that I believe in and agree with. I know they are right when it comes to surrendering the pain and anger to God (and more).. I only have one person in my life I cannot do this with. I have tried, and tried and tried. Inonoth, said it best for me about "forgiveness doesn't mean acceptance".

This person happens to be my stepfather. My hatred (yes, I said hate)... for him is so deep down in the crux of my soul that I have not much hope in any peace with God over it. I know how you feel and it hurts me for you that you are going through this mind f***.

It sounds hypocritical, but I do believe God will deal with this in His love and own timing. I just wish the pain would end.

For now, today, I pray that my stepdad will be attacked by a swarm of killer bees...

Love you

WE must keep our side of the streets clean, trust me I think the same way, I don't want to appologize to some assh*le, but then I do it, and somehow I can hold my head up, cause I am the better person for it. If you think about forgiveness is a practice it get's easier, especially when you think, well do I wan't to be forgive for some of the bad stuff I have done in my life, of course the answer is YES, so forgive and you too shall be forgiven. Also get to know what forgiveness really means, it don't mean you forgive and you have to be freinds with the person or anything, it's more of a let it go type thing. I have read alot of times where the post's will read well I forgave mr x and now we can be friends, it don't work that way all the time, although sometimes it does, I have to forgive my parent's for treating me so bad, but I don't have to go over to there house or keep contact with them, it's more like ok I forgive you and now get along with life.Ask yourself if you want to be forgiven! Also journal about these people who have wronged you and get it out, sometimes it's just a resentment, you just hurt yourself in the long run. These people that ran this one rehab I have been too use to say all the time, You can't think your way into right living, you have to act your way into right living. it's so true.

WH,
Something I did do years ago was write a letter to those I could not talk to. I wrote a letter to my Mother, and another to my Father. I then went and sat in a field (with an AA friend nearby) and read out those letters. I then had the biggest bawl of my life.(gave Niagara Falls a run for it's money). My friend came over after a while and hugged me. We then lit a little fire and burnt those letters. That helped a lot for me.
CM xxx

coogeemum thats realy a good idea..writting and burning the letters..i'm going to remember that