Alcoholism Support Group
Alcoholism is the continued consumption of alcoholic beverages, even when it is negatively affecting your health, work, relationships and life. If you think alcohol is causing you to lose control, it's time to seek help. Our group is a safe place to vent, check in, get back up if you fall, and reach sobriety.
Been drinking since age 14. I am now 59. I had many 30-day sobriety periods, a few 90-day periods and only 1 6-month sobriety period.
I have relapsed big time and when I do, I act out with going to bars, gambling, losing all my money, falling down, blacking out and having trouble focusing on a new job and all of my relatoinships.
To be honest, I feel that I could deal with the drinking consequences, but the gambling in the bars are causing me to have suicidal thoughts. There is no way I can take time off work. I have only been there for 3 months. The lead admin will be leaving on vacation for a week in mid July. She has been cramming new training down my throat in a fast way and none of it makes any sense when she rushes things. I thought training would be letting me see how it's done step by step with me writing down notes. As it is, I have brought my whole notebook home with me this weekend, so I can type them in an orderly fashion and print them out.
I'm scared! I can't go to rehab now. I live with an elderly man who is 81 and I'm his Power of Attorney and I am not doing a very good job at that. But I do make business calls for him and take care of his insurance for his cars, life insurance, home owner's insurance, you get the idea.
I have gotten to the point really where I do not want to work and I do not want to live this way. I do not know where to turn. I know there are other alternatives besides AA meetings and there are online SMART meetings and Lifering and even AA online meetings. But if you were to look inside of my bedroom, you would see a woman with clutter everywhere! From papers to clothes. I need a break but I can't let down my employer. After the lead admin takes a vacation, maybe then I can look into an outpatient program , for I do have the Oregon Health Plan which will pay for substance abuse. And then there is always the Oregon Lottery who set aside funds for people like me that sit at a video poker machine and waste my money away. I was on a roll and then I went to a different bar and the machine took it all plus some with the ATM machine right next to the vid machines! I want to give up is what I want to do.
I have relapsed big time and when I do, I act out with going to bars, gambling, losing all my money, falling down, blacking out and having trouble focusing on a new job and all of my relatoinships.
To be honest, I feel that I could deal with the drinking consequences, but the gambling in the bars are causing me to have suicidal thoughts. There is no way I can take time off work. I have only been there for 3 months. The lead admin will be leaving on vacation for a week in mid July. She has been cramming new training down my throat in a fast way and none of it makes any sense when she rushes things. I thought training would be letting me see how it's done step by step with me writing down notes. As it is, I have brought my whole notebook home with me this weekend, so I can type them in an orderly fashion and print them out.
I'm scared! I can't go to rehab now. I live with an elderly man who is 81 and I'm his Power of Attorney and I am not doing a very good job at that. But I do make business calls for him and take care of his insurance for his cars, life insurance, home owner's insurance, you get the idea.
I have gotten to the point really where I do not want to work and I do not want to live this way. I do not know where to turn. I know there are other alternatives besides AA meetings and there are online SMART meetings and Lifering and even AA online meetings. But if you were to look inside of my bedroom, you would see a woman with clutter everywhere! From papers to clothes. I need a break but I can't let down my employer. After the lead admin takes a vacation, maybe then I can look into an outpatient program , for I do have the Oregon Health Plan which will pay for substance abuse. And then there is always the Oregon Lottery who set aside funds for people like me that sit at a video poker machine and waste my money away. I was on a roll and then I went to a different bar and the machine took it all plus some with the ATM machine right next to the vid machines! I want to give up is what I want to do.
-
check out that smoke ring. It tasted really good. I smothered it with Maulls BBQ sauce which is Local to St. Louis and one of the best I ever had.....
-
I was recently separated from my wife of 33 years and it's complicated. Anyway I rented a room about 15 minutes away and I see my kids about once a week. I see the people who own the house I live in once in a while but other than that I stay in my room where I do my cooking, wash dishes in the shower, read, color, and sleep. I get out at least once a day. I grocery shop and I attend 2 meetings...
Seems you know there are options AA, GA, SMART, LifeRing etc. Are things painful enough for you to try one of them? If you have time to sit at a video poker machine, you have time to go to a meeting and find out if it has something that could help you change things.
You feel that you can deal with the drinking consequences and that may be the root of your problem. Excessive alcohol consumption distorts your way of thinking and it can be difficult to separate fact from fiction. It seems to me that you are not dealing with the drinking consequences at all and that the other problems are either the direct result of your drinking or are greatly aggravated by it.
As Nicky has stated, you seem to know that there are options so your next step is to take some action. Look into those different options and find one that works for you. You do not necessarily have to go to rehab in order to deal with a drinking problem. My own experience has been that I got to the point of losing all hope for the future. I wanted to keep drinking because of the buzz that it gave; knew I had to stop if I wanted to keep living; believed that I could not handle life without alcohol and it didnt matter anyhow, because I found that I could not stay sober for more than a few days no matter how hard I tried. When all else failed I went to an AA meeting and life changed completely, all for the better.
As for your work, I would suggest talking to your colleague about your training and seeing if you can concentrate on the most important points. Dont worry about printing off neatly typed notes and accept that you will probably make some mistakes along the way. Sometimes the best way to learn is to be thrown in at the deep end as you will then have to make decisions and learn as you go along.
If you really want to give up drinking, you will do whatever it takes. Maybe you need to learn more about alcoholism and to take another look at what drinking is doing to you. It was a big help to me to learn the reasons why I drank in the way that I did and why I was unable to quit on my own, despite being determined to do so. By going to AA meetings I learned about the exact nature of the problem that I had and that there was a solution that worked.
http://www.stitcher.com/s?eid=34298394&refid=stpr
http://www.stitcher.com/s?eid=34298395&refid=stpr
http://www.stitcher.com/s?eid=34442518&refid=stpr
AA and the 12 steps changed my life and I have never been happier!
God Bless!
Billy
I got alot of support from my own doctor who encouraged me every step of the way! If you care enough about yourself to begin living a healthy lifestyle then they will go out of their way to help you like they did me!
You need to have your liver checked asap. My mother died of liver sirosis at the age of 52 and she had been an alcoholic for only 15 years or so!
You are about to make a life or death decision and I hope you stay in the land of the living. I use to feel just like you and think all was hopeless. That was 6 years ago and now I have a life second to none. That was all thanks to the 12 steps of AA!
Good luck and God Bless!
If those places make you feel suicidal, STAY AWAY and talk to someone at a 1800 helpline.
It seems like you have a lot on your plate. You will not be able to function if you are always blacking out.
If you are addicted to video poker, you can play for free, just for fun, download an app on your phone, without loosing anything.
Get some help wherever it maybe before you have a nervous breakdown.
http://www.radiantrecovery.com/7steps.htm
Laura
http://www.aa-oregon.org/aa_meetings.htm
Maybe the two links above can provide you with some support. Good Luck.
Go find a room of other alchys. You can do it!
1is2many