Hello gottastop,

People here can keep repeating the same suggestions over and over but nothing will change for you until you take action.

Drinking last night does not mean the end of the world but it does give you a powerful and practical demonstration of something I keep posting about repeatedly, an obsession for alcohol. You could compare your life right now with being on an elevator that goes all the way to the bottom floor. The good part is that you can get off at any level that you choose and the bad part is that if you do nothing, you will soon reach that dark basement where your kids, your sister and everyone else that you hold dear may no longer be part of your life.

You are dealing with a serious condition that very many people cannot overcome without help. AA would be a good place to start.

Thankyou pj54. I actually reached out to an old friend that I know became sober 8 years ago. He said he would go with me to a meeting. I guess that will be the first step

What helped me when I had a slip is going back to that point in time and asking myself how I felt at that exact moment when I decided I needed that drink and every single time, it was a fear of something. Almost always it was depression over some negative aspect of my life like the time I went through my divorce, for example.

When I went through an IOP (Intensive Outpatient Program) I was taught coping skills. I was taught how to deal with those negative times in my life so I wouldn't have to look for comfort in a bottle.

AA did the same thing but went one step further by giving me ongoing support to help me through the bad times. My AA sponser was my lifesavor and I made use of him at all hours of the day, expecially in the beginning when my sobriety was still in a fragile state.

I think you may already know what triggered your slip and you may be feeling some guilt over it but if you use it as a learning experience and If you make plans to avoid that trigger in the future, then that will go along way toward getting you through those first few critical months!

God Bless!

how did I get so bad.. It all happened so fast. I can't even believe this is who I am

I really don't even understand what triggers me to go and buy it. It makes no sense at all to me. I wasn't any more depressed than I had been the days previous. Things were actually a little bit better. It seems like every time things get a little but better for me I do something to screw it up again. I contacted that friend and made plans to meet up with him to talk and was really serious about wanting to quit. And then I went out and bought some alcohol. It makes no sense

Hello gottastop,

When a person becomes obsessed with alcohol he or she will always find a reason to drink. There will often be a handy scapegoat such as a spouse, family member or employer for example, who can be conveniently blamed. Sometimes there will be what some people like to refer to as triggers. Other times there will be no believable excuse so something will have to be made up in order to justify drinking. I know of alcoholics who would deliberately pick a fight with someone at home and then storm out of the house to go and drink, putting the guilt aside by blaming the other person.

I got to a point where the excuse either ran out or I suddenly realized that I no longer believed my own attempts at justification. That was a horrible place to be because I was then drinking for no reason that I could understand and I just drank more. It was then that I knew I needed help.

Please go with your sober friend to the meeting and become fully committed to getting sober. It may not be easy but millions of people have done it so why not you?

I know the reason I began drinking. I don't use it as an excuse anymore. My husband is extremely mentally and emotionally abusive: I started drinking to try and block out the horrible things he would say and do. I didn't feel I could leave. I should have and looking back I do wish I had done that as opposed to drinking away the pain. Now, as you said I don't know why I do it. The mental and emotional abuse are still present but I now drink even when things are 'good' I can't make any sense of it and that's how I know I am an alcoholic. I know I have no one to blame but myself. I am going to go to the meeting with my friend and hopefully that will help me to actually find a way to quit for good. Alcohol is ruining my life.

Make changes one at a time. You are aware you are alcoholic. You are aware your husband abuses you.

Find a path to sobriety. Find a path, in your new strong self out of the abusive marriage.

None of this easy. But very doable. I've heard a lot of stories like yours in AA meetings. Many of the men and women have new lives with new families and they've repaired issues with their original families.

I could quit I just couldn't stay quit for long. It took action on my part. Like a prize fighter I have to train and keep moving. The minute I stop I get knocked on my as
The key is finding something to replace the drinking. Mine is a program and sober friends. You are worth it. Cmon!
1is2many

The fact that you are able to admit to yourself you are an alcoholic AND you realize it's only ruining your life means you're on the right path! The best thing you can do (which you're doing) is constantly talk to your friends when you are struggling with the urge. Addiction is not easy to overcome alone. So stay close to your friends. Furthermore, dig deep and do some serious soul searching. Find your "Why". And let go of your past completely. Practice saying this yourself daily, "I REFUSE TO REHEARSE MY PAST!" Take all negative thoughts and hold them captive, then throw them away. I'm a survivor of alcohol. I struggled with alcohol abuse for 15 years. My prayers for you on your journey to a better happy life! God Bless and don't give up! :-)

You need alot of support and AA is a great place to find that support!

Just remember, "Nothing ever changes if nothing never changes", so make that change and don't be afraid!

God Bless