don't plant negative seeds - 10 mos is a long time!

Peace!

You better start doing things then. Have you got a sponsor? Do you have phone numbers of other A.A. members? I am assuming that you are in A.A. Are you? let us know more so we can help. This is very vague, and that sends a red flag up for me. Usually we know what's going to happen before, and we don't say too much, or let anyone in. I think your doing this. Don't do that. The help is here, but you need to let people in. Let me know more about whats going on. Wish you the best, and don't drink. It can get better if you want that. All the best. James

Congrats on another day of sobriety!

Without the down days, I never really learned to cope with life. That awful, consuming desire to have a drink was frightening, and perfectly natural.

I would always make a point of telling on myself, admitting it and asking for help.

As many people told me, the more I practiced that kind of honesty, like you did in sharing in this thread, the better I got at living without drinking ... it was all good sober experience and not wasted -- so long as I didn't pick up that first drink.

I sure still have days when I am off the beam ... but I am very lucky that awful obsession has not come around in a while.

Again, congratulations!

The bad days come with the good. If we are diligent and vigilant, we get through them!! The beauty of a program and a support system. It really does work.

10 months is awesome and something to be grateful for. :) Good going.

~Chris

It won't as long as you do what you know you need to do. Are you in a program of recovery? If so, are you doing the work?. If your thinking it's going to get you real soon, I would take that as a strong warning. Get the help you need, and stay here on D.S. In find the support here very good, but still you need a program to help you to live a life of recovery. All the best. James

Congrats on the 10 months. I have a year today and I can tell you that you can overcome the fear, but like James says, you have to "get into action" - get to AA, get a sponsor, get a committment. We cannot let this disease take us while lying down - we absolutely have to face it head-on. Your post sounds like a cry for help? Are you planning to drink?

Dipso....what are you doing to stop it happening?

For me, it took AA (I know for others there are other ways). Until I began the Steps I always lived in fear of picking up......it was like a daily fight of 'will I, won't I'. Wow, it is so good not to live in that fear anymore.

Peace to you

(how spooky is this, when typing the paragraph above, I just had a 'de ja vu' expereince.....with your profile picture and everything....weird).

Thanks all,
It's just getting so hard - I thought it would get easier. I just want it so much - I know why, its because Im really depressed in such a bad way and I guess its just what i want to use to get me out of the depression.
but i know it wont work longterm.

I really want to have a baby and thought if i cleared 9 months i would be free to carry a baby. Now its 10 months and no sign if a bady.so im fighting with my partner - it doesnt help that we have problems in bed.

i dont go to AA because im only 30 and its all older men at my groups but I do attend a patient supprt group on a wednesday but its non AA. M8BEAR - I think you have commented a while ago on a post i made a long time a go.

It's obvious that what you are currently doing to stay sober isn't working. The way that you are living is so horrible and soul-destroying - never knowing if this day, this hour or this minute is when you are gonna pick up and screw it all up again.

I understand that the AA groups where you are are crusty old geezers but some of them will be in possession that you need in order to recover. If you truly want to change your life, stay sober and have a family then you have to change what you are doing to stay sober right now - so, the choice of where you go next is yours but I certainly know where I would be heading off to!

Dipso, I have to say that a lot of my friends are those old men you talk about who have years of wisdom and sobriety.

The message is still the same whether it's coming from a male or female.

Give it a shot.

~Chris

It's a set up. If I give myself enough sick room I can set myself up, anytime. Oltimer told me, "We have to be willing to go to any lengths to stay sober." I realized that I was going to any lengths to drink -- what would it hurt to go the opposite direction and go to any length to stay sober.

You got some really solid advice on this here post.
Go to the meetings, Dipso.