Alcoholism Support Group
Alcoholism is the continued consumption of alcoholic beverages, even when it is negatively affecting your health, work, relationships and life. If you think alcohol is causing you to lose control, it's time to seek help. Our group is a safe place to vent, check in, get back up if you fall, and reach sobriety.
What a awful day.
Forgot to take my camporal, coming up to a trigger time for me then went to my mothers.
My mother is not a kind or gentle woman, as a child I was put through a lot of mental and emotional abuse.
My younger sisters had little of this but were regularly beaten for their transgressions. Beating would be from either my mother or father and included kicks, punches and the use of belts and whatever else was around. Marks and bruises were frequent.
So, while in my mums house this topic came up, one of my sisters said it about the beatings with belts - my mother denied it and called her a liar, another sister said it happened her too and was also labelled liar. I then confirmed to have witnessed it and my mother began a tirade against me - claiming I was telling stories and putting seeds into their minds - which i have never done. I have shared what had happened me but only when they were reminiscing too.
so she challenged me on what she had ever done to me - I came right out and told her 2 specific things the worst being that she told me when i was young that my dad and his sisters wanted her to abort me and even had knitting needles there to do it, and she was the one who saved me. A hateful thing to tell to a child. Well she denied it, told me I was sick etc.
Well, I left with my sister to do other stuff, when we returned I figured Id be the bigger person and go give her a hug.
Huge mistake - she'd been saving more ammunition.
Now my mum has always been a huge trigger for me, and I admit - the thought was really crossing my mind.
Plus I had my partners 2 little ones. So I phoned him and asked could the kids go as I wasnt in a good place to look after them.
So now - here I am, pissed off royally. I just wish when it started that I could have seen it was high risk and got the hell out of there. Ive taken the camporal.
I'd love a drink right now, but i know it would be a mistake.
My partner keeps alcohol (not my type) at home, Im debating if the greater victory is to open and bin it - or ignore it.
Gah - sorry for the vent, but it had to come out somewhere.
Forgot to take my camporal, coming up to a trigger time for me then went to my mothers.
My mother is not a kind or gentle woman, as a child I was put through a lot of mental and emotional abuse.
My younger sisters had little of this but were regularly beaten for their transgressions. Beating would be from either my mother or father and included kicks, punches and the use of belts and whatever else was around. Marks and bruises were frequent.
So, while in my mums house this topic came up, one of my sisters said it about the beatings with belts - my mother denied it and called her a liar, another sister said it happened her too and was also labelled liar. I then confirmed to have witnessed it and my mother began a tirade against me - claiming I was telling stories and putting seeds into their minds - which i have never done. I have shared what had happened me but only when they were reminiscing too.
so she challenged me on what she had ever done to me - I came right out and told her 2 specific things the worst being that she told me when i was young that my dad and his sisters wanted her to abort me and even had knitting needles there to do it, and she was the one who saved me. A hateful thing to tell to a child. Well she denied it, told me I was sick etc.
Well, I left with my sister to do other stuff, when we returned I figured Id be the bigger person and go give her a hug.
Huge mistake - she'd been saving more ammunition.
Now my mum has always been a huge trigger for me, and I admit - the thought was really crossing my mind.
Plus I had my partners 2 little ones. So I phoned him and asked could the kids go as I wasnt in a good place to look after them.
So now - here I am, pissed off royally. I just wish when it started that I could have seen it was high risk and got the hell out of there. Ive taken the camporal.
I'd love a drink right now, but i know it would be a mistake.
My partner keeps alcohol (not my type) at home, Im debating if the greater victory is to open and bin it - or ignore it.
Gah - sorry for the vent, but it had to come out somewhere.
Maybe you could not visit your mom for a little while until you've had some more sober time in. Then maybe you'll be better equipped to handle it. You did good, stay strong.
I did handle it much better than i would have in the past. Its her problem not mine, i just need to not take onboard.
My boyfreinds drink is safe. God love him, He got his kids collected, is cominh home early knowing i will not be great company, and then would see his beer thrown out. lol.
I feel really better for just ranting it out. Also - top tip, i youtubed relaxation stuff. We do it in our outpatient group, and were told to use it when things get tough. I feeling more chilled now.
Sounds to me, at least right now, that Mom has very little self-awareness or accountability for her actions. Probably best to deal with her only on a superficial level. As much as you'd like to confront her for what she inflicted, it does not seem like any positive or healing will come from it.
It's too bad, but it is what it is. Don't let it get to you.
You might still love her in your own way, and that's okay, but when a person allows themselves to live in denial for that long, it tend to make them a little off balence. I don't think that the human brain can handle that kind of denial without stripping a few gears (so to speak).
Give it some time, but of all things, this is NOT worth drinking over (even though you are tempted right now). Drink a soda, tea, or a lot of water right now- kill that craving.
The craving has past. Im feeling proud of that.
Im still upset, and I love my mom, but i know she is lil bit crazy.
But I didnt use my normal coping mechanism, which was great because she is always a triger for me.
This is my sober happy dance
*dances*
I am still working on the boundaries with my family-sounds like you need to as well to stay healthy.
Drunks don't usually hang out or get raised by with the most healthiest of people.
Boundaries are needed in sobriety as a result.
Im fairly certain they have seen me naked. One night my b/f found me PASSED OUT DRUNK AND NAKED ON THE SOFA, CURTAINS OPEN AND FRONT DOOR OPEN.
They were having drinks in the garden, so theres a chance they saw me.
I was such a classy drunk.
my mom, i begged her to not tell maia's (my daughter) father he was indeed the culprit. (she was a date-rape baby though i would never tell her that). after guns to my head and lies by him--he gave her--mom-- money--she told him of his paternity. i (and my little girl will never ever be free).
enough of this pain but believe me, i KNOW pain. be stronger and then you fight for your autonomy. i am. you do too.
Im not in AA, but Ive been thinking of giving it a try. I am a very spiritual person, but I also like to understand psycholigal (my spelling sucks) causes and ways to handle.
Toxic parents sounds good. I will write it on my to purchase list, but I will give it some time until I read it.
Your post didn't indicate why you were at Mom's house, I'm kind of curious. I ask because it just didn't indicate anything specific and I'm wondering why you would want to go over there, without your med, with your boyfriend's children?
I think AA would be a good place to go and listen to suggestions, like changing ppl places and things. If a family obligation comes up, we need to prepare ourselves emotionally and have "outs." It sounds to me that today you were not especially vigilant of your disease.
I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, I'm saying this because I care. I'm glad you left when you did, that you made sure the children were taken care of and you didn't drink. Now hopefully you'll learn from this and try to avoid these situations from happening again.