Have to ask myself exacty what I am doing, and what I am thinking, and if there is a difference?

I am doing better than I did when I without a care or concern drank, and smoked, and did drugs.  I shower, I drive a car (sober), I stimulate the economy, I am not on welfare, I can actually smile without worrying about it, I work out, I am employed, I think educating yourself is somewhat valuable, I consider what health care professionals say, I actually do many things I never did when drinking, smoking, and doing drugs.  I forget how big of a deal that is.  Mostly because my mind doesn't have an off switch more so than I can turn it off by ignoring it.  

I am doing everything I need to not have to include alcohol or drugs in my life.  

What am I thinking?  I am thinking what the community would describe as not good for them.  My thoughts could be better, and I am acting on some of them.  I have to ask myself, why?  Great question, self.  Most of my action of wrongdoing is because others just as powerful as me, physically, or simply in a physical form of a human body, are imposing their will on me, and I have the clarity it takes to know, I could respond to them according to me, but can't respond to them according to society.  I'm thinking society might not be right.  What's the point of appreciating responsibility if I can't do what I want when I am being treated wrongly?  

Either way, those thoughts aren't powerful enough to get in the way of me still doing what I routinely do, to not drink alcohol, so hopefully they will keep getting in the way of me not giving a fuck about what society thinks of how I deal with others, and also, who cares about society, it's not like society is God or anything, society is just a bunch of people thinking together, so what's the difference of me thinking, and a bunch of people thinking together?  It's all just powerless human beings thinking, and thoughts will never be powerful enough, to really make a difference in lives.  

Just like my alcoholism, God has complete control over what I think, even my ego, so yes I am getting very angry at people and their thinking of what I should do, or who I should be, or what I am and how it measures against society, but I also think that they can go to hell, for it, and again, that is just a thought, and if kept to myself, oh well, nobody has to know, but I can't fool myself into thinking, or doing anything that is not me.  

I have to ask myself if God is everything, and God is in complete control of my life and everyone else's, can I do anything wrong?  Is there a right or wrong?  Well I think the deeper answer in that question is if I am using my free will to continue to treat my alcoholism, and I am, and it has been through a behavioral remedy of considering prayer, considering hearing what others with alcoholism have to say, considering helping others with alcoholism, considering my thoughts to be just thoughts and not judging them or changing them, and owning my actions as if they were always meant to be.  

Societies opinions of me and who I am at my core, pisses me off, often, and it affects both my actions and thoughts, but it's not worth getting drunk over, and that is my whole being saying that, so if I am getting drunk at another, or because of others, than I think that is a poor use of alcohol, but if I am just drinking to enjoy alcohol, and could care less about what society and it's "people" think or do, especially do, I am not a problem, they at that point are because they too are using their thoughts outside of themselves to act against, entitling themselves to be their own "god" and if I have a problem with that, then I have a problem with that.  My solution is not going to be me getting drunk though, even though for all it might be better, some day, but today, it's just not an option.  

If I say that on a 24 hour basis, I can then do things I couldn't do, drinking, smoking, and doing drugs.  I guess this is anti-long term sobriety kind of, and more of a post about you only have one day to really care or not care, and some people desevere care and some don't, but nobody is worth drinking over, nothing is worth drinking over, saying fuck them and honestly admitting that they are complete pieces of shit, is much more intoxicating!