Alcoholism Support Group

Alcoholism is the continued consumption of alcoholic beverages, even when it is negatively affecting your health, work, relationships and life. If you think alcohol is causing you to lose control, it's time to seek help. Our group is a safe place to vent, check in, get back up if you fall, and reach sobriety.

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Ashley8888 09/21/2009

Okay, so I have been off and on here so much I have lost track....I know I am an alcoholic and im again looking into getting help....but my thinking is all messed up and I dont know why I let myself still after everything I have been through have doubts I am an alcoholic....

Please, was anyone else like this...there were times when I could have a few beers, there were times when I had zero control too though....BUT there were times, even recently when I would sit down to drink with my boyfriend and I could stop myself....it was not fun or what I wanted to do but I did...My head keeps telling me alcoholics have no control and ALWAYS get wasted once they start....BUT I do also know that at times at times I was completely out of control with my drinking...

I am not trying to say I dont have a problem drinking, just wondering if any other alcoholic does this and at times was able to stop drinking once they started...

I am trying to fight my brain that is telling me maybe I am not an alcoholic!!!

drafter 09/21/2009

Yes, we were all like that. If you are wrestling about whether or not you are an alcoholic, that is a sign or a call for action. I doubt very much that "normal" drinkers struggle with asking themselves that question all the time.

Ashley8888 09/21/2009

yeah, i guess I just have to stop comparing myself to everyone else...I know I am an alcoholic, I have lost out on so much of my life because of drinking...its was all I cared about...I just hate how the brain can play tricks on you and try to talk you out of something you know to be true...

deleted_user 09/21/2009

Drafter is right.

If it looks like a duck , quacks like a duck, swims like a duck.....it's a duck.

That simple, yet overpowering, obsession to have the first drink was horrible for me. I planned and manipulated to great lengths and expended incredible amounts of enery to make sure I could feed the dragon.

Then when I had my first drink my thinking changed, and regardless of the consequences I would continue drinking.

THERE IS A SOLUTION !

deleted_user 09/21/2009

I'm with everyone else on here also. I too have been able to stop ( when around family) but I prefer to simply get wasted, which is exactly what I did yesterday. Today I pay for it and tonight I'll be back at a meeting for the first time in 6 months. Bottom line if you are even questioning yourself about drinking as a problem for you, it is. Your mind is playing tirkcs on you. Dont let the devil win.

deleted_user 09/21/2009

Ashley - I'm the adult daughter of an alcoholic. I am truly not an alcoholic. I used to be addicted to cigarettes before I quit - so I do know what addiction is like. I will say this - I absolutely do NOT think about alcohol like I did my cigarettes while quitting. I don't struggle with alcohol because I rarely ever spend my day thinking about consuming it. I only think about it because my mother and her brother are both alcoholics. They come from five generations of alcoholics and it has plagued our families for years. It's a mind game - are you surrounded by social drinkers? Its probably a major part of your life. I don't live with my mother any more - it's not a major part of my life meaning I don't see it often. It HAS caused estrangement between my mother and I though and that is very painful!

deleted_user 09/21/2009

Yes, I had rules that I followed. I could stop if necessary, and I didn't spend every evening drinking to the point of blackout. Over a period of years, the stuff gets to you and takes over your life. You've been asking this question for a long time Ashely, but I understand it. I still have my doubts (in regards to myself) but then I remember how much I drank and what it did to me.

Take a break from the drinking and get your head straight- give it 90 days and see how you feel. I'll bet your perspective will change.

deleted_user 09/21/2009

Hi Ashley,

There is good sound advice on this thread. All alcoholics exhibit a set of common attributes. We are hardwired in some crazy way that lets us stay drunk in the face of total devastation. I would recommend that you get or (rent) the movie "My Name is Bill W." It stars James Woods, James Garner, and JoBeth Williams.

I related to this movie SO much!
Wayne-

donttread 09/21/2009

doubt rears it's ugly head even now, once in a great while for a minute.
It's the disease talking to you. It wants me dead , but it'll settle for me drunk.
Hardly anybody always lost control, otherwise the doubt would be a lot harder to feed for all those years.
But if you only lose control say 50% of the time, what difference would it make? How would that make drinking OK?
Make a list of the bad things that have happened to other alcoholics but not to you YET. Then if you choose to keep drinking, and I hope you don't , get ready to check off those "Not yets" as they happen to you, no as you inflict them upon yourself.

Ashley8888 09/21/2009

I know you all are so right!!! I know that I am an alcoholic...what you all have said makes a lot of sense, thank you...i know normal drinkers do not do the things I have done...I have done some pretty aweful things when I drink...and still I chose to drink again again...thats not normal, I know its not!!
Im sorry to always be so redundunt here but I hope this is the last time I have to ask a stupid question like that...
I am going back to AA and going to do everything I can to stay sober this time!!
Thank you all for your support and great advise!!

deleted_user 09/21/2009

I could stop at times for a while, but usually didn't enjoy it if I had to stop, especially when I really didn't have too.

The problem is that you never know when alcohol will take over and steal whatever it was that was important.

Alcohol became the decision maker in most situations. When it decided it was time to get drunk, I had little or no choice.

Eventually, alcohol made it so that it took precedence over most things in life. I would give up most things to go out and party and get drunk.

deleted_user 09/21/2009

In the aa big book, it makes it clear that alcoholics who don't want to admit it can sometimes control it. it tells a story of a man who controlled it for 25 yrs, retired, picked up a drink and lost control. I dk if you are an alcoholic or not but "normal" drinkers don't struggle with this issue the same way. if you have to ask, it's better to err on the side of caution.
perdu

donttread 09/21/2009

I don't think he controlled it, I just think he stopped drinking/

deleted_user 09/21/2009

Ashley, sounds like you have reached the place that I did in '92. Where the alcohol stopped working for me. At that point, I became willing to go to any lengths to not have to live that way anymore.

What are you willing to do?

deleted_user 09/21/2009

Ashley you've been asking this question for a long time. Instead of asking yourself whether you are an alcoholic or not. Maybe try asking yourself a) does my drinking cause problems? and b) do I want to stop drinking?

If the answer is yes to a) and no to b) then ask why would you not want to stop if it is causing problems?

If the answer is no to both, continue as you are and hopefully you won't reach the point where you can answer yes to both questions.

From all I've read, it sounds like you're more worried about being labeled "an alcoholic" than anything else. Get over it, we aint so bad. Once you accept it, you can beat it. Without acceptance, you'll continue to question yourself constantly & likely reach a very bad place. Choose wisely Ashley. I'm rootin for ya! Always have.....

deleted_user 09/21/2009

Just go to meetings and work the steps and I will guarantee your life will change for the better and your thinking will improve, do some journaling, meditation.

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