Alcoholism Support Group
Alcoholism is the continued consumption of alcoholic beverages, even when it is negatively affecting your health, work, relationships and life. If you think alcohol is causing you to lose control, it's time to seek help. Our group is a safe place to vent, check in, get back up if you fall, and reach sobriety.
I am pretty sick spiritually. I can be honest about that. Living with a person who is an addict, is pretty much the reason why. I also am having an income problem that has really made my mind broken.
I have not considered a drink, but I have given up on willing myself to think positively about my life. In fact, I've been thinking if I died it wouldn't be a great tragedy.
I know the root cause is resentment, specifically resentment of people who are inconsiderate, and who don't really care if I am well, above their interest.
I feel very powerless and as if there is not much hope.
Today I just want to lay in bed and give up. I have been acting like I am better off than I am. My group isn't really helping, my sponsor isn't really helping, reading isn't really helping, being unselfish isn't really helping, prayer isn't really helping.
I am going to make a gratitude list, that might help someone else, but I am pretty convinced I am at a point where I won't be able to help myself, but I also know if I drink, or drug, or completely say "fuck it" without question things will get worse.
I am grateful that I have some football to watch today, I am grateful that I do not have to go to work and work with those people today, I am grateful that I have lots of water to drink, I am grateful that I have a little over 100 dollars to buy food with if I get too hungry, I am grateful I can go workout to counter the stress, I am grateful I have a phone that plays music that also can counter the stress, and that is about it.
Hopefully those few things will be the keys to the day today, and I hope everyone has a nice day.
-
check out that smoke ring. It tasted really good. I smothered it with Maulls BBQ sauce which is Local to St. Louis and one of the best I ever had.....
-
I was recently separated from my wife of 33 years and it's complicated. Anyway I rented a room about 15 minutes away and I see my kids about once a week. I see the people who own the house I live in once in a while but other than that I stay in my room where I do my cooking, wash dishes in the shower, read, color, and sleep. I get out at least once a day. I grocery shop and I attend 2 meetings...
Our resentments can be broken down into two sources.
"The primary fact that we fail to recognize is our total inability to form a true partnership with another human being. Our egomania digs two disastrous pitfalls. Either we insist upon dominating the people we know, or we depend upon them far too much."
So you either want to control others and resent them because you have no control over them, i. e. your "This Guy" post. Or you rely on others too much or expect too much from them and resent them when they do not meet your expectations. Either way, you are met with resentment.
Remember, expectations are just resentments in waiting.
To rid yourself of resentments, reference pages 66-68 in the BB.
"This was our course: We realized that the people who wronged up were perhaps (also) spiritually sick (as we are/have been). Though we did not like their symptoms and the way these disturbed us, they, like ourselves, were sick too. We asked God to help us show them to same tolerance, pity, and patience that we would cheerfully grant a sick friend. When a person offended we said to ourselves, "This is a sick man. How can I be helpful to him? God save me from being angry. Thy will be done."
God Bless
I had an excellent talk with my sponsor and saw that my mind saying that wasn't helping was a lie. I went to a few meetings and saw that I do not listen as much as I could in the meetings. Football did really help, but working out was so so, the accomplishing what I wanted to do in the gym was stress reducing, but I forgot my earphones, and didn't get to eat like I need to when working out like I do.
My roommate and I had a decent talk to and I see that resenting him or anyone, if I believe it, is not a very good way to go forward in relating to others and trying to help them. If mentioned I had money problems, but not so much that I couldn't pay my bills, my mind was too busy focusing on what I didn't have after, rather than allowing me to feel good about keeping my word on paying others.
All in all I am not as downtrodden by my alcoholism as I was when I woke up, I do think I am downtrodden in areas of my life, specifically in the employment areas, and that is challenging, I know for certain not being around several people who have the power to provide me an earning, and their lack of concern if it happens or not with that same provision of power from their position, is something I cannot help but resent. Not being around them was a big plus today, but I can keep an open mind about it all being out of my control and that being part of God's plan.
Thanks again for the replies.
First of all, I would like to say thank you for sharing your journey with this group. I have been following, but not replying too much lately. I am happy that you are here.
What you are feeling is opening you up to huge change in your life. What you may have done in the past is evade your feelings. Now is the time to face them. To understand them. To heal with them. As Yard_Eggs mentioned, a step 4 is a wonderful tool if you feel you are ready to sit down with it. Or, if you struggle with setting that up, start journaling. And then come back to it in a month, and you will be amazed at all that has changed in your life during this transformation.
One thing that has certainly changed my life is having a morning routine. Wake up, get dressed, make the bed, brush the teeth, eat something healthy. That takes care of the physical. And then a few minutes of focused breathing to take care of the mental. And then I follow that up with readings (for myself, alcohol and codependency related). I have recently also added more spiritually influenced reading to my life. With this routine, I set myself up to have a more positive day, because I've taken care of the basics that I couldn't take care of when I was hung over. I am trying to work on a night time routine, but I admit, I have a much harder time settling down.
One thing that I have started to do at the end of the day (because I find gratitude lists to be exhausting sometimes), is I have started to say "thank you for today" to the people that are around me. If I am leaving work, I say "thank you for the awesome shift" to my coworkers. I send out a couple of text messages to the people that were with me on this day. And somehow, that has begun to help me clear my thoughts at night time. I have given myself permission to say "today is over, and tomorrow will be great". Forgive my rambling.
Everything is going to fall into place. I recently heard on a video "if things could have happened another way, they would have." A good reminder to accept and let go.