Scott I'm sorry.

I made a lot of attempts to quit, but only succeeded with the help of AA. I still know that if I don't work a solid program, I could fail.

I wish you the best in your recovery.

Don't give up Scott! I know how it feels to not be able to stop and it sucks, but like everything else it will pass. Just keep at it. Read or listen to books, keep searching and trying.
We all fall down and it hurts, it can really hurt a lot, it may take some time but I'm sure you can get back up and make it work.

Best to you

I never met anybody that didn't have a mofo of a time quitting. Do you know of anyone that fortunate? You'll get back on the wagon, right?

I'm an alcoholic , my default is to drink.

I was good at quitting but I couldn't stay quit on my own.

It took other ppl that had been there and done that to help me Quit and stay quit. I never had asked for help, I was the strongest willed guy. But in the end that was part of why I drank. I couldn't cope. I had to learn ways to cope without a drink.

You can do it, I believe in you

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What happens if you liver function continues to improve and your MELD scores are normal? Will you use that as a reason to drink?

Quitting because you think you have to isn't as easy as quitting because deep down there is nothing in the world you want more than to stop drinking.

Time to get up and get back on track.

It took my sponsor 9 years to actually stay quit. She always just said the month and year of her sobriety date, because she didn't expect that time to be her last! But then she got the rest of her life sober finally.

When you're ready, you're ready.

I had a liver biopsy and it showed the usual destruction, but it still took a while for me to actually quit. The addiction is cunning.

I know I could not quit without help because all the guilt and shame I was holding onto, just kept triggering relapse after relapse!

I had to go through an outpatient program at the hospital's, alcohol and substance abuse program, where I was treated for those underlying issues. Thank God I did that 8 years ago because today I am happier now then I have ever been. I wish the same for you.

God Bless!

In my experience, only time spent doing "the right thing " heals wounds and gradually makes the guilt go away. It's difficult for people in our lives who do not have a problem with alcohol, to understand why we do this to ourselves. I suppose we don't even understand it, because is not rational to drink to the point of physical harm to ourselves. That's why it's nice to have this forum; because at least here, we can talk to people who understand and empathize. I don't have any input in regards to helping your friends and family understand. Most "normal people "think that if it's a problem, you should simply stop. At least that's my experience.

I think you have to come up with your own reasons to quit in order to make sobriety stick. My relationships, career, and health were in jeopardy; combined with legal problems from one bad night. Bottom line is I guess enough consequences piled up and I finally saw the light.

And replacing that part of your life with something better is also very important. I would confuse to keep reaching out to the people who understand.

Thanks for sharing; totally heartfelt. Sounds like you are taking a proactive approach by gathering friends and family and you are ready to do what you need to do to stay sober. I know this guilty feeling you have and it stinks. Sounds like you are totally accountable and are ready to heal. I too struggle with the urge to drink often and I have been winning more battles than losing recently. Let us know how the meeting goes. Hugs

Thank you all, I reached out to neighbors and family members for help. I need to let go of the guilt and shame I put upon myself, I know I am not being judged by everyone and we all make mistakes but its the letting go that is my problem now. I found an AA group close to my home and work s I cant use the excuse that meeting are to hard to get to. I want to stop for my health and family because we have big plans for the future. Kid will graduate from H.S. in 3 years and we are planning on going to Disneyworld in November and want to get a few months of being sober so I can celebrate in the happiest place on earth.

Everyone in AA meetings would be there for the same reason as you. Walk in and enjoy the laughter and the stories.