Hello Ksprinkle,

Most people who are not alcoholics will not understand alcoholism so you will hear a lot of well-meaning but often useless or dangerous comments from them.

Although I did a lot of reading about alcoholism when things started to fall apart, I somehow missed out on understanding the core issues or maybe I wanted to avoid thinking too much about the reality of it. The Doctor’s Opinion in the Big Book was a real eye-opener.

People who drink a lot themselves like to mix with others who are like-minded and your boyfriend may feel that you being sober is shining the spotlight on his own drinking. It would certainly be wise to have a serious conversation with him sooner rather than later.

Be careful too about finding yourself in the middle of drinking parties, especially if you are fairly new to sobriety – sometimes good intentions can give way to temptation.

Sounds like the boyfriend wants a drinking buddy!

The first thing I did when I left treatment is get rid of all my drinking buddies. I did not want to be triggered especially that early in sobriety.

I'm not saying you should do the same but you may want to educate your friend and stay away from those kinds of social events. Remember, it just takes that one drink and before you know it, you are in the middle of a full blown relapse.

You can achieve sobriety and have a great life as well! We have faith in you!

God Bless

Yeah, this is a challenging situation. I was out a few weeks ago with a friend I hadn't seen in a while and she asked me why I wasn't drinking. I told her that I'd quit several months earlier and wasn't drinking any longer, thought I had a problem and was living a good life without it. She couldn't believe it and tried to convince me that I didn't have a problem while she finished her third martini. We had a nice chat, but I haven't talked since and decided she wouldn't really fit into my new life anyhow. Sometimes we have hard decisions about the life we want to live, the person we want to be and you may be facing one now. Very happy that you resisted his plea to join him in drinking and wishing you the best in your decisions ahead!

I believe it is up to God if a person is going to understand or not. It is not my job to explain to others who don't understand. It is my job to help others who want to get better and understand though.

A boyfriend or SO, who can't understand, and that you probably used to get drunk with, will be a hard sell, if they don't have the allergy, and don't want to change, it is going to be not worth the time eventually.

The best way to get your boyfriend to not be a problem going further, is to work on staying sober, and help others. If he is saying "why don't you?", that is the "world of ignorance" Bill W is talking about. Those "human powers" often contribute to the aggravation of the alcoholism, it does generate resentment, and I personally have to understand, they might not be assets or very helpful long term if my sole priority going forward is staying sober.

I have a job right now that is aggravating my alcoholism. I did the work, through the steps, and saw that I need to keep an open mind about moving on, the ignorance is too great some times, and they are not opened to understanding or helping enough. At this point, even though I like them and want them to understand, it is more sound for me to consider they might never change, therefore the aggravation will continue, and if I have seen the aggravation will make me more likely to drink, than not, I need to open my mind to another direction. My purpose as a person who no longer drinks is not to have others help me going forward, it is to take the responsibility necessary to ensure I do not drink, for the others who will need my help down the road. People who do not understand, and argue with me with a resentment that I "can't drink" I do not have to please if it is more aggravating and stressful than just not saying anything at all. Part of the reason I used to drink was thinking I needed to please others too stupid to understand or listen. I have to understand, when change comes, it will include me seeing others for who they really are, and if they are not part of the process going forward and obstacles going forward, it is not responsible of me to try to change them, it is alright for me to let God do this if need be. His karma might be that he stays ignorant for this whole life, that might be God's plan for him, and if you try to change that, you will frustrate yourself to the point of you'll be back drinking with him, miserable, stunting your growth again, living a life that is nothing to be happy about.

The longer you stay sober the more you'll see that inconsiderate and unwilling to understand attitudes, ourselves and others, will create walls of indifference that will keep spirituality and maturing far away from reality.

I do suggest if you are going to sit him down, take two books and ask him to read the Doctor's opinion with you. You'll know from the beginning if he is interested or not, he might be so self-interested he will never be more interested in you doing better than him, his resentment might be so great, and his drama so much of a problem, you'll never be worth the time, and he will be "too important" to his self to listen to you're truth.

One day hopefully you'll get to a point where you simply ignore and continue doing great things despite the world's ignorance and other's not understanding the whole story due to their own narrow mind and stupidity.

"No human power could have relieved our alcoholism. God could and would if he were sought."

If you’re relationship is long standing, one would expect that your boyfriend has seen you drunk but hasn’t seen or wanted to see your struggle with the booze.. What we need is a support network of people that don’t encourage us to drink just to make them feel better. but who encourage us to live a much happier healthier life where we are not the centre of conversation due to our drunken antics. Some of our “friends” want us to drink because it takes the focus away from their own drinking habits.
Depending on where my life is depends on how comfortable I am around drink. When life’s been good and smooth I’ve held and attended many parties where drink is being consumed eagerly and I’ve been comfortable and not tempted. There have been times where life’s been bumpy and I’ve felt envious seeing my friends drinking so normally and it’s during those times that I tend to refuse invitations and take a step back to re-focus on my goal and to remove myself from temptation.
Some alcoholics have to part company with their drinking buddies and it’s often been said that the only thing they had in common when all said and done was the drinking!! Others still have their old drinking buddies but those friendships tend to take on a new direction usually stirred by us alcoholics. I have a large group of friends that are all drinkers - my friendships go back years and years so I still wanted those people in my life as they were important to me. More often than not I’ll arrange.a girls night out during the week where we’ll go for tea and the movies..... or meet for breakfast and then onto work or even a shopping trip with a meal......
Those nights make memories rather than my friends losing their memories through drink..,