Try to be gentle with yourself - self-forgiveness is the first step to sobriety, as strange as that may sound to you right now. The great news is that you are aware of how you feel post-beer decision, and also of how your mind got you there - which means you have a tool you can use next time. In AA they tell us it is part of the disease that says "I can handle just 1 beer" and then off we go! If AA is not your thing then just be kind to yourself TODAY, and try again next time to remember the after-effects. I read somewhere a Japanese saying: "fall down 7times, get up 8." That helped me alot with forgiveness for my slips.

Hugs,
Audrey

It's so disheartening to relapse, but it's part of the process. Try not to wallow in the shame and focus on staying clean again. You can do it.

Drinking and drugging was my default. It is what I did. I now try to work on being sober today. only today.

Its kind of like a tractor beam in an old star wars movie. If you can just get far enough away from the 'death star' the pull is much less.

You can do it! Thing is I would quit for weeks, months, even two years once... I would always go back. This time I do a few simple things, one i talk/ type to another alcoholic ea day , I thank God for keeping me sober, and I dont fing drink, at all costs..

You can do it , i can tell you got what it takes

1is2

Like I was told, think through the drink to what is going to happen. Remember this last drunk and how you felt the next time you think about having a drink...

Hugs,
Dennis

One of the things we need to learn in sobriety is to handle prosperity sober

Welcome. A few things stuck out to me about your post. First, I had to learn not to act on my feelings. It didnt matter that I felt bad, or felt sad, or felt like having a banana split or a drink. I didnt have to act on every feeling I had. When I didnt act on them, they passed, and I could actually *choose* what I did next. When I acted on feelings I eliminated choice (and more importantly Gods will) and just acted in the moment on whatever need real or imagined came up.
The other thing is I needed a program. I needed a program on which to build a sober life. I'd been drinking and doing other mind altering substances and/ or behaviours since my early teens. Change wasnt easy and it didnt come to me on my own. Left to my own devices I drank. Eventually. No matter what. If I could think through a drink I woudlnt need AA. I coudlnt will my way into sobriety, I couldnt think my way into it, I needed to act as if until it became the way i lived.
Relapse hasnt been part of my sobriety journey since I joined AA. It was almost the entire journey prior.
Just how it worked for me.

Addiction is very tough and relapse is common. Usually it only takes one slip for many of us to get back on the addiction carousel. It happened many times to me before I found RR. Now I understand why it so hard for some of us to get and stay sober.

Your beta-endorphins ( powerful endogenous opiods found naturally in your body) levels are naturally low to begin with and when you stop using there is an upregulation in your cells and your cells had more open receptors for beta endorphin because you have so little to begin with so when you had your beers you got a big powerful shot and that feels really good (better than it feels for normal people who don't have fewer beta endorphin receptors) and you fell right back into addiction.

Until you heal the body brain system you will find yourself drawn to these substances. I see this very differently than a lot of people here. It is almost impossible for people like you and me to just say no to these substances and it isn't your fault, it is your body chemistry at work trying to get balanced. And there is a way to do that but NOT with addictive substances. Get yourself over to the Radiant Recovery site and buy (or check it out from the library) the book Potatoes Not Prozac. Insert the words drug and alcohol where she mentions sugar and you will find your road map out of this mess.

This is what worked for me and it could work for you as well if you follow it.

Laura

Jay,

Just don't give up. Why we always continue to sabotage ourselves is something I've yet to comprehend. I do it all the time - things are great, feeling good, I'm clean and no alcohol - then suddenly my mindset changes and I go back to my comfort zone, which is feeling lousy and drinking and drinking again which makes me feel lousy.

Try not to be hard on yourself and forgive yourself. I struggle with forgiving myself also.