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Drinking beofre and after an AA meeting

misterjones
misterjones
Hey guys. I have been coming around these boards on and off for years. I have tried quitting drinking cold turkey a million times and it hasn't worked a million times. I finally decided to do something different and so last Tuesday I went to my first meeting. Actually it was my second, I went to a meeting about 5 years ago but never went back.

So last Tuesday I was at home drinking just like any other day. My wife and I had had a big fight the day before about my drinking because I had left some empties lying around. Instead of stopping for a few days like I normally would do after one of our fights, I went right back at it the next day. So I was sitting there drunk at about 5 pm and I decided I needed to go to a meeting. I looked up online and found that there was a meeting not too far from me at 6. I went to the meeting and listened to the stories people told and I even got up and spoke, which I hate to do. Some of the people had stories that I could really relate to and others had stories that made me think I hope I never get as bad as them. After the meeting a few of the others came and talked to me and one guy took my number so he could call me. It was a good meeting but wouldn't you know that after I left that meeting I went straight to the store for more booze..

I have been going to meetings for 8 straight days now. Six of those days I have been drunk before going to the meeting and drank more after. At the end of every meeting we say a prayer and then say "Keep coming back. It works." But it seems to me it is not working. Maybe it will take more time. Maybe I am not trying. At last night's meeting the guy that was leading the discussion made a comment that he had seen all different kinds of people in AA and that some people are just not capable of being honest with themselves and may be beyond help. It worries me that maybe that is true for me. Because no matter how many times I vow to stop, I am right back at it again.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Hope you are not driving to these meetings.

It is like going to Church and saying "GOD" where are you? Hello!? And stomping out. I don't think that we get answers that way.

The answers I think are available if you are open to them-it cannot happen through osmosis (I would think).

Maybe do some stuff in your personal life to change too. I tell you what-I went to rehab expecting it to fix me-but I did not do my part so it fell flat. It was not until I lived up to my end of the bargain with this recovery thing that things got better.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I don't know, but it seems to me you haven't got a real desire to stop.
Taradactyl
Taradactyl
"But it seems to me it is not working. "

C'mon dude. It isn't magic. You have to work for it.

Okay.... Pick a day, like tomorrow, or today if you haven't had a drink yet, and find the earliest mtg. Don't drink. Go to the mtg. Share at the meeting that you are having trouble staying sober at all. Ask them what you should do. Based on the replies, choose a sponsor, someone who seems to have what you want. After the meeting, approach this person and ask him to help you. BE HONEST about your struggle. Ask him how to get through the night. Go to some some additional mtgs if you need to. In the beginning I would go to 3 mtgs a day some days.

If you can do that, you will be off to a good start and will have given the "keep coming back" a chance.

If you REALLY want to stay sober and can't get through a day, then check yourself into a detox facility or rehab.

I think the question is... Do you REALLY want to stop drinking?
deleted_user
deleted_user
Hi mister- Don't worry. It is a program of attraction and you are obviously attracted to sobriety. It may not be osmosis, but there is something very powerful about sitting in that room in that chair for an hour. Let it happen. Keep going. Keep coming back. Don't worry about what you have to do. Allow yourself to shift the burden to a higher power. When you can, get a sponsor. Pray. I realize you cannot "choose" not to drink. But you are choosing recovery in going to the meetings. Keep going. Reach out. See you there, brother. Best wishes for you and me too. I have a terrible time getting to the meetings. But the healing happens there like nowhere else. And as a friend was told, If you are too sick to work the Steps, work the Slogans!
deleted_user
deleted_user
Misterjones. What you need to realize is that you have a disease. A disease of the body , mind, and spirit. It will take some action on your part in order to recover .Going to anAA meeting is like going to the doctors office. If you sit in the waiting room and never go in to see the doctor it doesnt count. The program of Alcoholics Anonymous suggests that you read the book. Get a sponsor and work the steps. Fighting the disease of alcoholism is not a task to be taken lightly. If it were easy there wouldn't be so many drunks ruining their lives on a daily basis. I suggest you use your phone list and call another alcoholic who is working a good program and ask for some direction. Just wanting to quit is not an effort. This is a program of action I highly recommend that you take some. Greg
nickyj18022002
nickyj18022002
Do you really want to stop drinking? if so the first thing is do you need a detox or is it safe for you to just stop? If in any doubt get a medical opinion on this. AA meetings will help you more if you go there sober and AA cant stop you drinking. It offers a way to stay sober - the stopping drinking you have to do with or without medical help depending on whether you need it. Once you are able to listen sober in meetings you will hopefully hear that the way AA offers to stay sober is the 12 step program. Sitting in meetings wont keep you sober why would it? But engaging in the 12 step prgram just might. Dont judge whether AA works or not until you have attended sober and used the solution that AA offers - the 12 steps.

First things first - you have to stop drinking. What are your thoughts about whether you need a detox?
stickywick
stickywick
Agree with Nicky. Hard to get anything out of a meeting, if you arent all there? I've never gone to an AA meeting drunk, but I know many have. And they had to sober up, in order to "get" the program as I understand it.
Can you stop drinking for 24 hours? If so, try and go to a meeting.
They say keep coming back in meetings. They also say don't drink between (or at) meetings.
Good luck! It definetly works, at least it has so far for me, but I had to stop drinking.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I don't think you are ready for recovery yet. We all hit our bottoms at different times. Some are high, some are low. The thing about recovery is by not drinking you have so much to gain, by drinking,you have so much to lose. Anything you put before your sobriety, you will lose. I also recommend that your wife goes to Al-Anon. It would help her deal with your alcoholism. I have never gone to a single meeting drunk, but I have seen quite a few plastered off their ass showing up. Its something you have to be patient about. We all get it when we are ready to commit to sobriety. Remember, things could get a whole lot worse if you don't quit.
billwfriend
billwfriend
well one thing will definately happen...AA will ruin your drinking....it will make you want to stop....that I think you have...the desire is all you need to be a part of AA...the time will come when the bottom causes enough pain and the waiter brings the check that causes you to put the plug in the jug for good....one day at a time
PJ54
PJ54
Hello misterjones,

Do you really want to stop drinking or are you going to AA meetings to please your wife? If youre not ready to stop for yourself it will probably be a waste of time going to meetings.

There are a lot of little sayings that you will hear at meetings and one that I heard recently when there was a lady at a meeting who had a few drinks taken was: You wont stop drinking until you stop drinking. In other words, you need to put the cork in the bottle if you are to get the full benefit from the meetings.

Is it that you are not capable of being honest with yourself or that you dont want to be honest? The first thing you need is to accept that you have a problem with alcohol and that you may be an alcoholic. Once you have that acceptance I would suggest going to the meetings sober and taking a full part in the proceedings. What I was told at the first meeting is that it would work for me, if I wanted it to work. Is that what you want or do you have more drinking to do?
deleted_user
deleted_user
AA doesn't get you sober. It only shows you the way to stay sober. Getting sober requires you not to drink!
Also, AA works through the practice of the 12 step programme. So, first you stop drinking and then you get yourself a SPONSOR (you meet them at AA meetings) listen out for someone who talks about the programme positively, who sounds happy with his life.

Ask him to take you through the 12 steps - if he says he can do that - great, you got yourself a sponsor; if he can't then go ask another man.
Community LeaderExJerseyGirl2
ExJerseyGirl2
You are just changing your drinking pattern. It sounds like before, when you tried to quit, you at least stopped for a few days. Now, you are trying to quit using AA -- only you are drinking every day (or close to it), just taking a break for the hour when you are in a meeting.

Maybe you are one of the people who can't quit and you will drink yourself to death. What do you think? It's really up to you to decide.
donttread
donttread
call a counseling center and see about detox.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Yes talk to a professional about this if you can. You don't want trouble and alcohol is trouble. It's good your wanting to go to meetings. You may be in the pre-contemplative stage of recovery...where people start thinking of how they will go about getting a plan for recovery and how to go about it. You can save yourself here if you see that your behavior is sending up red flags. It's okay if your failing you just need the support of organizations like AA or substance abuse counseling to get on with recovery. There is an option here and you do have a choice even if alcohol is telling you you don't...alcohol is a liar. Do yourself a favor and get somewhere where you can be brutally honest in front of someone else. Honesty is like light and alcohol is like darkness. Don't hide keep all in the open ..your thoughts, your actions, your past, how you feel now etc. Live in the truth.

I made it and I was ridiculously out of control. You can make it. Get active.
deleted_user
deleted_user
If you hang around a barber shop long enough eventually you`ll get a haircut.

Just keep making meetings... eventually you`ll get sober.
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